AIBU - to not want to still be being punished for this a year on?

[Whatsername177]

About 14 months ago, I mistakenly assumed my dd (who was 7, nearly 8) knew there was no such thing as the Easter bunny. We had never really 'done' the Easter bunny. Just egg hunts and chocolate. She seemed non plussed, but then told her cousin who was upset. SIL was furious. I apologised to SIL. I spoke to dd, who told me she had believed in the Easter bunny until I told her it wasnt real. I felt terrible and apologised. Dd was upset, DH was furious with me. I felt awful, ate lots of humble pie. I got it wrong. A few weeks later we had a lovely Easter nonetheless.

Fast forward to this year, dd (now 8, nearly 9) has been crying to dh that she is upset because she now knows the Easter bunny isnt real. She actually said 'I still believe in the Easter bunny, I just know it doesnt visit this house'. DH is once again furious with me. She keeps crying and he keeps telling her it is ok and she can believe if she wants and trying to placate her by repeating how wrong mummy was. She feels very hard done by and I'm getting grumpy face and sad eyes from her.

I feel really pissed off - I have pulled out all of the stops this year to make Easter fun in lockdown. Shes going to have a lovely day tomorrow. We have been talking about the Easter Egg hunt and how exciting it all is. Despite my feelings, I have tried to be very gentle to sort things out and make her feel better - I asked her if she had a nice Easter last year. She said yes. I asked her why - who made it lovely. She said 'you and daddy'. I then said that we would do the same this year because we wanted her to have a lovely time and the only difference is that she knows it is mummy and daddy who make it special. (Even though daddy has F all to do with it). I said it was fine for her to be sad, but she should realise that she isnt going to miss out on anything because mummy has done everything she can to make things special and if she chooses to stay sad she risks missing out on the fun.

Anyway, DH is now even more furious with me. He says we should have come up with an elaborate scheme to 'reignite' her belief and that I've ruined her childhood.

I feel really pissed off. I fucked up a year ago. I am sorry. But I do everything for my kids. I always go a little bit extra for them. I feel like it's unfair to be flogged once again for my one mistake. Dd is 8. I know I can't hold it against her. But dh could be more helpful and less judgy.

AIBU to expect to be forgiven?

Easter bunny?? What Easter bunny? Where does that come from?
It's not like Father Christmas, most kids will not have heard of this. I have worked in primary schools for years, and have never heard a child refer to an Easter bunny.
I think they are trying to find a stick to beat you with. Watch your back.

We never did the Easter Bunny as I had never heard of it as a being that actually delivered eggs. I do a (frankly fantastic) egg hunt with clues around the house which I love doing, but they very much know it’s me doing it.

Mine (at 9 and 7) are very much playing along with the tooth fairy purely for the money and gold choc coins (I heard them discussing it on the trampoline one day) and I’ve never gone “full Santa”, just done the “well let’s leave a mince pie and see what happens”.

The magic of these events is great but if the storytelling then becomes so real that it ruins the day once they find out, it’s gone too far.

I remember as a child once I’d figured out Santa, playing along every year - I’m 42 now and when we are at my parents for Xmas I still get a stocking “from Santa”

God I have really had it with adults who perpetuate these beliefs and then get all po-faced and self-pitying when someone dares to let something slip and their child realises it’s not true (or can finally admit they know it’s not, having known for years). And it’s bad enough with Santa without adding the bloody Easter Bunny to the madness. If I met a child who genuinely believed in the EB I can guarantee I’d put my foot in it too, I mean what a load of twee bollocks.

You’ve done nothing wrong imo. And please, please op don’t miss this golden opportunity to do what pps have suggested and tell him that making all these things magical and perfect is his job from now on as you obviously aren’t up to it. Anyway you’ve done more than your share if she’s 8, so it’s only fair for him to take over. Then sit back and see how well he does and if he manages to stay on his high horse. FFS.

OP get a piece of paper and draw a line down the middle. Put your name in the left hand column, his in the right. Fill in your side with everything you've done to make Easter special for your DD this year. Give him the paper and invite him to fill in his side.

When he has nothing to write and tries to hand the paper back to you, tell him no, he can keep it - he'll need it for next year when it's his turn to create 'the magic of Easter'.

(I know you've said that the Easter bunny wasn't really what DD was upset about, but he should still be told he has to step up. He deserves to be put on the spot. And don't be joking about it either. He needs to know you mean it.)

He’s being an idiot. We have never done the Easter bunny and I used to get peed off with people who did when mine were young, as yet more pressure on parents

My 11 year old sobbed real tears because he doesn't have a certain fortnite skin and he can't get it. Except of course he wasn't really crying over the skin, he was crying because he misses his friends and his family and school and football.

Kids divert their feelings through all sorts of seemingly inconsequential things. Sometimes as parents we have to interpret what they are expressing rather than take it at face value.

