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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to be fed up of seeing what a great time my SIL is having in lockdown?

251 replies

TwiggetyTwig · 11/04/2020 22:32

SIL (DP's sister) is a single parent with 3 DC and lives in a sort of hippy commune in the countryside. She has a job she can do from home and is able to set her own hours (self employed). Her DC are home educated. She's a bit chaotic and has been a source of endless worry to the PIL over the years for one reason or another.

Since lockdown, she's been posting daily updates about how fanfuckingtastic it all is. Every day they've been out doing shit like paddling in the stream, or going for bike rides in the woods, or cooking dinner on a fire with her DC and the other DC who live with them, while I'm stuck in a house with a hanky sized garden trying to work set hours including being in video meetings whilst entertaining 3 bored children who usually are off to school every weekday! They just have so much freedom! Even for the difficult stuff like shopping, the adults are sharing the workload and pooling resources.

They are having pizza nights and camping out in fields and making water slides in the garden and to them it's just a holiday. Every evening she is hanging out with the other commune members and playing games or drinking wine or singing round a fire. She's not lonely like I am Sad Daily she is posting updates about how lucky she feels to have this lifestyle and it's just starting to feel a bit...galling. I mean I don't expect them to live in miserable silence but I'm tempted to unfollow her on Facebook as it's just frustrating seeing how her slightly bizarre lifestyle choice has ended up being a real bonus in this situation! I probably sound like a jealous cow and overall I'm not, I wouldn't want to live her life (not sure I could handle it tbh) but it is making me think I've missed a trick right now!

OP posts:
funnyoldonion · 11/04/2020 22:51

Agree with @EineReiseDurchDieZeit

malificent7 · 11/04/2020 22:52

Easy solution...give up everything and join a hippy commune. Sorted.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 11/04/2020 22:53

You are lonely and overwrought with work and kids.

Sounds like it's you partner you should be pissed off at not his sister.

Malvinaa81 · 11/04/2020 22:55

She's being careful what she puts on there for you to see.

It clearly annoys you, so unfollow or snooze her, and get on with your life, which for many is difficult enough at the moment without making ourselves unhappy with comparisions.

Greenmarmalade · 11/04/2020 22:56

@SandyY2K This jealousy over other people's lockdown fun intrigues me

Me too! I wonder if it’s the people who feel they’ve won in life seeing people with lower social status having more fun?

Love51 · 11/04/2020 22:57

There seem to be a few threads here which are basically comparisons between people who have made different life choices. There are loads of things about your sil's lifestyle that I would hate, and I bet you are the same - that's why neither you nor I live in a commune. There are loads of things I would hate about living alone, so I don't do that either. Now is a time when everyone's circumstances are magnified, but there are always going to be people with better circumstances than you, and worse. (sometimes it's the same person, but you're in a different mood!) Comparison really isn't helping at the moment, we all just have to play the cards we've got, however unfair that may seem.
You DP is absent from your post except at the start. Is he working crazy hours? If not, make sure he's doing his share of supporting home learning and childcare, it shouldn't be on one parent. You refer to a DP and loneliness - is he the issue?

Beechview · 11/04/2020 22:57

It’s not easy feeling lonely but it’s not your sils fault that you are.
You can organise pizza nights, camp in the garden (maybe not all night) and fun stuff for your kids who’ll probably think it’s just as much of an adventure as her kids do.

TwiggetyTwig · 11/04/2020 22:57

Oh you're all probably right. It's just annoying seeing someone living the perfect stress free lifestyle while I don't think I've ever been so stressed before! I'll get over myself, snooze her (thanks for the tip), and remember I am lucky to have what I do have :)

OP posts:
BirdieDance · 11/04/2020 22:58

OP, in this situation I would totally be you. The workaholic, education driven mum etc etc. However, the current circumstances we are all in proves completely that your SIL probably is getting it right far more than us. Connecting with each other and making the most of the unexpected time together we suddenly have is something to enjoy. Soon enough (hopefully) things will be back to some sort of normal.

RJnomore1 · 11/04/2020 23:00

Fucking hell, would you want to live like that long term?

Chiyo666 · 11/04/2020 23:00

Get a grip. It is what you make of it. I have 3 kids too and no garden but we’re having an amazing time in between working.

TwentyViginti · 11/04/2020 23:01

A friend lives in a huge ex mansion type building of flats, with large grounds including a mini wood. I was beside myself with jealousy when he sent me pics of a 'social distance' party the residents were having outside, a bring-your-own food and drink type do. He was pictured petting a pet rabbit. All I could message was "go and wash your hands, you shouldn't be petting animals other peope have touched" instead of saying "wow! nice idea to have a sensible party"

I couldn't talk to him for the rest of the evening, I was so bitter and jealous, being holed up alone in a normal terraced! it's one of the side efffects of living in quarantine conditions, for sure.

raspberryk · 11/04/2020 23:01

It sounds fantastic, good for her.

Horehound · 11/04/2020 23:03

How can she be hanging out with community members and going camping etc? It's against the rules Hmm

Mintychoc1 · 11/04/2020 23:05

OP I’d definitely unfollow her. I’d be irritated too. But I’d also remind myself that whilst that lifestyle works well in a lockdown situation, the rest of the time (which, let’s face it, is the vast majority of the time) it would be a bloody nightmare. Chaos, people around all the time, kids everywhere, no peace, no security - it’s my idea of hell. Yours too I imagine, otherwise you’d be doing it.

WorraLiberty · 11/04/2020 23:06

And to be fair OP, there'll be people reading this who are stuck in a high rise flat with 3 kids who would give anything for a 'hanky size' garden right now.

babasaclover · 11/04/2020 23:07

Nothing is as it seems on SM

AvalancheKit · 11/04/2020 23:07

Does she pay taxes?

TwiggetyTwig · 11/04/2020 23:07

@Horehound they have acres of land with a lake and stream so are camping in their own field. And I assume they all count as one household, because they share a kitchen and bathrooms and eat together most nights.

OP posts:
SeaLettuce · 11/04/2020 23:08

@Horehound, she lives with them. In a commune. They’re all one household.

WorraLiberty · 11/04/2020 23:08

How can she be hanging out with community members and going camping etc? It's against the rules

I would've thought communes have different rules to normal households?

OhCaptain · 11/04/2020 23:08

Sounds like you were used to her previous role as the chaotic black sheep to whom you were superior and now the tables are turned and her unconventional lifestyle is suddenly to be envied, and the tables are turned, your nose is out of joint and you are peeved.

Yep! You should probably just try to be haiku for your own family, not jealous of them!

Horehound · 11/04/2020 23:08

I see.

Yes the taxes is a good question!

TwentyViginti · 11/04/2020 23:09

Does she pay taxes?

Bloody hell! Grin

Mrhodgeymaheg · 11/04/2020 23:09

Where is this place? It is my OH's dream come true and beginning to be mine.

Please tell!

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