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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU - to not want to still be being punished for this a year on?

319 replies

Whatsername177 · 11/04/2020 19:24

About 14 months ago, I mistakenly assumed my dd (who was 7, nearly 8) knew there was no such thing as the Easter bunny. We had never really 'done' the Easter bunny. Just egg hunts and chocolate. She seemed non plussed, but then told her cousin who was upset. SIL was furious. I apologised to SIL. I spoke to dd, who told me she had believed in the Easter bunny until I told her it wasnt real. I felt terrible and apologised. Dd was upset, DH was furious with me. I felt awful, ate lots of humble pie. I got it wrong. A few weeks later we had a lovely Easter nonetheless.

Fast forward to this year, dd (now 8, nearly 9) has been crying to dh that she is upset because she now knows the Easter bunny isnt real. She actually said 'I still believe in the Easter bunny, I just know it doesnt visit this house'. DH is once again furious with me. She keeps crying and he keeps telling her it is ok and she can believe if she wants and trying to placate her by repeating how wrong mummy was. She feels very hard done by and I'm getting grumpy face and sad eyes from her.

I feel really pissed off - I have pulled out all of the stops this year to make Easter fun in lockdown. Shes going to have a lovely day tomorrow. We have been talking about the Easter Egg hunt and how exciting it all is. Despite my feelings, I have tried to be very gentle to sort things out and make her feel better - I asked her if she had a nice Easter last year. She said yes. I asked her why - who made it lovely. She said 'you and daddy'. I then said that we would do the same this year because we wanted her to have a lovely time and the only difference is that she knows it is mummy and daddy who make it special. (Even though daddy has F all to do with it). I said it was fine for her to be sad, but she should realise that she isnt going to miss out on anything because mummy has done everything she can to make things special and if she chooses to stay sad she risks missing out on the fun.

Anyway, DH is now even more furious with me. He says we should have come up with an elaborate scheme to 'reignite' her belief and that I've ruined her childhood. Hmm

I feel really pissed off. I fucked up a year ago. I am sorry. But I do everything for my kids. I always go a little bit extra for them. I feel like it's unfair to be flogged once again for my one mistake. Dd is 8. I know I can't hold it against her. But dh could be more helpful and less judgy.

AIBU to expect to be forgiven?

OP posts:
biscuitsanddiddums · 12/04/2020 02:31

I miss Germany 😊

EveryDayIsADuvetDay · 12/04/2020 02:47

DH and DD are deluded - surely she's seen piles of Easter Eggs in the supermarket?

Topseyt · 12/04/2020 03:01

I would honestly be telling both of them to stop being such a pair of twats.

Honestly, we have never done the Easter bunny thing in this house. I've always just given the DDs their Easter eggs and told them they were from us, or from Grandma and Grandad etc. Maybe we are just shit parents, but our DDs somehow seem to have survived.

NellGwynsPenguin · 12/04/2020 03:11

I think you need to have marriage counselling. He’s manipulating your dd against you to alienate you.

Why doesn’t your DH talk responsibility for all woo quackery and organise it himself.

That way if it’s a a shit Easter/ tooth fairy/ Christmas/ experience, you can point to him and say, he’s in charge of the fairy tales, nothing to do with me.

She’s nine, not three. And he’s a grown man.

NellGwynsPenguin · 12/04/2020 03:11

Why doesn’t your DH Take* responsibility

THEDEACON · 12/04/2020 03:13

I have never gone in for the Easter bunny shite and would be having extremely serious words with your DH (which in this case stands for dick head) Your DD is clearly mature enough to know how to play you nearly 9 is way to old be believing in the Easter bunny or indeed Santa shes nearly a tween ager In any case the Easter Bunny needs fining for non essential travel and stockpiling eggs !

Lynda07 · 12/04/2020 03:32

It has never occurred to me that anyone thought there was a real Easter bunny!

ButterbuttSquash · 12/04/2020 03:41

I’m all for the magic of childhood and everything that entails. Christmas is a big deal and I will make massive efforts to make it enchanting. But this whole scenario is mental. Your daughter has you both wrapped round her little finger. I couldn’t be arsed with creating a wonderful Easter after this behaviour from both of them, they’d have ruined that for me. They’re being rather ungrateful.

