To ask if as an adult you still get an allowance of some sort from your parents/caregivers?

[Lalala89]

Hi all,

I was listening to the radio station the other day and they had asked the above question of anyone over the age of 25.

Absolutely not meant in a negative way, but I was so surprised by the calls that came in, everything from parent's paying phone bill's to power, mortgages to lump sums yearly/monthly.

Parents paying for cars/ insurances, the caller that stuck with me was a lady who recieved $1200 a week from her mother into her children's accounts (so it wasn't taxed) as her mother wanted her grandchildren to have the best life possible.

Just interested if anyone has any stories along these lines because lockdown has me curious 😁

My ILs have paid certain utilities for the last 10yrs. They see it as their way of helping with the kids but we agreed to take it over in Feb.

They still haven’t .

I’m very grateful tbh as it’s given us all a good start with the kids. My own parents drank all our money away when I was young and we were neglected so they are out the picture and the total polar opposite.

It’s sweet of them, but I’m happy to do it myself

Yes, not as a regular thing but my mum still randomly sends me large sums of money on occasion and they gave us some money towards a house deposit.

They have more money than they know what to do with. I mean a savings account with more money in it than I’ve earned in my life. And they get a monthly pension that’s probably about £8000 combined between state and private for the 2 of them (my mum worked full time since she was 18 for a big company that paid her well considering she had limited qualifications).

I’d never ask for it, but it makes them happy and they really have nothing else to do with it. They live in a modest house and live a fairly simple life for people who have as much money as they do.

Realistically, when my mum was my age she was getting full time free childcare from my grandparents from when I was 3 months to when I was 12. They did every school holiday and every school run and fed me dinner 5 nights a week and some weekends. I think she realises she had a pretty easy time of it financially when she was our age, and it makes her happy to do something for us even when she lives far away.

My parents paid for me to come on holiday last year with them because I genuinely couldn't afford it and they really wanted me there with the rest of the family which was amazing but very unexpected and most defiantly a one off! Couldn't ever imagine them giving me any kind of financial gain on a regular basis, I'd feel embarrassed

My parents pay my mobile phone bill (because they know I would go without s phone as kids take priority) and they pay for the upkeep of my car and the odd £50 here and there

However I'm a single parent of two with additional needs and they NEVER babysit not even for an hour. I'd rather have the hands on support than money any day

My friend has a platinum credit card which her parents got her as an additional card holder when she was 18. They would pay it off in full every month and still do (we're 40 this year) even though my friend and her husband have a pretty decent property portfolio themselves. But as a young woman i used to be so jealous as we'd go shopping and she would spank hundreds of pounds on this card every time where as I was broke.

No, not had any help from them since I left home at 19. And I'm fine with that. They buy DS nice presents and often buy school uniform etc. But I wouldn't accept anything for me/us. I think it's a bit odd when adults in their 30s and older don't stand on their own two feet.

Most of my friends in their twenties are on a family phone plan

About 5 friends have car leases paid for by parents

We still help,ours a bit. Less than when they were younger but some things we’ve just never changed to them (phones, contact lenses, Netflix etc).
We’ve always paid exams and study costs so recent GP final exams we sorted.
We pay for anything that needs sorting for our son when he’s deployed and helped with his girlfriend flying out to see him a couple of times.
They can use our Amazon account but rarely do. We’ve just paid for a few sets of scrubs for our daughter and her fiancé: We want to support them after all they’ve lost this summer.
We pay for holidays sometimes, if they choose to join us or maybe a city break as a treat.

It’s nice. They don’t need it. They don’t ask for it (usually) but we love them, are proud of them and want to support them as they settle into adulthood.

I don't, no. My husband does get a small amount from his dad. His dad gave his brother £250k (yes you read that right) so randomly started (in his thirties) sending him £20 each week... very strange. We dont need it but he won't accept it back, suspect he feels guilty.

My dad gives me and brother £3k a year each as the inheritance tax relief rules allow. He started doing it about 8 years ago.

My sons are 32 and 35.
They still get an allowance each month, my DH buys and insures their cars.
We pay their private medical care.
Also paid deposits and first 2 years mortgages.
We also have savings accounts for future grandchildren school fees.
Neither are spoilt, they are both very kind and caring.
The way we see it, we have more than enough, and why not set them up whilst they are 'young' enough, rather than (hopefully) years into the future when we peg it and it will all be theirs any way.

Supported me while doing my undergraduate degree but nothing since then.

My mother stopped giving me any money as soon as I left school and went to college and I never asked her for anything. When I returned to study as an adult & parent, my mum contributed towards childcare costs as I wasn’t eligible for help from the uni for nursery fees And I’d given her my savings for an emergency last year so it was kind of a repayment. She only did that until my youngest turned 3 and got state funding. My sibling took a lot of money from our mum over the years - help towards a house, help towards multiple weddings (no comment), he lived rent free in a flat she’d bought for him and she bought him food. This went on into his 30s. I was embarrassed to have my mum help me out as an adult but I know our situation wasn’t quite the same as I’d loaned her money first.

