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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be fed up of seeing what a great time my SIL is having in lockdown?

251 replies

TwiggetyTwig · 11/04/2020 22:32

SIL (DP's sister) is a single parent with 3 DC and lives in a sort of hippy commune in the countryside. She has a job she can do from home and is able to set her own hours (self employed). Her DC are home educated. She's a bit chaotic and has been a source of endless worry to the PIL over the years for one reason or another.

Since lockdown, she's been posting daily updates about how fanfuckingtastic it all is. Every day they've been out doing shit like paddling in the stream, or going for bike rides in the woods, or cooking dinner on a fire with her DC and the other DC who live with them, while I'm stuck in a house with a hanky sized garden trying to work set hours including being in video meetings whilst entertaining 3 bored children who usually are off to school every weekday! They just have so much freedom! Even for the difficult stuff like shopping, the adults are sharing the workload and pooling resources.

They are having pizza nights and camping out in fields and making water slides in the garden and to them it's just a holiday. Every evening she is hanging out with the other commune members and playing games or drinking wine or singing round a fire. She's not lonely like I am Sad Daily she is posting updates about how lucky she feels to have this lifestyle and it's just starting to feel a bit...galling. I mean I don't expect them to live in miserable silence but I'm tempted to unfollow her on Facebook as it's just frustrating seeing how her slightly bizarre lifestyle choice has ended up being a real bonus in this situation! I probably sound like a jealous cow and overall I'm not, I wouldn't want to live her life (not sure I could handle it tbh) but it is making me think I've missed a trick right now!

OP posts:
juliecastin · 12/04/2020 02:53

Your post makes me rethink how much people might envy my lifestyle. I loveeee posting especially because my immediate family lives far from me and I'm a millennial lol. My life is what some might call a fairytale or dream come true. I post because I am happy and really don't think of showing off (I wonder why people automatically assume that who posts about their life want attention or dont really have a happy life beyond SM Hmm )....anyways sadly I can understand how you must feel you just need to acknowledge that you were jealous of her lifestyle for this small period of quarantine. I believe it can happen to any of us. We look at someone's lifestyle and daydream about it. But then weigh the pros and cons and remember how blessed we are. However, to get annoyed with someone being happy and showing their happy life that reveals your own heart. You can be happy if someone seems to have a more miserable life than you but bitter if they are having a good time. That's sincerely a bit nasty. You can mute her alright but maybe it's time for a reality check? Why does it bother you so much to the point of needing to block her? Why does it annoys you that she is posting her joyful life? And why do you assume it is not that wonderful behind the doors? Just some questions....

Sotiredofthislife · 12/04/2020 03:13

You need to take a critical look sr yourself and your choices. You seem to want confirmation her single parent status coupled with home schooling and communal living makes her inferior to you. It doesn’t. I would unfollow her. With friends and family like you, she sure as hell doesn’t need enemies, eh?!

echt · 12/04/2020 03:25

Please read the OP's update. She's given her head a wobble with the greatest of candour and good humour.

LinoVentura · 12/04/2020 04:29

I'm obviously a lot more cynical than most of you. If her life really were so wonderful she wouldn't feel the need to document it so frequently and in such glowing terms - she'd be too busy enjoying life. It sounds like BS to me.

Jealous? I'd be worried about her and her kids.

LoveIsLovely · 12/04/2020 04:31

@lino what would you be worried about? Most people post happy clappy shite on their social media. It's just the usual human peacocking shit we all do to convince everyone we're doing great.

motherheroic · 12/04/2020 04:33

She is clearly delighted that her choices are paying off. And those of you who thought you were better than her hate to see it.

RoseLalique · 12/04/2020 04:44

A friend of mine grew up in a commune. It has scarred her for life. I’m not going to go into details here as I respect her privacy (even posting anonymously would feel wrong) and I think it would drag down the lighthearted nature of this thread because some of it would be triggering. Not all communes are the same I’m sure but my friend definitely experienced a murky side to it when growing up.

Also, I can’t help but feel that those who bang on endlessly about their lives on social media are trying to prove a point, whatever their lifestyle, the expression ‘doth protest too much’ comes to mind.

AgentJohnson · 12/04/2020 05:00

It sounds like her life has always been like that. It's just that you used to view it as chaotic and now view it as desirable. Her circumstances haven't changed - just your attitude towards it.

This

I’m not on social media (can’t be arsed) but I really do not understand complaining about what other people post. There are simple things you can do to stop seeing posts you don’t like but instead, bitching and the expectation that they self censor is the go to.

Green isn’t your colour.

