to be fed up of seeing what a great time my SIL is having in lockdown?

[TwiggetyTwig]

SIL (DP's sister) is a single parent with 3 DC and lives in a sort of hippy commune in the countryside. She has a job she can do from home and is able to set her own hours (self employed). Her DC are home educated. She's a bit chaotic and has been a source of endless worry to the PIL over the years for one reason or another.

Since lockdown, she's been posting daily updates about how fanfuckingtastic it all is. Every day they've been out doing shit like paddling in the stream, or going for bike rides in the woods, or cooking dinner on a fire with her DC and the other DC who live with them, while I'm stuck in a house with a hanky sized garden trying to work set hours including being in video meetings whilst entertaining 3 bored children who usually are off to school every weekday! They just have so much freedom! Even for the difficult stuff like shopping, the adults are sharing the workload and pooling resources.

They are having pizza nights and camping out in fields and making water slides in the garden and to them it's just a holiday. Every evening she is hanging out with the other commune members and playing games or drinking wine or singing round a fire. She's not lonely like I am Daily she is posting updates about how lucky she feels to have this lifestyle and it's just starting to feel a bit...galling. I mean I don't expect them to live in miserable silence but I'm tempted to unfollow her on Facebook as it's just frustrating seeing how her slightly bizarre lifestyle choice has ended up being a real bonus in this situation! I probably sound like a jealous cow and overall I'm not, I wouldn't want to live her life (not sure I could handle it tbh) but it is making me think I've missed a trick right now!

@SeaLettuce Oh the meetings, endless meetings and always with someone who spent at least an hour saying what could have been said in five minutes.
I too have remained close friends with members who are still there and I love to go and visit.

@lino what would you be worried about? Most people post happy clappy shite on their social media. It's just the usual human peacocking shit we all do to convince everyone we're doing great.

Most people? We all do? I don't think so.

What would I be worried about? She's not observing the quarantine and I also strongly suspect that she's mentally unstable.

Also, I can’t help but feel that those who bang on endlessly about their lives on social media are trying to prove a point, whatever their lifestyle, the expression ‘doth protest too much’ comes to mind.

Exactly. Particularly at this time of unprecedented stress, suffering and uncertainty literally all over the world - to be bragging on a daily basis about how idyllic her life is at present is offensive. It's clearly not what someone who is living in paradise would do.

I really am surprised how gullible most posters on here appear to be.

Twiggety, if she is genuinely having a good time and is happy, good for her but think about it, would you like to live in a community like that? It sounds like Hell to me. Doing the things she is showing are OK for a weekend away but living with loads of other people and having to be constantly up beat would drive most people bonkers.

Just ignore, it's easiest.

What would I be worried about? She's not observing the quarantine and I also strongly suspect that she's mentally unstable.

Yes. She is observing the quarantine. She's only socialising with members of her own household. If she's living in a commune who all share cooking facilities and communal space, that's a household. They aren't expected to stay in their rooms and eat ration packs.

You also have zero evidence that she's mentally unstable. Posting happy stuff on Facebook or living in a commune instead of a three bed semi in Croydon isn't actually a symptom of anything.

"What would I be worried about? She's not observing the quarantine and I also strongly suspect that she's mentally unstable."

How is she not observing the quarantine and why would you suspects she's mentally unstable?

I will concede that maybe for those living in a commune it's impossible to practice social distancing with other members of the commune. Maybe.

However in an unprecedented international crisis, posting frequently on social media about how wonderful one's life is is not the actions of someone who is mentally stable. Or of someone who really does have a wonderful life.

I sure as hell wouldn't want her to be responsible for any members of my family.

I put nice photos of my kids playing, baking etc on social media - as does everyone else I know - I don't think positive posts on social media is an indicator of mental instability

And no, of course you can't social distance with members of your own household!

@LinoVentura by that measure I have 300 mentally unstable parents as friends on Facebook Don’t be daft, pictures of your kids having a nice time isn’t some sort of crime. Many lonely grandparents enjoy seeing the grandkids online. Not every one is offended by others’ enjoyment.

I will concede that maybe for those living in a commune it's impossible to practice social distancing with other members of the commune. Maybe.

However in an unprecedented international crisis, posting frequently on social media about how wonderful one's life is is not the actions of someone who is mentally stable. Or of someone who really does have a wonderful life.

I know who's emerging as 'unstable' here, and it isn't the OP's SIL. Get a grip, @LinoVentura.

@LinoVentura What's your qualification to be able to diagnose someone as mentally unstable from some thirdhand information?

Just because she doesn't fit into the 2.4 children, house in the suburbs, living a life of misery whilst eating only plain pasta during lockdown 'conventionality' doesn't mean she's mentally unstable; your assumption is unbelievably arrogant.

