to be fed up of seeing what a great time my SIL is having in lockdown?

[TwiggetyTwig]

SIL (DP's sister) is a single parent with 3 DC and lives in a sort of hippy commune in the countryside. She has a job she can do from home and is able to set her own hours (self employed). Her DC are home educated. She's a bit chaotic and has been a source of endless worry to the PIL over the years for one reason or another.

Since lockdown, she's been posting daily updates about how fanfuckingtastic it all is. Every day they've been out doing shit like paddling in the stream, or going for bike rides in the woods, or cooking dinner on a fire with her DC and the other DC who live with them, while I'm stuck in a house with a hanky sized garden trying to work set hours including being in video meetings whilst entertaining 3 bored children who usually are off to school every weekday! They just have so much freedom! Even for the difficult stuff like shopping, the adults are sharing the workload and pooling resources.

They are having pizza nights and camping out in fields and making water slides in the garden and to them it's just a holiday. Every evening she is hanging out with the other commune members and playing games or drinking wine or singing round a fire. She's not lonely like I am Daily she is posting updates about how lucky she feels to have this lifestyle and it's just starting to feel a bit...galling. I mean I don't expect them to live in miserable silence but I'm tempted to unfollow her on Facebook as it's just frustrating seeing how her slightly bizarre lifestyle choice has ended up being a real bonus in this situation! I probably sound like a jealous cow and overall I'm not, I wouldn't want to live her life (not sure I could handle it tbh) but it is making me think I've missed a trick right now!

I’m just wondering how the “Stay At Home” mantra works in a hippy commune. Does it mean stay in your own hut/tent and how does the social distancing work? I’m intrigued to know how lockdown works in a commune setting.

You forgot 'house'

Well I'm jealous of her too so I'll keep you company. 😂😂😂

I’m just wondering how the “Stay At Home” mantra works in a hippy commune. Does it mean stay in your own hut/tent and how does the social distancing work? I’m intrigued to know how lockdown works in a commune setting.

I guess the whole commune locks down together, like flatmates in a single shared house do? If they all share a kitchen/cooking facilities I'm not sure they could do much else. Maybe not ideal, but different people's lifestyles fit the lockdown model in different ways.

I think it sounds quite nice. I wish I'd got myself signed up with a nice friendly commune when I had the choice!

I never understand why people want other people to be unhappy because they are.
So you normally disapprove of her chaos but now you're envious?
Just snooze her and invest your energy elsewhere.

Yup, it’s the rubbing your nose in it , isn’t it?
Would piss me off too !

How on earth is the SiL 'rubbing your nose in it'. She's just living her life. Nothing to do with the OP, anymore than the OP was rubbing the SiL's nose in it when (I presume) she posted positive stuff when things were going well for her.

Different strokes for different folks and all that.

YABU

It sounds like a wonderful place, but why not just unfollow her rather than wasting time moaning about her? Why are you doing something that makes you unhappy if you have a choice not to?

I suspect I know why you do though: I also home schooled for a while and was thought of (incorrectly) as 'chaotic', 'slightly bizarre' and 'a worry' by some, who disapproved hugely and who made it very clear they thought their 'conventional' way was right and my choice of lifestyle was wrong. This is how you feel, right? I can see how you'd be annoyed by her happiness because you enjoy criticizing her, and now you're upset that her way of living is better suited to the current situation. But you can't stop looking because you're used to 'checking-in' regularly to fuel your need to feel superior.

Maybe just step back, leave her alone, and concentrate on adjusting your thinking to boost your neglected self-esteem? Your 'comparison' habit is a sodding waste of time that could be better spent improving your own happiness.

She might be jealous of your stability. You never know what's going on in people's heads.

If you want that kind of lifestyle, go and do it. It's not like she's flying around in a helicopter or something. No need to be jealous of something that's achievable.

Personally I'd take a hanky sized garden over life in a commune; hippies make me want to chew my own arm off after five seconds in their company.

@RedRedScab Exactly! You put that really succinctly.

I also lived the kind of life that people were jealous of when I was younger - lots of travel and part time jobs and chaos. I wasn't happy at all actually and yet people were extremely cutting about it as though I had opted out of society on a whim. People hate it when you don't validate their choices by doing exactly the same as them.

I'm copying your post and saving it, it sums up so much of what I dislike about human nature.

You picked your choices, she picked hers.

