I’ve told 4 friends that I’m struggling and they have all said the same thing

[IHopeYouStepOnALegoPiece]

All 4 have DC, I don’t. They have all said “oh try having kids when you can’t leave the house” “oh I wish I had your problems, it’s a madhouse here” “you don’t know how lucky you have it!” “Honestly, don’t moan it’s even harder with kids”

I’m a nanny 60pw, I’m used to having noise and a bit of chaos, a small kid hanging off of me or on me, being busy, having a conversation with a small child or 3 (occasionally a parent!). I’ve been furloughed and I live alone. I am incredibly lonely and am really struggling without physical contact (I mean a hug or just being close to someone!) or anyone to talk to face to face. It’s painful how lonely this is.

I’ve FaceTimed some friends but they obviously have other things they need to do so we don’t Talk for long.

I feel like I am being unreasonable because it is harder with kids all the time I’m sure but fucking hell, the silence around me is deafening.

And so many people are in the same position as me, I don’t for a second think I’m special or the only one feeling this way but I didn’t expect to feel so unreasonable

Oh, op, I am sorry you are feeling lonely. You are not unreasonable at all. Everyone is having a hard time with different things no matter differnt situations they are in. It's difficult to see other people's struggle when we are all experiencing some.
I hope you will find a better way to cope. Sending my thought for you.

Oops sorry, though you were replying to OP. Just realised you weren't. i apologise.

I think some of the comments to Missbax are pretty harsh. Saying why would she have kids? Bringing infertility into it?
Clearly people in all situations are struggling, now is not the time.
Op, I hope you're managing okay , have you been able to use any of the video apps to speak to friends or family? Are you managing to get out for fresh air and walks? Sorry if this sounds like I'm teaching you to suck eggs.
Missbax, I hope you're okay too . I'm struggling with a toddler on my own and that's without morning sickness and pregnancy fatigue!

MissBax I’m sorry you’re also struggling so much, I’m sure pregnancy isn’t making it any easier. I hope things get easier for you x

@SunshineCake Aggressive? Perhaps it's my Glaswegianness showing but it certainly wasn't my intention. It wouldn't work for me and would make me feel like shite. If telling the truth is aggressive, then chalk it up to that I guess.

I could equally say the same about your username with such a passive aggressive response if I was going to be a cunt about it, I spose.

I am really worried about a couple of the staff at my daughters nursery. They will have been furloughed too and I think in the same situation as you. Big hugs x

OP google NHS and GoodSam. My friend who is on her own and who has just been furloughed spent today delivering PPE as a volunteer and it’s made her feel a lot better.

My niece is in the USA ( I'm uk) she sits alone in her apartment that she shared with her fiancé I want nothing more than to be with her now. Her fiancés dada has just passed with covid 19 he is quarantined with his family as his grandma who lives in the family home has tested positive. He was a 911 operator for many years so 2 families torn apart who cannot even unite in grief.Alone or with kids its driving us all stir crazy ( I'm a carer 24-7 too) boredom and chaos I can live with.. death I cannot.Ive just seen one of these 'inspirational films' telling us this will go down in history, all the creative things we can tell our grandkids about etc...little mention of those we've lost to this awful virus other than statistics.

Sorry put wrong emojis up plz ignore.

I’m sorry you are struggling. Everyone is entitled to feel the way they do. Are there any events over the internet, I’ve seen a few choir/music ones. I’m blessed to have my small family round me and can o my imagine the loneliness of being on your own through all this and I love time by myself. Time for lots of googling and trying to make new online friends (is there something similar to internet dating for friends)

You are not unreasonable. I have to admit I was feeling sorry for myself having to homeschool, work from home, deal with the kids all the time etc. Then I spoke to my friend who lives alone and saw how utterly desperate she was. Her mental health is deteriorating, she's feels completely alone and isolated, like an animal in a cage she said. She told me she'd give anything to have the noise, chaos and mess of family life. After my chat with her I resolved never to take my life for granted again. I think it's much harder to be alone for weeks on end than be with your family.

I don't think having older children is always hard- mine are 13 and 16 and I'm glad of the company! They are no trouble at all. Getting them to school/keeping tabs on their social life is much more stressful.

I can completely see how this level of isolation is hard for you, OP. It's a shame your friends can't offer a listening ear and more frequent chats. I agree that joining in online activities/volunteering might help, but basically you feel lonely and that's an ok thing to state.

At the start of the lockdown I remember thinking that I was glad that I lived alone as I was likely to murder someone I had to live with 24/7. Now I am finding it really hard, like you OP.

