to be fed up of seeing what a great time my SIL is having in lockdown?

[TwiggetyTwig]

SIL (DP's sister) is a single parent with 3 DC and lives in a sort of hippy commune in the countryside. She has a job she can do from home and is able to set her own hours (self employed). Her DC are home educated. She's a bit chaotic and has been a source of endless worry to the PIL over the years for one reason or another.

Since lockdown, she's been posting daily updates about how fanfuckingtastic it all is. Every day they've been out doing shit like paddling in the stream, or going for bike rides in the woods, or cooking dinner on a fire with her DC and the other DC who live with them, while I'm stuck in a house with a hanky sized garden trying to work set hours including being in video meetings whilst entertaining 3 bored children who usually are off to school every weekday! They just have so much freedom! Even for the difficult stuff like shopping, the adults are sharing the workload and pooling resources.

They are having pizza nights and camping out in fields and making water slides in the garden and to them it's just a holiday. Every evening she is hanging out with the other commune members and playing games or drinking wine or singing round a fire. She's not lonely like I am Daily she is posting updates about how lucky she feels to have this lifestyle and it's just starting to feel a bit...galling. I mean I don't expect them to live in miserable silence but I'm tempted to unfollow her on Facebook as it's just frustrating seeing how her slightly bizarre lifestyle choice has ended up being a real bonus in this situation! I probably sound like a jealous cow and overall I'm not, I wouldn't want to live her life (not sure I could handle it tbh) but it is making me think I've missed a trick right now!

because they share a kitchen and bathrooms and eat together most nights

Well that sounds like my idea of hell so I guess it all swings in roundabouts!

@Horehound if they live as one household it's fine.

Does she pay taxes?

Where the hell did that come from? And why?

Yeh living with so many other people would do my head in!

Snooze her on FB
TBH people who send a lot of time telling and showing everyone what a fantastic time and how well they are doing, generally aren't and lacking something in life

Stop being a po-faced miserable git, OP!

She is probably exaggerating how much fun she is having. Ignore her,

Horehound if they all live together then they count as a “household” and can do whatever they like.

Well done for owning your envy OP. This is just a blip remember, but it will be good for family relations in the long term if it helps the rest of you to see the positives in her lifestyle choices.

How can she be hanging out with community members and going camping etc? It's against the rules

I read the OP as they all live in a big property together so are technically one household?

1. Hide her posts on fb for now.

1. Call a friend/relative who has things worse than you do - no job or healthcare worker, shop assistant etc.

1. Remember that very few people post about the bad bits in their life.

Good for her. Sounds the perfect life and one I would have loved for my children.
If you are not jealous, then you wouldn't care what she posted.

It sounds like her life hasn't changed much due to lockdown so I doubt she's exaggerating.

Do some of the things they are doing. Have a picnic in your garden. Have a small campfire if it's safe. Set up some water play or mud play. You'll be grateful pretty quickly for you washing machine and no queue for the bathroom when the kids come in covered in mud and reeking of woodsmoke.

As PP have said - it can't be all roses. To live in a commune you have to put up with people you don't necessarily like or respect. I'd rather sit out the lockdown with a bit of privacy and home comfort.

I’d love to live in a commune! Different strokes I guess...

Just unfollow her.
Sounds like she is happy, good for her.
But I find if I get jealous, I imagine I have to live that whole person's life. Their kids, job, friends, financial situation, family, health etc... usually I feel less jealous then.

It sounds like her life has always been like that. It's just that you used to view it as chaotic and now view it as desirable. Her circumstances haven't changed - just your attitude towards it. I don't know if realising that will help or not.

I think you’re right to be a bit jealous. She has got it made right now and more importantly her kids will be having the best holiday ever.
However it’s pretty weather dependant - rural life in the cold and wet is miserable in my opinion. And imagine that in a commune. Yuck.
Let her have the “ good times” and be grateful for yours.

I think with commune living you have to take the rough with the smooth, at the moment it sounds like the SIL is making the most of the smooth. Good for her.

It sounds like her life has always been like that. It's just that you used to view it as chaotic and now view it as desirable. Her circumstances haven't changed - just your attitude towards it. I don't know if realising that will help or not

This is what’s really going on here isn’t it? OP ask yourself why you never envied her life before? Why weren’t you pining to be her then? Could it be because you actually prefer your own life by far but right now none of us are actually able to live our “normal” life? This isn’t your normal life, it’s lockdown. This isn’t the life any of us “chose” - we are all just trying to make the best of it. If you still feel this way when lockdown ends, then is the time to consider if you need to make some different choices. Not now.

I can't stand hearing about other people's brilliant lockdown either.
I'm feeling moody, sensitive, taken for granted by 2 males in the house that I can't get rid of, I can't even hear from my Dad who has a garden the size of a football pitch overlooking the sea, about how he's spending his days growing a huge selection of veg and herbs and sitting in the sun playing his guitar and doing yoga etc

I'm just like, "fuck off". I tried confiding about how stressful it was homeschooling a young boy and still doing all the domestic shitwork with no garden or anything to escape, he replied "you can still go out for walks. I'm alright staying all day in my huge garden"

I feel like deleting him. Seriously. It's having this affect on lots of people
You're not completely unreasonable.

However it’s pretty weather dependant - rural life in the cold and wet is miserable in my opinion.

Depends on your attitude tbh. The type of person to live out in a countryside commune, home educate etc is likely to be the type of person for whom “bad weather” doesn’t exist. Countryside living isn’t miserable in the cold and wet- you just alter how you live. And if your indoors is relatively dry and warm you’re far happier to be in the outside knowing what you’re going home to in the evening. I grew up in the country. There was always work to be done outside. I loved it tbh. An open fire in the house made it all very much easier. I wish I could have given my DC the upbringing I had.

The sunshine won't stay long...

You obviously disapprove of her lifestyle normally and that’s totally your choice, but I think if she’s has had some not so subtle digs about her choices and now actually she’s feeling like she can share what benefits her life has... then she is justified.

If you think it looks so good, why not jack it all in after lock down and do something similar. Your life, your choices. You aren’t stuck in the path you’ve chosen forever.

I think you need a bit of perspective, OP.

She’s a single mum raising children in what sounds like a difficult environment.

Do you really have all that much to be jealous of?

I sometimes feel a bit guilty that I am not hating lockdown that much, now I've started cooking again (for various reasons didn't cook for 6 months, but luckily got back in the kitchen before everywhere started to close). I work from home, my ds is furloughed on full pay (he's on call to go back if needed as he's technically a keyworker but his workplace has been requisitioned as a Nightingale hospital). I am pretty antisocial due to anxiety and grief, so no forced interaction is working well for me. I am not unwell, so can go out to the shops every few days to shop for me and my nan. I have Sky, Netflix, Disney+, and a good salary. It is all quite pleasant, but then I see friends with lots of angst over home schooling, having a partner WFH at the same time and struggling with competing demand for conference calls and wrangling kids, and food shortages. Apart from flour, I haven't had any difficulties getting groceries that will do, even if not exactly what I wanted.

I think some people will win and some will lose in this period, and while I am finding it ok now, I wouldn't feel the same if DH was still alive - I would be stressed and scared that he would catch it and not survive. I think you are seeing your SIL finding her current situation means she is coping well, and it is hard to understand that her previously undesired lifestyle is now more desirable than your own set up. You could try reframing it as your choices have led to your current struggles and hers have led to her more carefree experience, so logically, you could make small different choices and improve your own experience?