STBXH thinks I am unreasonable for the following odd reasons.

[TravellingSpoon]

So last night my STBXH sent me a very long email, brought about by me pissing him off by suggesting he could call DD if he doesnt want to come over and see her, as she is very upset about the lockdown and not going to school etc. So the email is deflection from that. He lists some of my 'unreasonable behaviour' during out nearly 20 years together. These include:

• regularly going out with a friend for dinner and not inviting our family. Apparently this is weird behaviour.
• starting DS on a dietician recommended vitamin programme without consulting him.
• using family money to but a magazine subscription for DD for her birthday when I should have used my own money because he hadn't agreed to it.
• not helping more when we moved house 13 years ago
• buying an ugly painting and hanging it in the hallway.
• taking DS1 ( his stepchild) to university open days without consulting him and filling his head with fanciful ideas.
• when I was studying for my NVQ 3 at work I didnt listen to his advice (despite the fact he n is nothing about Health and Social Care).

He does this often, goes on long rants about odd stuff to deflect, but this is the best it's ever been. Some of these things must have been eating at him for years.

But it certainly cheered me up a little. Anyone else have little gems of behaviour like this?

My x now has the perfect wife. She agrees with him runs after him and supports him. He was a spoilt child so good lunch to her.

The ugly painting- this makes it all worthwhile.

It's a pretty short and insignificant list.

PS Did you help 13 years ago when you moved??

Search your conscience!

My STBXH says he had an affair because I chose the wrong shade of paint for the hall, didn't out as many kisses on my texts as he did on mine and never said I love you first. Diddums!

No1. Not weird behaviour at all, unless the friend had their family.
No2. If still together yes a bit weird that you didn't discuss it but not a major issue really.
No3. So was he going to buy her something seperate for her birthday from him. He definitely needs to get a grip there.
No4. I'm sure you did what you could. But can't really comment.
No5. Did he tell you what he thought of the painting, I'm sure its just a painting that could have came down if caused major offense.
No6. If it is his step child then he doesn't get a final say. But discussing it probably would have been good. But why does he feel that it is filling him with fanciful ideas. TBH that's a bit worrying, surely he should want him to go and do what he wants in life.
No7. Did you ask for advise? Some people just think they know it all. He sounds a complete twat and best your out of it.
Just reply and say are you calling your daughter or not? Lol

It's surprising what little peeves some people store up for years and years. An older lady I know had a falling out with her daughter (who is about 40) over something fairly trivial, but they stopped bothering with each other for some months. One day the mum got a letter from her daughter detailing all the "wrongs" that had been done to her over the years. One of them was "When I was a kid you always nagged me to clean my room when it wasn't really all that dirty."

Hrs clutching at very thin straws. He’s a dick.

My exh does this, we've been divorced nearly a decade! Still sends random rants a few times a year, my favourite was that I went to a hen do and he wasn't allowed to sit in the corner of the room to supervise!

My favourite reply is to totally ignore him or ask how his new ex wife is

My abusive now exh told me our relationship was never a close one as I never involved him in my periods or let him change a tampon

My DH does passive aggressive hoovering. It is usually done at slightly unsociable hours (eg when others are having breakfast or just sitting down with their book after dinner), and it is finished by leaving the hoover out at the end (I assume in case anyone in the household missed him doing it).

I don’t think I’ll divorce him for it though.

I read into that that you don’t make him feel very involved or important. Good co-parenting should include him in all of those conversations. Sorry but I think he maybe has a point

Oh look, my ex has turned up! 😉

He jasnt seen the children since February which is his choice, so he is as involved as he wants to be.

Thank you OP, this was a great thread, your STBXH would doubtless be exceedingly miffed if he knew what great entertainment value he'd provided to most of us. Hope he's very soon your actual EX.

Definitely do what frazzled suggested, ask about calling daughter and don't acknowledge the other hilarities

Oh god OP this made me howl laughing! Where do they get this shit? 😂😂 onwards and upwards x

I love this- mine are too outing to repeat, but I completely empathise. They must spend hours dredging their tiny minds for this crap.
Grey rock is the best response, if they can’t wind you up anymore they are lost!

I'm always fascinated by these controlling idiots, how on earth did they ever come to the conclusion they were entitled to dictate anything to other people?

Bizarre, but then anyone who's ever had the misfortune to try and run my life in ANY way has always come a cropper ASAP.

I agree with others: ignore him altogether. He's a waste of skin and air.

My ex threatened me for one whole year whilst I was still living with him due to financial reasons to take an occupation order to make me leave my own home for voicing my opinion of my own and raised my voice for any reason

“The respondent suffers from low moods and refuses to heed the advice of her doctor or take her medication.” (He has bipolar).

“The respondent drinks to excess.” (I haven’t drank in years and he’s an alcoholic).

It’s priceless.

@Windyatthebeach say whaaaat? You never let him change a tampon?

No wonder he’s an ex.

I actually hooted with laughter at the ugly painting point. Please, pretty please can you paste the actual sentence he wrote? I want to know exactly the shade of maroon it is and why you felt it had to be right on his favourite bit of wall.

@ButtonandPickle19 you cannot be serious 🙄

Aggressive microwaving really tickled me!

My little sister once sent me a letter along the same lines. The climax was that I’d broken her TinyTears doll. We were nine and seven.

He sounds sad and horrid in equal measures. I would respond politely and openly with regard to your children to keep avenues of communication open. But I would not respond to any of the arguments he is trying to trigger you for. They are history.

He sounds controlling and abusive in some ways.