I’ve told 4 friends that I’m struggling and they have all said the same thing

[IHopeYouStepOnALegoPiece]

All 4 have DC, I don’t. They have all said “oh try having kids when you can’t leave the house” “oh I wish I had your problems, it’s a madhouse here” “you don’t know how lucky you have it!” “Honestly, don’t moan it’s even harder with kids”

I’m a nanny 60pw, I’m used to having noise and a bit of chaos, a small kid hanging off of me or on me, being busy, having a conversation with a small child or 3 (occasionally a parent!). I’ve been furloughed and I live alone. I am incredibly lonely and am really struggling without physical contact (I mean a hug or just being close to someone!) or anyone to talk to face to face. It’s painful how lonely this is.

I’ve FaceTimed some friends but they obviously have other things they need to do so we don’t Talk for long.

I feel like I am being unreasonable because it is harder with kids all the time I’m sure but fucking hell, the silence around me is deafening.

And so many people are in the same position as me, I don’t for a second think I’m special or the only one feeling this way but I didn’t expect to feel so unreasonable

You are not unreasonable. I feel like ive never had more on my plate than i do right now.

These are tough times so yanbu to be struggling :-/

I felt like this and joined in some live stream events and chats. It’s really helped.

Sending a handhold OP.

You're not being unreasonable, you're just struggling in a different way to your friends. It's tough, and a huge lifestyle change for a lot of people. I can understand how lonely and isolated you must feel right now

No.
I have two small children and actually I've not found it very hard at all so far.
It must be very very lonely having to do it all alone and I agree with you that it's worse having to do this solitary.

YANBU, everyone’s struggling even without kids. Still stressful going from a routine and being busy every day to nothingness.

I don't think any situation is outright harder/easier as it's so individual!

I've had friends with DC say the same thing, and they shouldn't invalidate your feelings.

This lockdown is bloody hard, no matter your situation. You don't magically find it easier because someone is in a different situation!

My best friends is single with no dc, I'm married with a couple. We message each other expressing sympathy for each other's situation - isn't that what friends should do? I wish for some time away on my own and I know she wishes for her normal interactions. If your friends are all saying to you they've got it worst, they are just pretty crap friends (or lacking in empathy, which I'm starting to think an awful lot of people are).

You have been busy with people at work and then had to stop, for someone that loves being around people that's hard. Im the opposite, I'm loving the fact that my life has been forced to slow down and become more isolated.
I'm normal stressed the rest of the time as I hate the rushing around and I prefer my own company.
I'm not daft enough to think we're all the same. Yanbu.

You're not unreasonable at all, OP!

I don't normally live alone, but DD is with her dad while this is all going down, so I've been stuck inside all by myself for going on a month. Or maybe more. Or a bit less. I don't even know anymore ... it's all becoming a bit of one long blur of a lonely nightmare.

It's utterly normal to be starved for human contact. I do what you did, too, and have virtual meetups. I've even been to a virtual cocktail party - dress and all. I videochat with my daughter and the rest of my family daily. And with my boss. And my employees. And with friends. It still feels like an utter brain fuck!

I've seriously wondered at times whether I'm actually the only human alive and the others are all just a computer simulation.

Holding up alright here - but: whoever thinks it's an easy ride to be stuck by yourself and that it must be a bit of a treat is frankly a bit of an unempathetic arse!

But I'm all seriousness, I do understand it must be very hard. My mum is struggling too, she has lived on her own for a long time, but being able to go out and socialise has been her lifeline.

I hope this is over for you soon.

Sending sympathy OP. Your friends are feeling busy and tired and thinking that lockdown alone would be calm and peaceful, but for you it's sad and isolating. It's a shame they can't empathise with you.

Virtual hugs

Yanbu💐
I have 4 teenage DC and am very grateful to have everyone home and lots of company . Tbh I would also find it hard being alone for so long, a day or two would be pleasurable, but the novelty would soon wear off.
All I can suggest is you try and keep busy and structure your day. Rediscover an old hobby, learn a new skill , tackle a job you've been putting off, pamper yourself and keep contacting friends and family, hopefully this will all be over soon

I'm sorry you are struggling.. It must be very lonely...People are struggling in their own bubbles and missing others distressed flares I think...
Think you need to get out and about... Can you volunteer? You seem to be a real people person. It would dramatically help your mental health...

Sorry you are struggling, OP. I am a nanny also same hours and also live alone. I've been home just under two weeks now and I have to admit I'm enjoying the peace and I'm enjoying the lie ins I never get and filling my days up that they're actually passing quickly.

It is strange not having any human contact for sure and people with kids, whilst I feel I have it better not being locked up with kids, shouldn't under estimate how much not being able to cuddle the kids you usually have or be with your partner actually are. Also keep hearing positive speak about how we should appreciate this time with our family... when you live alone you are missing all of your family! But I do enjoy alone time so trying to focus on that. I'm sure it'll catch up to me soon enough the loneliness.
I'm in contact with people most of the day so don't feel desperately lonely tbh.

are you going on your daily exercise. Walk? Just seeing people from a distance and smiling and saying hi does help. I know it's not the same!

I have two DCs. I could not imagine being all alone. Some people have zero empathy.

I think the grass is always greener. I have 2 young dc and I dream of all the ways I’d spend this lockdown if I were alone, which I never am, ever. I appreciate objectively that your situation is very hard for you but I think I’d probably have given same response as your friends, I’d have say it without thinking. I wouldn’t now having read your post.

I’m sorry op, I hope some posters have some good suggestions that can take edge off for you.

I can completely understand that OP. It’s incredibly hectic in my house but somehow dealing with the kids brings routine and normality. If it was just DP and me it would be very, very weird.

Teddy pops
I think that’s the attitude the OP is referring to!

Everyone has their own limits - for me being on my own would be incredibly hard. I don’t mind the not going out as I don’t do that anyway but I have company in my husband and kids. My DH is finding the kids being in 24/7 hard though. Everyone is different. Your friends are crap. Have you told them what they are saying is actually hurtful and more isolating?

I think it's worse in your situation. Having a child or children realistically takes your mind off being alone. Being single is hard. My mum is on her own and I am constantly checking on her and trying to include her so she feels less alone as she is very social usually!

Good luck OP.

Your friends are not very nice. I HATE it when anyone trivialises someone else's problems, it's just horrible and totally lacking empathy.

My MIL (who I'm not always on great terms with) sent a message saying how hard it must be for us to be on lockdown with the kids, I countered with it must be harder for her as she is on her own!

Virtual handhold... and as others have said spend time talking to others online, even if it is anons like us...

Sending ❤❤💐💐

My family has the same kind of attitude (even though I'm pregnant 37 weeks) the
"there's is always someone worst off than your self" attitude.

And while that is true, it doesn't make your feelings invalid or wrong. I don't understand why people have such a problem talking about and listening to people's fears and anxiety.

We are all struggling in our own ways whether we live alone, with kids or pregnant.
Your not being unreasonable you are just trying to open up and have a conversation about your feelings which is what friends are supposed to do for each other rather than being dismissive.

So take it from me, it's ok to find this whole situation hard when you live alone. In fact, I actually disagree which your friends, I think having children in the house makes your day go faster. I wish my baby would hurry up be born so I have something to occupy my time.

If it's any comfort, try to focus on the fact that this is temporary, the lock down can't last forever.👍