I am going for a walk every day and pick up the paper for an elderly neighbour every day. In Ireland we can only travel 2km from our house so we are very limited in where we can go. Now I am just craving company and this is coming from someone who never had a problem being home alone, just not all the time.

OP have you considered fostering a dog? I know a couple of places that are looking for their animals to go to foster homes as staff have gone off sick or are isolating and there is no one to walk them. Or you could volunteer at one of those. Battersea dogs home are probably looking for help. Just a thought.

I'm glad you are getting comfort and ideas from this thread.

I think you know by now you are not BU and lots of people completely empathise with you. It is hard.

If it's any consolation I think your friends are (clumsily) trying to make you feel better not realising how thoughtless they are being.

Sending virtual hug to you, virtually flouting all social distancing guidelines!

Hi OP
Sorry to hear how you have been feeling. I'm alone too but am lucky I can work from home which helps pass the time.

I posted the other day I wished I could sleep through B/H and start work just to make the days go quicker.

I find reading helps me and going for walks. I have friends who are understanding which also helps.

I wake up thinking is this still and really happening...we will get through it!

It's making me reflect more on some of my life choices and think of the future.

I hope you find a volunteering role to do which you enjoy and also some positive online engagement as mentioned above.

Thinking of you and sending best wishes to

Lots of people are struggling, for lots of reasons.

There are two categories of people we are keeping a particularly close eye on at my workplace - those where there is a young child/children and both parents are working with no childcare; and people living alone (at our place in quite a few cases they are a flight away from their families too). I enjoy alone time but I would struggle with several weeks on my own.

People like your friends annoy the fuck out of me, people who think they have a monopoly on stress/sadness etc as if how you feel is any less real or important

Do we have to engage in competitive misery?

What I’m realising is that everyone’s circumstances are different and so are difficult in different ways.

I have a 5 year old, a 2.5 year old, and I’m working four days per week (husband working full time) both from home. That’s hard. My friend is single, furloughed and alone. That’s also very hard. My friend is caring for her elderly disabled mum. That is also hard. It’s all different but it’s all difficult and it’s not a competition.

As an aside - my kids are hard going during this particular period no doubt about it, but I am thankful every damn day that they are here and healthy and happy (and they give me a reason to get out of bed and get dressed).

All 4 have DC, I don’t. They have all said “oh try having kids when you can’t leave the house” “oh I wish I had your problems, it’s a madhouse here” “you don’t know how lucky you have it!” “Honestly, don’t moan it’s even harder with kids”

Unfortunately that's often the response from the sort of person who feels they're more important because they have children. Whether you're busy, tired, over-worked, worried, underpaid - whatever it is, it's always unquestionably "harder with kids".

The one thing that so often seems to be "harder with kids" is to be a decent friend to people that are childless, even if they would have loved to have a family.

YANBU.
One of my group of friends lives alone. I am mindful of this and always check that she's ok. She basically is ok, but I think partly because me and others check that she is.
None of us have really young kids though and I imagine that is really difficult.

I've a team of 17. There are one or two I am really worried about. Both are usually a bit vulnerable.

OP can you see if you can find a church, on-line book club, cookery society that could provide an outlet?

To be honest I think people with young families, esp if they don't have a garden, and single people are the hardest hit. The days must seem very long. However, on my walk this morning I made a point of saying "good morning" to everyone I passed and the response was very, very positive and made me feel better.

Could you contact your local food bank or Help the Aged to volunteer?

Sorry to hear this Lego. I’ve seen your posts a few times over the years. Here’s a podcast that might be worth a listen. Hope things get brighter for you (and everyone) soon.
www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/articles/1tqG3dgxyTzhnvjd7d9BfmK/you-are-not-alone-in-being-lonely-ideas-to-help-ease-loneliness

OP your friend are being unreasonable, youe feelings are totally justified. I wish i could say something to make you feel better. Please make use of your one outside walk a day, try going out at different times, try a different route, say hello to the people you see. When i went through a bad patch and was alone i bought a nice teddy so i could give him a cuddle ! He knows all about my life. a friend of mine bought one of the long pillows from argos to put in her bed so she felt as thoough she wasnt alone at night when her DH was on a 9 month detatchment. Do whatever you need to do to get through this.

I find the radio is good sometimes when I'm missing grown up voices(local sation or radio 2); or even crazy tweenie ones (radio 1). Yes, loneliness does creep up, even for those of us who enjoy a bit of down time.