Rayagoldensun · 12/04/2020 06:01

If it’s stressing you out or pissing you off then unfollow her. And I totally agree with PPs who point out that it’s easy to hide insecurities, anxieties and unhappiness behind a wall of seemingly life affirming and happy posts. I don’t know anyone who isn’t finding the whole pandemic/lockdown a total head fuck in some way or other or who isn’t impacted by it in some way. I had an aunt who had fb been around I her day would have had an utterly nauseating social media presence. Everything in her life was either absolutely, stunningly amazingly wonderful, or the worst thing that has happened to any human throughout the history of man. The reality was very much someone whose life was exceptionally normal in every way. You’d just not have known that from how she presented it.

Shiraznowplease · 12/04/2020 06:23

I go to work,normally three days but due to need now 6/7 days a week. I envy people who are WFH AND SAFE ALBEIT BORED WITH THEIR CHILDREN WHILE I AM A FRONTLINE WORKER. NOBODY HAS EVERYTHING , My job is secure, I have no money worries which other people probably envy. This virus is all about evaluating where you and and when things get back to normal what do you want your normal to be

tallah · 12/04/2020 06:28

You do sound jealous yes, stop looking at it. I can never understand people who get so annoyed with what others do. You actually just hate your own situation which is fine, this isn't easy, but it's nothing to do with her so leave her alone

CtrlU · 12/04/2020 06:31

So tired of these jealous threads:

Simply delete her if her posts bother you. It’s hardly her fault your bitter and alone.

Quarantimespringclean · 12/04/2020 06:41

Remember most people only put the good things on FB. I don’t post ‘Just had massive row with DS because he’s a picky, self centred little sod who leaves the kitchen in a mess’. I post ‘Look at the flowers my lovely son just bought me’. They are both true, just one is private and the other I choose to make public.
For every delightful communal meal and camping night in the woods I am sure there are gritted teeth and strong words because some bastard ate the last KitKat and left skid marks in the loo.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 12/04/2020 06:45

Good for her!

But i can see why you envy her - I've never met her, and I do, too!

SpeckledyHen · 12/04/2020 06:46

Simple .Stay off FB and the green eyed monster will die when he isn’t being fed anymore.

Egghead68 · 12/04/2020 06:46

Good for your sister-in-law!

RibenaMonsoon · 12/04/2020 06:47

I don't see what's wrong with enjoying isolation and trying to make the best of it. As long as we aren't breaking the government rules what's the harm in trying to make it fun, especially for the children. I think it's really important to make light of this crappy situation where kids are concerned as they are out of routine and it's all going to be very confusing and uncertain for them right now.
If it's upsetting you that much then unfollow her. But there's nothing wrong with what she's doing. I think it's awesome!

Breeblebree · 12/04/2020 06:54

I want to know what your lifestyle is like?! There are so many different dream lifestyles and your post gives no clue as to which it might be! Are you very rich in a swanky pad in a big city? Do you live on a farm raising chickens and gyo veg? Are you an artist or performer making a living what you genuinely love? Do you lead a quiet, contemplative life on the edge of a tropical beach gazing at the sea? Are you out there in some difficult place doing charity work, or fighting for justice and making a real difference in the world? An explorer? Inventor? So many awesome possibilities and I’m just curious to know which one as fun as it sounds! I’m glad you’re loving it whichever it is!

Breeblebree · 12/04/2020 06:57

That was aimed at @juliecastin

Sandybval · 12/04/2020 07:07

Just unfollow. She has probably recieved criticism about the way she chooses to live before, and maybe is revelling a bit in the fact she has now come up trumps. It's good for anyone who is managing to enjoy it through the darkness, but if it's making you feel bad then best not to look.

catwithflowers · 12/04/2020 07:15

@ChandlerIsTheBestFriend

“I can’t understand why you haven’t already!! Do it! And do the same for anyone else who is irritating you on FB.

There were too many on mine so I deactivated the account” 😁

Me too! 😬

Minty2020 · 12/04/2020 07:21

Sounds absolutely idyllic, wish I was a member of her commune at present. Maybe a big wake up to everyone that material things aren’t what brings true happiness !

unhappyclap · 12/04/2020 07:22

I dont think think you are being fair on her as you can easily unfollow and she has every right (even if it is annoying) to share the fun she is having, in fact doing so might be cheering someone up out there.

I'm jealous of you for having a garden, I have no outdoor space at all.

BelleSausage · 12/04/2020 07:22

@Shiraznowplease

You speak a lot of sene. Maybe this will make people reevaluate their lives and choices. I know I have!

OP- just stop looking if it stresses you out. She has taken the road less travelled and it has worked out for her. Try to be happy for her and maybe try to fix what’s stressing you out in your own life.

bettybattenburg · 12/04/2020 07:25

It's sounds absolutely brilliant but in reality she'll also be dealing with personality clashes, different parenting styles and money worries plus squabbles over whose turn it is to clean up communal areas and belongings.