I live in a commuter village on the edge of fields with a big garden. Right now I feel lucky as hell but I had to pass up some fairly big job opportunities to get here (because big opportunities tend to be in cities and.. not for me.)

If this is showing you things you don't like about your life then after it's over, change it.

Sounds like before all this you were moaning about how irresponsible she was. Good for her. She is living and embracing her lifestyle. You know you could have chosen that too

I've really never understood why people are upset by others doing well just because they aren't. But unfollow her, sure. I doubt she wants to be followed by someone who's only interested in her posts when they can think of her as disorganized and problematic. If you feel like that about her then seeing her posts just gives you the in to post something which you might regret and which she really wouldn't deserve.

It does sound like RedRedScab has your measure.

Perhaps, given you're stuck at home with little to do, this would be a good time to indulge in a little introspection as to why you've been unfairly judging her lifestyle and now can't be happy for her that she's doing well.

@TwiggetyTwig

Tbh all that actually sounds bloody exhausting.Its all fun while the sun is shining but what happens if the weather turns?

Are home educated kids getting a formal education that will enable them to hold down a job and lead am independent life when they are adults?

This sounds very similar to my situation.
It's me, 1 child and partner at home. My partner has always worked from home and fortunately this current crisis doesn't affect his job which obviously we're all very grateful for. I also work from home and again, my job isn't too much affected by this crisis. I understand the seriousness of it all and that there are a lot of people who have lost their jobs and their businesses they've worked so hard at to build over the years. I genuinely do feel devastated for them.

We had a handful of people who got nasty with us because of our situation because our jobs are safe and they know how much we enjoy spending time with our child when they're not at school.
We hadn't rubbed anything in their faces or really mentioned our situation to them but yet, they got so nasty and bitter over it. Saying how we should think before we speak and we shouldn't say how much we're enjoying this extra time with our child and teaching them other things that aren't academic.
I was posting just like everyone else was.
We did nothing wrong at all other than be our selves which we've always been around these people but they turned nasty and we no longer talk to them. There has always been a little jealousy towards us from these few individuals because of how we live our life and our lifestyles but we never rub it in anyone faces!

Sorry op, you do sound very jealous and bitter. It's not your SIL's fault that she is living a "better life" than you right now. Maybe try channeling those negative feelings into doing something more positive? Feeling how you do isn't healthy and it will only eat away at you and make you feel worse.
This situation isn't forever.

@EineReiseDurchDieZeit yeah this basically

If you had her life, would you not be doing the same?

Are home educated kids getting a formal education that will enable them to hold down a job and lead am independent life when they are adults?

Some are- some aren’t. Just like some school educated kids are getting a formal education that will enable them to hold down a job and lead am independent life when they are adults and others are left to founder and be utterly neglected so they leave school with zero prospects.

Who/how does she pay to live there? It's not just voluntary? She must pay a bob or two towards the bean sprouts and tofu?

Why DO you follow/look at her stuff?? Utterly baffled by people who do this and then feel envious/unnerved by what they're seeing. You DO know it's optional don't you?

OP, did she have to put a lot of cash in to get into the commune? Is it in Somerset out of interest? I know someone who invested quite a bit of money in a big house there, with others who did the same...they live a self-sufficient life. I wonder if they have them for people who are coming up for retirement.

From your op it sounds like she’s lived that way a while... no need to be jealous of her now. Turn off social media and focus on you.

This is how real Romany should be able to live. I've no idea where your sil is, but she's very lucky and if in the UK, tell her Pritti Patel is after her.
Maybe she'll be ok if she's white mc. but good for her, I'm sure her happiness is no pretence.

I had to snooze someone who was posting daily updates about their "self imposed isolation" which included their commute to work and, ummmm, shopping trips. I skit didn't know what to say - was slightly confused about how that could be "self imposed isolation". She was just so smug about it all. So I snoozed her. Feel much better. Had a quick leak yesterday and it was a post about how quiet her train carriage was so she could put her bag on the seat. Post was headed "self isolation day # - benefits".

Sounds like you preferred it when you we're the "good" one and she was the outcast.

She's just living her life and making the most of the situation. Good for her. Don't be so bitter, it will only make you more miserable.

managedmis This line right in the OP explains how she pays to live there > > She has a job she can do from home and is able to set her own hours (self employed).

Honestly, her lifestyle sounds awesome. Someone upthread said that it must be difficult but presumably if it was, the SIL wouldn’t be living there.

And to the OP, everything that @EineReiseDurchDieZeit said.