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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be fed up of seeing what a great time my SIL is having in lockdown?

251 replies

TwiggetyTwig · 11/04/2020 22:32

SIL (DP's sister) is a single parent with 3 DC and lives in a sort of hippy commune in the countryside. She has a job she can do from home and is able to set her own hours (self employed). Her DC are home educated. She's a bit chaotic and has been a source of endless worry to the PIL over the years for one reason or another.

Since lockdown, she's been posting daily updates about how fanfuckingtastic it all is. Every day they've been out doing shit like paddling in the stream, or going for bike rides in the woods, or cooking dinner on a fire with her DC and the other DC who live with them, while I'm stuck in a house with a hanky sized garden trying to work set hours including being in video meetings whilst entertaining 3 bored children who usually are off to school every weekday! They just have so much freedom! Even for the difficult stuff like shopping, the adults are sharing the workload and pooling resources.

They are having pizza nights and camping out in fields and making water slides in the garden and to them it's just a holiday. Every evening she is hanging out with the other commune members and playing games or drinking wine or singing round a fire. She's not lonely like I am Sad Daily she is posting updates about how lucky she feels to have this lifestyle and it's just starting to feel a bit...galling. I mean I don't expect them to live in miserable silence but I'm tempted to unfollow her on Facebook as it's just frustrating seeing how her slightly bizarre lifestyle choice has ended up being a real bonus in this situation! I probably sound like a jealous cow and overall I'm not, I wouldn't want to live her life (not sure I could handle it tbh) but it is making me think I've missed a trick right now!

OP posts:
user3274826 · 11/04/2020 23:44

Sounds like the life she's lived for years that you've been cynical of is now benefiting her greatly.

This with bells on.

XoXoXo2 · 11/04/2020 23:45

Her life sounds amazing! Seriously. I bet the kids love it.

loserssaywhat · 11/04/2020 23:48

How do I join this commune? It sounds fabulous.

Didyoumeanme · 11/04/2020 23:52

YABVU

Hide her if it bothers you so much. Not her fault where you are located, the size of your garden, your work schedule, nor your current situation.

I mean I don't expect them to live in miserable silence but I'm tempted to unfollow her on Facebook as it's just frustrating seeing how her slightly bizarre lifestyle choice has ended up being a real bonus in this situation!

This line alone says a lot. You don’t approve of her lifestyle therefore she shouldn’t be seemingly happier than you who has a more normal lifestyle. She has a community aka help and resources during this and you are struggling and you don’t like seeing her doing better than you.

Why not be happy for her instead of being jealous?

DuesToTheDirt · 11/04/2020 23:55

Just remind yourself that in all communal setups there's someone who doesn't do their share of the washing up or cleaning, someone who doesn't buy loo roll, someone who nags, someone who eats all the biscuits, someone who drones on endlessly about absolute drivel....

Reginabambina · 11/04/2020 23:56

Well don’t you sound lovely. Nightly socialising with singalongs and full time homeschooling sounds like my idea of hell but I’m glad that someone isn’t suffering in all this. It also great that she’s able to live the life she wants and raise her children the way she wants despite having such unsupportive family. Maybe she just couldn’t resist the temptation to rub it in your faces after what sounds like years of judgement?

Coyoacan · 11/04/2020 23:57

I really can't understand all the posts on mumsnet complaining about seeing their friends and relatives on facebook enjoying their lives.

When I know that things are going well for someone I care about, I'm delighted as that is one less person to worry about.

LittlePaintBox · 11/04/2020 23:59

Just mute her on FB if you don't enjoy her posts.

I frequently have to do that to people who slightly annoy me, they don't know and I don't have to struggle with feeling like a mean person!

I'n sure there are many drawbacks to your SIL's situation, but it just happens to be adaptable to current lockdown conditions. It strikes me she must get a fair number of negative comments usually, and is just getting her own back!

