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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be fed up of seeing what a great time my SIL is having in lockdown?

251 replies

TwiggetyTwig · 11/04/2020 22:32

SIL (DP's sister) is a single parent with 3 DC and lives in a sort of hippy commune in the countryside. She has a job she can do from home and is able to set her own hours (self employed). Her DC are home educated. She's a bit chaotic and has been a source of endless worry to the PIL over the years for one reason or another.

Since lockdown, she's been posting daily updates about how fanfuckingtastic it all is. Every day they've been out doing shit like paddling in the stream, or going for bike rides in the woods, or cooking dinner on a fire with her DC and the other DC who live with them, while I'm stuck in a house with a hanky sized garden trying to work set hours including being in video meetings whilst entertaining 3 bored children who usually are off to school every weekday! They just have so much freedom! Even for the difficult stuff like shopping, the adults are sharing the workload and pooling resources.

They are having pizza nights and camping out in fields and making water slides in the garden and to them it's just a holiday. Every evening she is hanging out with the other commune members and playing games or drinking wine or singing round a fire. She's not lonely like I am Sad Daily she is posting updates about how lucky she feels to have this lifestyle and it's just starting to feel a bit...galling. I mean I don't expect them to live in miserable silence but I'm tempted to unfollow her on Facebook as it's just frustrating seeing how her slightly bizarre lifestyle choice has ended up being a real bonus in this situation! I probably sound like a jealous cow and overall I'm not, I wouldn't want to live her life (not sure I could handle it tbh) but it is making me think I've missed a trick right now!

OP posts:
pinkyredrose · 12/04/2020 09:01

Sounds like she has a great life!

bluejelly · 12/04/2020 09:03

She may not be as happy as she's making out. Truly happy people don't share endless pics on social media of them being 'happy'.

Rezie · 12/04/2020 09:08

I assume that her lifestyle has been judged by others and now that it's desirable she wants to rub it in other peoples faces.

Michaelbaubles · 12/04/2020 09:09

Rabblemum has a great point, about how we measure success. At the end of the day, surely success = being happy in your own skin, in your own bubble. If you lost everything except the basics, would you enjoy the company of the people you’ve chosen to be with, would you have enough in your head to be able to occupy yourself with?

DP has a very “successful” friend - high up in a well-known company, travels a lot, has a big house and fancy car, beautiful wife, two lovely kids...he’s whinging all the time about not being able to play golf, hates being “locked up” with his children, fights with his wife, is pacing around feeling caged in. Meanwhile DP, who has a low-paid creative career, and I, with a middling boring but reliable job, are very very happy lying on the lawn watching the birds, doing an Easter egg hunt for the DC, making cupcakes, sitting reading for hours looking out of the window...but his friend has openly scorned those sorts of “boring” things before, and wouldn’t consider eg walking round his big garden with the kids looking for leaves. He’s much richer than us and has accumulated far more but he’s miserable! I’m divorced and broke and live in an unfashionable place that people laugh at but it also means I can afford to rent a bigger house and we have local friendly businesses and open space nearby.

drspouse · 12/04/2020 09:10

My DB is similar in hippy outlook but not in a commune. He has (against guidelines) gone to his other home (he'd say it was his first home) in a highly affected area. His DCs may be living the outdoor life but I know the background including more than mild neglect, struggling with education due to nobody bothering to teach them, there's more I won't mention.
I just feel a bit worried for them with all the travel, exposure to other people etc. I'm pretty sure my DCs will also have a nice summer, and if we have problems we are near help.

Michaelbaubles · 12/04/2020 09:11

(I do realise you can be rich AND happy and that’s probably the ultimate, but a lot of people work hard to pay for all the things they feel they need because they work hard and end up in a trap that’s hard to escape from)

MarshaBradyo · 12/04/2020 09:11

She could be having a much harder time so I’d say it’s good she has found a place to feel happy.

Branleuse · 12/04/2020 09:14

Sounds idyllic, and yet she has been constant source of worry and your life isnt?
Leave her alone and unfollow her if you cant bear to see her making the best of the situation

wehaveafloater · 12/04/2020 09:23

She's probably got just a crappy drippy low volume shower and a composting toilet that might be a bit wiffy. Probably living with over familiar garlic eating busy body's who don't have an idea of personal space and bad breath. She's probably craving a deliveroo. And she's probably got money worries like most people do.