StinkyWizzleteets · 12/04/2020 03:58

Wait til they hear about zombie Jesus

LoveIsLovely · 12/04/2020 04:06

Your husband is ridiculous.

I don't think I ever believed in the easter bunny. Santa, sure. But I think we just thought of the Easter Bunny as a kind of character.

In France, they have a giant bell that delivers the eggs. Do you think your husband would be furious if you had revealed the truth about a giant flying bell?

I couldn't live with the drama. When I found out about Santa, I was sad for about five minutes then moved on. Children who roar and cry about material reality for more than a day or two get on my nerves tbh, but when adults do it, it's something else entirely.

TimeForDinnerDinnerDinner · 12/04/2020 04:47

Well done for sorting it OP Wink
Nice one Grin FlowersFlowers

Cissyandflora · 12/04/2020 05:25

Wait until she finds out about Christmas.

LorenzoStDubois · 12/04/2020 05:40

Wow - what a prick your "DH' is.

I really wouldn't climb down over this.
I would be telling him to fuck off for himself and that if he keeps this nonsense up - he will be seeing the inside of a new house after separation.

Your DD sounds like she's milking it too.
She gets it from him obviously and is being a bit of a toolbox, to be honest.

Both of them can get stuffed.

LorenzoStDubois · 12/04/2020 05:42

Cissyandflora
Wait until she finds out about Christmas.

Lol - she'll have a conniption.
Grin

pussycatinboots · 12/04/2020 05:43

the Easter Bunny needs fining for non essential travel and stockpiling eggs
GrinGrin

Staypositivepeople · 12/04/2020 05:52

That is fucking rediculous
Is your dh usually a nasty twat
He’s using your dd to take a swipe at you .

louise5754 · 12/04/2020 07:43

I'm actually shocked that people don't do the Easter Bunny thing. My Grandparents, parents and us have always done it.

Lordfrontpaw · 12/04/2020 08:30

Why shocked? If you don’t ‘do’ it and haven’t even heard of it what’s the problem? Easter bunny was a character but it didn’t bring eggs - why on earth would a rabbit bring eggs?

CecilyP · 12/04/2020 08:45

When did this Easter bunny thing even start; what exactly is it? I have only heard of it in the last 20 years or so. While it seems just about possible to believe that presents are delivered by a man from the North Pole, how can anyone, however young, believe that Easter eggs, the ones currently piled high in the Supermarket, are delivered bra rabbit. They don’t even have hands!

Your DH, SIL around like a right pair of drama llamas and need to be told how ridiculous they are being.

CecilyP · 12/04/2020 08:49

Louise5754, are you from the U.K? I would imagine I might be ages with your parents or grandparents, and I’d never heard of it. My parents certainly never mentioned it, neither did family friends or indeed my own friends.

louise5754 · 12/04/2020 08:50

@CecilyP Yes I live in Yorkshire

JourneyToThePlacentaOfTheEarth · 12/04/2020 08:53

Your daughter is manipulative and your husband is a dick. The Easter bunny isn't a thing. And def not at 8 years old. If I were you I would celebrate Easter from my bed with loads of snacks and leave them to their pity party. It's only because you behave like you're guilty that they keep rehashing it

TabbyMumz · 12/04/2020 08:55

Goodness me, you are all making quite a thing of it, arent you? Why do you need to make it "special", all sounds a bit silly to me Easter is just Easter . We used to do Easter egg hunts in the garden when they were toddlers, then theyd get their eggs. By the time they were about 6, theyd be non plussed about the whole thing. Why are you still trying to make it "special", like she is a little kid?

Lordfrontpaw · 12/04/2020 09:03

We would roll our decorated Easter eggs down a hill. Make bonnets and school. Eat chocolate ones and simnel cake at Easter.

No bunny.

SallyWD · 12/04/2020 09:04

I'm really sorry as you're clearly stressed but I found all the drama surrounding this quite funny! Honestly, everyone needs to calm down. My kids have never believed in the Easter bunny. They akways knew we hid the eggs. I don't actually know any children that believe in it. All our friends children know it's the parents and always have done.