Luzina · 12/04/2020 00:00

Snooze for 30 days Facebook function is the answer

Its ok to feel pissed off. But it will get exhausting if you keep thinking about it...

shinyredbus · 12/04/2020 00:01

You sound jealous and petty. Maybe just Unfriend her - and her ‘bizarre lifestyle choice’

Mimishimi · 12/04/2020 00:05

Sounds awesome

Tdaadfb100 · 12/04/2020 00:07

Blimey. I think this says a lot more about you than her. Maybe have a look at your own life choices. Not judging but maybe you have some inner anger/jealousy issues there. Maybe see a therapist when this is all over? I am joking, of course... ;-)

Xmasbaby11 · 12/04/2020 00:08

You still wouldn't want her life though. Look at the whole picture and not just the highlights. Presumably your set up usually works for you, but like many people you're struggling to wfh with dc. I feel similar but it doesn't make me want to change my life.

Try to be relieved someone you love is happy and well and you don't need to worry about her.

Shortfeet · 12/04/2020 00:09

Yup, it’s the rubbing your nose in it , isn’t it?
Would piss me off too !

WorraLiberty · 12/04/2020 00:09

When I know that things are going well for someone I care about, I'm delighted as that is one less person to worry about.

This ^^ in spades.

WorraLiberty · 12/04/2020 00:11

Yup, it’s the rubbing your nose in it , isn’t it?
Would piss me off too !

No it isn't. It's a grown woman choosing to update her Facebook account as she sees fit.

Unless the OP is the only 'friend' she has on there.

ChandlerIsTheBestFriend · 12/04/2020 00:15

Just thinking about this, a single mum, with what sounds like an unsupportive family, chooses a lifestyle where she has lots of support, a community, a great work/home life balance, and it’s working out really well for her. She’s happy living life with her children and people to help her. You should be happy for her OP. Your family couldn’t provide the support she needed so she had to go elsewhere for it. We’re you hoping she’d never make a happy life for herself so you’d always be better than her?

T0tallyFuckedUpFamily · 12/04/2020 00:17

Even for the difficult stuff like shopping, the adults are sharing the workload and pooling resources.

So, if I’m reading this right, they’re all mixing freely within the commune? I wouldn’t feel jealous, as my main concern would be the possibility that the virus will end up running rampant through the commune, due to others leaving it in order to shop. They can keep their commune and I’ll stay my house, thanks.

hadenough · 12/04/2020 00:18

To be honest, her lockdown sounds pretty amazing.

But I can also understand why it makes you feel as it does. The worldwide lockdown has been a bit of ´pot-luck' and individual experiences vary greatly on where people are living and the people they have access to.

I don't think there is anything wrong with feel envious, or feeling a bit sad seeing her lockdown being a more positive experience than yours.

I'm sure you're also doing an amazing job in these very difficult circumstances.

But if unfollowing for a time helps you to deal with the lockdown better, than definitely take that option.

Lardlizard · 12/04/2020 00:24

It’s just her lifestyle suits this lockdown right now

Quicknewname · 12/04/2020 00:25

I’m just wondering how the “Stay At Home” mantra works in a hippy commune. Does it mean stay in your own hut/tent and how does the social distancing work? I’m intrigued to know how lockdown works in a commune setting.

creativecringe · 12/04/2020 00:27

You can mute people on facebook for up to three months. You can also unfollow what they post without removing the friendship

Summergarden · 12/04/2020 00:28

Firstly I need to ask for more details of this commune, it sounds bloody amazing and I want to join!

Seriously though, if it upsets you just unfollow or snooze her. If she’s a nice person then she won’t be posting to deliberately upset you. Maybe she even feels like most of the time people can’t see the benefits of her unconventional lifestyle and this particular point in time is her chance to show everyone that it can actually work brilliantly.

Bauble74 · 12/04/2020 00:29

Oh, all of my dc friends families seem to be living like the waltons right now, it makes me feel guilty when I’m still going out to work and when I’m home am exhausted. I’ve hidden all their posts this eve. Just hide her posts and keep your feelings to yourself, she probably is still scared like the rest of us, and who knows where this will end, not the time for falling out with people.

saraclara · 12/04/2020 00:33

You each made your own choices. While you've looked down on hers for so long, at this point it seems preferable. Which it might be. It seems that you're just annoyed that what you saw as a bad choice has worked for her. But this positive period for her might well be short.

But whatever's behind your feelings, just unfollow her if it bothers you. None of this is her fault.