to be fed up of seeing what a great time my SIL is having in lockdown?

[TwiggetyTwig]

SIL (DP's sister) is a single parent with 3 DC and lives in a sort of hippy commune in the countryside. She has a job she can do from home and is able to set her own hours (self employed). Her DC are home educated. She's a bit chaotic and has been a source of endless worry to the PIL over the years for one reason or another.

Since lockdown, she's been posting daily updates about how fanfuckingtastic it all is. Every day they've been out doing shit like paddling in the stream, or going for bike rides in the woods, or cooking dinner on a fire with her DC and the other DC who live with them, while I'm stuck in a house with a hanky sized garden trying to work set hours including being in video meetings whilst entertaining 3 bored children who usually are off to school every weekday! They just have so much freedom! Even for the difficult stuff like shopping, the adults are sharing the workload and pooling resources.

They are having pizza nights and camping out in fields and making water slides in the garden and to them it's just a holiday. Every evening she is hanging out with the other commune members and playing games or drinking wine or singing round a fire. She's not lonely like I am Daily she is posting updates about how lucky she feels to have this lifestyle and it's just starting to feel a bit...galling. I mean I don't expect them to live in miserable silence but I'm tempted to unfollow her on Facebook as it's just frustrating seeing how her slightly bizarre lifestyle choice has ended up being a real bonus in this situation! I probably sound like a jealous cow and overall I'm not, I wouldn't want to live her life (not sure I could handle it tbh) but it is making me think I've missed a trick right now!

@LoisWilkersonslastnerve If you find it annoying, unfollow them, people can do what they like on their own page.

It's understandable to be a little envious of, for example, people with houses in the countryside or big gardens who are still being paid but not having to wfh and are doing fun stuff with their dc. You don't need to live in a commune to achieve that! Being pissed off that the SIL's lifestyle you looked down on is proving to be more enjoyable than yours - not so pleasant tbh.

What do you expect to see when you log on to Facebook, if not other people’s posts? I don’t understand why people seem to think having a Facebook account, looking at it, and following people who annoy you is mandatory.
You can “kondo” social media. If it doesn’t bring you joy, don’t look.

Maybe nows the time to think about how you can change your life

Unfollow I'd it bothers you.

I unfollow anyone who pisses me off. Make Facebook work for you.

concentrate on what you do have. be thankful for a garden and that you are not in the top of a towerblock and turn off her feed as it is not helpful. It is tough to do but it is worth it for you if you can manage it at least some of the time. (been there done that still get pissed off when people tell me they have been in their own garden all afternoon)

You made your choices, she made hers. It seems that hers are working out quite well for her in the current situation. Try to be happy for her.

Your current situation is not actually made worse by her apparent happiness. Finding the generosity of spirit to be pleased for her might make you feel better.

Sounds great..I’d love it

"Jealous? I'd be worried about her and her kids"

Why?

@NotNowPlzz I got that vibe too!

SIL's lifestyle sounds fantastic. Good for her!

@LoveIsLovely
I do unfollow arseholes on fb thanks. If you've never been irritated by anyone on social media congrats you are a better person than me!

@Greenmarmalade

Me too! I wonder if it’s the people who feel they’ve won in life seeing people with lower social status having more fun?

I think you have a point you know. I was telling my DH about this and similar threads and he couldn't stop laughing.

There was another thread saying would she be unreasonable to ask her friends to stop posting pics of having fun with their kids.

My DD17 was perplexed by it

You sound like a terrible miserable jealous person. You enjoy looking down on her and now you can't. Who needs enemies with family like yours?

Why are you lonely and why do you not have an adult sharing the hard stuff with you?! You say you have a DP.

Sounds like you were used to her previous role as the chaotic black sheep to whom you were superior and now the tables are turned and her unconventional lifestyle is suddenly to be envied, and the tables are turned, your nose is out of joint and you are peeved.

Yes, coming on to say EXACTLY this.

Good for her, having a ball, let her enjoy it.

"I do unfollow arseholes on fb thanks. If you've never been irritated by anyone on social media congrats you are a better person than me!"

Of course I've been irritated, that's why I got rid of it.

I probably am a better person than you though.

🤣🤣🤣

Why the rush to ‘reassure’ the OP that her SIL is likely to be miserable , unfulfilled, doing badly be her kids , etc etc. Why do we begrudge happiness? Why would it make anyone happier to know that a relative was struggling and suffering?

And not everyone who lives communally is a hippie. Not everyone who lives communally is in a cult. For people who can do it it seems a very rational way to live. Especially for a single parent.

So sorry you are struggling and finding life hard at the moment OP.

I don’t get the rush either. The op has admitted that for a while feeling above was a nice feeling, well the sil is actually happy now so that’s good.

As soon as they announced the lockdown I disable all of my social media as I knew it could affect my mental health watching people with supposedly perfect lives and me not being able to go out away from it all.

Remember the grass isn't always greener on the other side. I'm sure there are parts of your life she envies too. You've said she is a lone parent, just because she has friends doesn't mean she's not lonely she is still responsible for raising her kids alone.

You chose your life op, no one else did that for you.

Fucking hell, would you want to live like that long term?

Why wouldn't you?

I doubt she’s unhappy. She’s chosen it and appears happy because she is.

Many wouldn’t like it I know but we’re all different.

I spent some time living in a commune - it was wonderful and frustrating in equal measure, I worked outside the commune and because of that couldn't immerse myself in a way that would have integrated me completely. I was very envious of the other mums who worked the land, homeschooled and never had to venture into the outside world.
I loved the mutual support and as I had young dc's at the time and had recently escaped a very violent relationship it was a very healing experience.

I often regret that I ultimately left to live a more conventional life and dream of being able to live that way again.

I think your SIL is reaping many benefits for her during this pandemic, good for her.

Me too, @CharlieTangoBanana, though long before I had my son. I was very happy there, though life took me off in another direction eventually. Of course it had its frustrations — and a lot of meetings — but it was a benign and contented time in my life, and I’ve kept in touch with some people from back then who are still friends.