My parents have paid for (or towards) significant expenses for my family eg school residential trips, private medical treatment etc. I don't know for a fact, but I don't believe that they offer this help to my sibling who probably earns four or five times what I do!

You can't put a price on buying your first home, first car etc. yourself though

This has been such an interesting read, thank you for all the replies.

A couple of questions were asked, I used the word "caregiver" as where I am from (New Zealand) it's just a typical thing to say as to not offend anyone who were raised by anyone other than parents :).

I grew up very poor, no food type of poor, and my husband was in foster care so have never had any help, we had to pay for my mum and younger brothers for several years but recently saw the light and cut ties so it was such a foreign thing for me to hear people get to much help from parents.

But in saying that, I absolutely love the thought of helping out my kids with a house deposit, treats etc. I wouldnt give them an allowance as I feel like it would teach them yo be accustomed to it where as I would really like that to be genuinely thankful for it (as many of you are) I would also rather see them having an easier life while I am around rather than an inheritance when I am gone.

A close friend of mine get alot from her parents and its expected, its very easy to feel frustrated with her.

In saying all that though, because of the way I grew up I have been conditioned unfortuanlty to think people only help when they want something in return and to throw it back in my face (mum issues) so when my boss who has I think taken pity on me offered to lend me money to help with a house deposit (they have worked very hard for their best egg and I pay them back with interest) I cried. I could bit understand why someone would help unconditionally.

I am in turn a very generous person and would give those close to be the shirt off my back. I also have my brother and his girlfriend living with me and my family and the money they pay board $60 each, I put $30 into a savings account for them so when they can afford to get their own place the will have money for a bond or furniture etc, the do not know I'm doing this.

Gosh the typos in the above post are terrible.
That will teach me not to proof read, so sorry!

Not at all.
When I started university at 18 I lived 3.5 hours away from home. Whenever my parents came to visit they would take me for a big food shop as I didn't have a car. They paid for those one but other than that financially I was on my own. Always had jobs through uni.

When I finished and returned home to live they never charged me board (they always said why would we charge you to live in your own home!) as long as I put the money in a help to buy ISA each month they were happy with that. It really helped me get on the property ladder at age 25.

I'm now 27 and have never relied on my parents for anything financially. We paid in full for our wedding last year and neither set of parents paid a thing towards it. Not bothered in the slightest by this! They brought me up to manage my own money and be independent.

I wouldnt give them an allowance as I feel like it would teach them yo be accustomed to it

YY, my parents would agree with you there.

And I think that is right.

That sounds incredibly infantilising for two men in their 30s, @Rubyupbeat. Do they find it humiliating their parents are still bankrolling them well into adulthood?

Incidentally, this thread reminds me of conversations with my grandparents, especially my dad's dad who died when I was in my early teens but who had fully expected to go years before that.

I remember asking him about his own granddad, when I must have been about 8. Very matter-of-factly, he told me had dim memories of an old man who couldn't move much and needed looking after, and who died 'when I was your age'. My granddad was big on family history and I know from his family tree that this man had had a successful pub and made a lot of money, but by the time his grandson was old enough to remember, he'd sold it all and that money had come down to his children. He himself was back to living in one room with his adult daughter. He died in his mid 60s.

The world has changed so much. I for one am very glad that the parents of people in their 30s, 40s, 50s and even 60s are not shutting up shop and expecting to pass everything down to their children. But, we do need to remember that the idea of parents passing money down to children is no new idea, and in past generations it was sometimes actually much more wholesale than it is today.

That sounds incredibly infantilising for two men in their 30s, @Rubyupbeat. Do they find it humiliating their parents are still bankrolling them well into adulthood?

this. They get an allowance? Daddy buys their cars and pays their mortgage for 2 years^? They've never had the chance to know if they can make it on their own. They might have money, but they've been cheated out of the chance to be self-reliant.

@Rubyupbeat My parents are very wealthy (their home is a stately home/country estate with tennis courts, a boating lake etc level of wealth) and my husband’s family, while not at the same level, are very comfortable indeed so I’m not asking this from a position of jealousy or anything but...

Do you not worry about the impact that level of support will have on your sons’ relationships? When I was younger and single, I would have run a mile from a man who was still getting daddy to pay his car insurance. It would have been a major, major turnoff.

My mum pays subs for my kids rainbows and guides. I don't need her too she just likes to.

Otherwise all money from my parents is a loan and has to be paid back. My dad has £30,000 he keeps in the bank from his parents estate which is £10,000 each for me and my siblings to borrow at any time. I currently have the full allowance having borrowed it twice before!! Better than a personal loan as no interest or time limit.

When my parents die the money will be ours to keep or the debt taken off any inheritance.

I hope I'll be able to offer similar to my kids or maybe even gift money towards house/kids etc but an allowance once working full time is absurd!!!

Ruby whilst what your are doing is very kind I also think it is kind of mortifying- have they no shame? My husband and I are late thirties and wouldn’t dream of expecting our parents to give us an allowance or pay our car insurance. It is totally bizarre.