The Easter Bunny is not a new thing. My mum
is nearly 80 and the Bunny brought her and her siblings an egg on Easter Sunday when she was a child.

Put your toe up the crack of his arse, hes being a bellend!

Never heard of children believing in an Easter bunny, is this a new thing? When I was a kid it was tooth fairy and Father Christmas, that’s it. Your DH is being ridiculous and your daughter is milking it.

I've read the OP twice, trying to work out WHY your DH is being such a cunt

Is he usually utterly devoid of reason? Is he usually less mature than your daughter? I can't get my head around it.

I would tell both of them, in no uncertain terms, that the matter is closed. You apologised LAST YEAR, you do all the donkey work to make family occasions enjoyable for all of them, and they need to stop carping about it like a couple of spoiled toddlers unless they want all their Easter chocolate to end up in the bin.

But then, I'm a bit of a cow!

@Feedingthebirds1 has it 👌

It makes no sense as a concept for a rabbit to bring eggs, chocolate eggs in big boxes with cadburys written on them, that the kids have seen in the supermarkets for 2 months.
No child actually believes this. Why would they, its completely nonsensical.
At least santa brings little treats you didnt even know you wanted, wrapped up in special paper.
My son is 10, stopped believing in santa at 8 but i still play along for the fun of it.
I would not be indulging in this ungrateful nonsense for one second and your husband is a dick.

@MsMarple, we never did the Easter Bunny either, but somehow DC2 was adamant from around Reception to Year 2 or 3 that it was totally a thing, despite having seen the eggs around the house that relatives had dropped off in the run up to Easter, and the ones we'd bought for their kids!

In the end we just went along with it and said the Bunny set them out for them. She could only have got it from school friends and /or television, she definitely never got it off us as she brought it up first.

Tell your DH that if he is genuinely bothered about your DD being unhappy, he needs to grow up very quickly and have a think about how he can help her cope with everything around lockdown and coronavirus - and that telling her he can bring in a mythical being to magic it all away just isn't going to work.

How absolutely absurd, this is why we shouldn't lie to our children about mythical creatures.
She is far to old for easter bunnies anyway. Your husband should get a grip.

You had a great chat with DD. Stand for no more shit from either of them. Kind but firm with DD and if it were me I'd be going mental at DH tbh.

• It makes no sense as a concept for a rabbit to bring eggs, chocolate eggs in big boxes with cadburys written on them, that the kids have seen in the supermarkets for 2 months. No child actually believes this. Why would they, its completely nonsensical.*

Neither does a guy who comes into strangers’ homes giving the children presents. A regular person doing that wouldn’t be exactly acceptable, would it? Heck, have you seen children’s cartoons, a lot of them are nonsensical.

Well I was in my thirties before I found out about the Easter Bunny. That was due to a sibling living in another country where they practised this. My Dn was totally aware that certain stuff came from Auntie and not the Easter Bunny who was used kind of like Santa to induce good behaviour

Just tell him you don't feel comfortable lying to your kid anymore and that he should give his head a wobble.

Oh cry me a river. By next year she’ll be so embarrassed if her friends think she believes in the Easter Bunny. Your DH needs to fuck off and take charge of Easter himself if a bloody egg delivering rabbit is so important to childhood.

I think a bit of perspective is needed here. She’s 9 not 6. Easter is becoming as commercialised as Christmas and kids are becoming more and more entitled about it all. When I was a kid you’d just be glad to spend the day gorging on chocolate.

The world is going to shit right now and your dh Is having a go at you for not trying to convince a 9 year old that RABBITS DELIVER CHOCOLATE??

@Lordfrontpaw

My DD10 still believes in the Easter bunny and so do her 2 best friends. She is a very magical/fantastical soul, loves Santa, the Easter bunny, fairies and is a big fan of Elves.

I misread this as a big fan of Elvis.

@TheMandalorian

The Easter Bunny dates back to at least the 1600s, and comes from Germany.

OP, I reckon it's mostly her upset about the coronvirus situation and she's projecting. Hopefully tomorrow will be another day.

@blubellsarebells

At least santa brings little treats you didnt even know you wanted

When I was a child (born in Germany) as well as hiding chocolate eggs around the house The Easter Bunny left an 'Easter basket' outside the bedroom door, lined with pastel coloured shredded tissue paper. Inside there'd be special gifts like wind up toys, shaped candles, vegetable seeds, scented soap, spring-themed decorations to hang off the Easter twigs (similar idea to a Christmas tree, but blossoming branches in a vase), painted wooden eggs, that sort of thing. They weren't things you knew about or asked for, just sweet little surprises.

FFS, what a palaver over nothing. They all need to get a grip!

I was surprised to find that this year DD age 7 still believes in the Easter bunny - she's quite a logical creature, a bit cynical (like me ) and if she hadn't brought it up then I wouldn't have.

The Easter Bunny is no way on par with Father Christmas either IMO!