( ok she's also probably not and they are probably all actually having a fab time, but it might help if you think poor her instead of lucky cow )

Miljea · 12/04/2020 09:34

I have a friend of which my mother would say 'All her geese are swans' 😂 -and during this lockdown, this is indeed the case.

However, I have known her long enough, and from before the wealthy husband and private school thing to know how much of her 'my life is so wonderful' is goose dressed as swan- to generally not get sucked in by it.

I can not deny that some comparison gets me occasionally wound up- I'd like to be wafting around my garden as my DH rustles up wonderful meals, instead of wallowing in Covid soup (I'm HCP) whilst my DH is putting in a 40 hour week in the back room, but I'd still rather lead my life than hers!

And I don't block her because some of her posts are unwittingly very funny as DH and I marvel at how reality is shoehorned into fantasy.

As an aside, from my experience of commune living, they're often riven with rivalries, jealousies, unspoken hierarchies and tensions which no one within them dare voice for fear of ostracism; and many of the DC from them leave at the earliest opportunity, never to return.

Like RL, they're rarely what they seem.

LaurieMarlow · 12/04/2020 09:44

Just mute her. I’ve idea why this very simple action is so difficult for MNers.

In a more general sense, you need to get over your feelings. Lockdown oddly suits some people.

Our IT guy in work (who has significant but well masked social anxiety) is in some ways living his dream life at the minute, directing operations from his bedroom, at home with his wife, cats and garden. I wonder if we’ll ever get him back to the office.

ssd · 12/04/2020 09:46

Yes unfallow her

NoMorePoliticsPlease · 12/04/2020 09:46

YABU because you are reading her posts on Facebook. You dont have to do that, delete the stupid Facebook

echt · 12/04/2020 09:48

RTFT.

The OP has accepted she's been a bit unreasonable.

Longtalljosie · 12/04/2020 09:51

I imagine she’s had a lot of judgement in the past for her choices and right now she’s enjoying the fact that for this particular moment, they’re working out pretty well for her. Just snooze her. You don’t have to see it.

differentnameforthis · 12/04/2020 09:52

This is your issue, not hers. Can't you be pleased that she is safe, healthy and able to make the most of this time? You surely can't resent her that, knowing how lonely and isolated you feel.

Pollypocket89 · 12/04/2020 09:55

She may not be as happy as she's making out. Truly happy people don't share endless pics on social media of them being 'happy'

Why do people say this? Is it to make themselves feel better or is it what they're actually doing when they post on social media? Plenty of people do post because they are happy and post for themselves. It's such an alien concept to me people presume otherwise

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 12/04/2020 10:01

You made different choices, you chose to have three children and love where you do and she made different ones.

As for FB, I always take everything with a huge pinch of salt. It’s usually all for show and me me me I’ve found.

echt · 12/04/2020 10:02

RTFT.

The OP has accepted she's been a bit unreasonable.

LaurieMarlow · 12/04/2020 10:03

You do know that there’s no law to say you should rtft, don’t you?

tallah · 12/04/2020 10:14

@lauriemarlow haha yeah I can't be arsed reading the full thread - and I have a valid point which I would still like to make Smile

JRUIN · 12/04/2020 11:02

Sounds fucking great! No wonder you're jealous. But you know what they say, comparison is the thief of joy, so rather than getting all bitter and twisted you just unfollow her surely?

LoisWilkersonslastnerve · 12/04/2020 11:08

Sounds like you were used to her previous role as the chaotic black sheep to whom you were superior and now the tables are turned and her unconventional lifestyle is suddenly to be envied, and the tables are turned, your nose is out of joint and you are peeved*
This.

LoisWilkersonslastnerve · 12/04/2020 11:09

I do think people posting constantly on fb is annoying though op, with you on that!

OhCaptain · 12/04/2020 11:19

I’ve been posting a lot on fb/insta

  1. So that the family can see the kids they’re missing, and I can see my nieces and nephews and
  1. Because the memories function will be great for this! To look back and think well that was a batshit time!