Good for her.

Her life sounds idyllic. I've always dreamed about living in a hippy commune and singing songs round the fire...although in reality I would probably last five minutes.

@LinoVentura What's your qualification to be able to diagnose someone as mentally unstable from some thirdhand information?

It's called a modicum of common sense.

your assumption is unbelievably arrogant

Your assumption - i.e. posting every day that she is living an idyllic life right now must be a reflection of reality - is unbelievably naive.

@LinoVentura - so anyone posting nice pics on social media of their kids being happy is deeply mentally unstable and may not be mentally competent to care for their own kids?

Dear gods, this country is screwed if that's true!

If you're upset by seeing other people having a lovely time on social media that's a sign you are unhappy yourself in some way. Although happiness and unhappiness are not constant states for anyone, everyone fluctuates between the two. Most people don't post on social media when they're unhappy, at least if they do it's rarely to make a display of their unhappiness.

I personally don't feel comfortable posting about my happy times on social media because I am aware of how it can make other people who are going through a hard time feel, as I've been there myself. I have come to a place where I am happy to see pictures of others having a great time because I know I have great times too, I'm just not telling all and sundry about it. When I didn't feel like that I took myself off social media and that helped a lot.

I love this. I bet the OP's dined out on being snooty about the 'wacky SIL' for years. Ha ha. Tables are turned now, hey OP?

@LaLaLandIsNoFun Common sense my arse.

Let's face it. You seem to be most upset because someone has the audacity to actually enjoy the time they're spending with their children, rather than self-flagellating, eating gruel and sitting indoors mourning.

It may not be a 'holiday' but, fuck me, people can enjoy themselves. There's no ban on fun yet as far as I'm aware; although if some MNers got into power I don't doubt that'd be one of the first legislations to pass.

Sorry, @LaLaLandIsNoFun - That wasn't aimed at you.

The above was aimed at the arrogant, fun-sponge known as @LinoVentura

so anyone posting nice pics on social media of their kids being happy is deeply mentally unstable and may not be mentally competent to care for their own kids?

Imo it's wrong to post more than occasional pictures of children on social media. As adults we are old enough to choose to post pictures of ourselves, from the present or from when we were children. I don't think we have the right to make that decision for children.

This thread is a perfect example: children having their privacy eroded so their mum can show off to the world about how wonderful her lifestyle and parenting are. It stinks.

I very much hope the SIL and her kids are having a whale of a time, it sounds as if they may well be. We should all be trying to drag as much good out of this situation as we can.

Interesting to see how threatened some people are by those who make so-called 'unconventional' life choices, though. How quick they are to belittle and denigrate. It reflects badly on them, tbh.

They just have so much freedom! Even for the difficult stuff like shopping, the adults are sharing the workload and pooling resources...She's not lonely like I am

Aren't the adults in your household sharing the load? Where is your DP? She is a single mum - why would you begrudge her the help/support? If you feel lonely, please talk to your DP or call your friends and family rather than getting hung up on your SIL's life.

she is posting updates about how lucky she feels to have this lifestyle and it's just starting to feel a bit...galling.

it's just frustrating seeing how her slightly bizarre lifestyle choice has ended up being a real bonus in this situation!

YABU. I expect her "bizarre lifestyle choice" has many benefits and always has done (which is why she made that choice!) During this crisis everyone is reassessing what is important (homeworking, support networks, access to nature) it just sounds like your SIL reached these conclusions before the crisis hit.

I've already made my position clear however as I have faced questions and criticisms I will summarise my opinions. According to the OP:

Since lockdown, she's been posting daily updates about how fanfuckingtastic it all is. Every day they've been out doing shit like paddling in the stream, or going for bike rides in the woods, or cooking dinner on a fire with her DC and the other DC who live with them

to them it's just a holiday. Every evening she is hanging out with the other commune members and playing games or drinking wine or singing round a fire. She's not lonely like I am sad Daily she is posting updates about how lucky she feels to have this lifestyle

I have two problems with this:

Firstly unlike many if not most of you, I simply cannot take this at face value. There's an unprecedented global pandemic and someone who lives in a commune is posting on social media on a daily basis about how idyllic her and her children's lives are. Seriously?

Secondly I think it's wrong to post daily or frequent photos and information about one's children on FB and other social media. It's an invasion of the children's privacy. We didn't have to go through that and we don't have the moral right to do it to our children. Nor is it necessary.

I have almost 600 'friends' on FB (friends is a definite misnomer in most cases). Plenty of them are parents but none of them post daily photos and updates on their children's lives.

Apparently believing the above makes me mad, and you're all sane. Fine by me.