STBXH thinks I am unreasonable for the following odd reasons.

[TravellingSpoon]

So last night my STBXH sent me a very long email, brought about by me pissing him off by suggesting he could call DD if he doesnt want to come over and see her, as she is very upset about the lockdown and not going to school etc. So the email is deflection from that. He lists some of my 'unreasonable behaviour' during out nearly 20 years together. These include:

• regularly going out with a friend for dinner and not inviting our family. Apparently this is weird behaviour.
• starting DS on a dietician recommended vitamin programme without consulting him.
• using family money to but a magazine subscription for DD for her birthday when I should have used my own money because he hadn't agreed to it.
• not helping more when we moved house 13 years ago
• buying an ugly painting and hanging it in the hallway.
• taking DS1 ( his stepchild) to university open days without consulting him and filling his head with fanciful ideas.
• when I was studying for my NVQ 3 at work I didnt listen to his advice (despite the fact he n is nothing about Health and Social Care).

He does this often, goes on long rants about odd stuff to deflect, but this is the best it's ever been. Some of these things must have been eating at him for years.

But it certainly cheered me up a little. Anyone else have little gems of behaviour like this?

Oh shutup @73Sunglasslover* your relationships must be deeply codependent.
Noone needs permission from their husband to buy vitamins or a child painting fgs.*

Wow, how rude. I'm sorry it makes you so angry when people have opinions which are not the same as yours. I didn't talk about permission so not sure where that comes from. Health decisions are something both parents are usually party to and it's not about a child's painting, it's about decor decisions which affect everyone in the house.

I'm thinking you will respond again with more rude and belittling comments and do knock yourself out if that feels necessary to you. I won't respond again to you though as I doubt that a real conversation is possible.

My ex once accused me of "microwaving aggressively"

I’ve just asked dh if he is upset that I never consulted him about decor decisions. He just sighed and said “mn or Twitter?”

Microwaving aggressively is excellent.

73sunglasses - should we consult our partners before putting DCs' pictures on the fridge, too?
And buying a birthday present for DC out of joint money rather than personal - not something worth arguing over, surely?
The vitamin one I can see his point, but it was recommended by the doctor, DC clearly needed them and I suppose OP presumed he'd be on board. (Or, if he's as petty and spiteful as that list suggests it may be she made the best decision for DC's welfare rather than let him derail the intended treatment plan).

Take the wind completely out of his flapping sails

@GinandGingerBeer Not much is making me laugh at the moment, but this did.

I love this thread.

One of my XH's gripes was that I preferred the children to him. He thought I would deny it.

I put the orange juice in the fridge door... in the place where the milk has to go apparently...

so he’d poured oj in his coffee... or so he said

I laughed for a few minutes but then realised I was being told off.

I mean OJ and milk look sooooo alike huh? Wtaf!

I don’t miss him at all. Shocking huh?

That was years ago, but when you have kids with these fuckers they’re the gift that keeps on giving....

In the space of 24 hours my abusive exP, my lovely oh’s abusive exW, and my best friend’s H abusive exW have all mused that they might have corona...

They don’t, they just can’t not be the centre of drama.

I must say, on the various occasions when I have taken the children to a medical professional and they have prescribed or recommended something, it's never once occurred to me that I should consult my DH before following their advice. Why on earth would you? I suspect if I'd asked DH for his opinion he'd think I'd taken leave of my senses.

I love the reply 'so are your ringing dc tonight?'

Wow, that painting is clearly some of the best money you've ever spent! It would be my new favourite possession if I were you.

Save the email so you have evidence for his sectioning when and NOT IF it comes!!!

Get a Tshirt printed up with the picture on for a Fathers Day gift for him.
Seeing as he loves it soooo much

I'd make sure to leave him the painting in my will.

@cantata

Mine said this too

I can see why he is a STBX those are the craziest most fucked things I've ever heard.
Is he mentally ill?

My goodness he knows how to bear a grudge

Who on Earth wants to be involved in someone else's period ffs? Long ago I had a tampon go rogue so DH had to retrieve it for me. It has never been spoken off since.

OP would you please consider 'taking one for the team' and encourage your ex to elaborate on his grievances? It's amusing me no end

This thread has really made me laugh, especially all the great suggestions of ways to confront him with the 'ugly' painting!

my second husband once wrote me a 5 page email in 12pt Times New Roman detailing all my faults in great detail.

one of his more important points was that due to me having 4 consecutive surgeries, each requiring a 6 week recovery period, his ‘intimate needs’ were not being met. he then helpfully pointed out that, were he to seek it out, he would not be short of ‘female company’.

what a champ.

the best part is that at the end of our marriage i was in hospital recovering from a serious attempt i’d made on my life. because i wasn’t checking emails on the psych ward, he helpfully printed the email out and brought it in for me to read and digest.

of course, it turned out that ‘female company’ had already been sought on more than one occasion but since it was my fault he didn’t have to feel guilty.

form an orderly queue, ladies...

We had 3 dc. He was never involved in their births.. Prefered to nap in a chair on the other side of the delivery room..
Even the mw sarcastically apologised if we were keeping him awake.
And he pulled the put some stitches in anyway gag...
Urgh I was young and stupid in my defense..

Windy with that as a DP, you wouldn't really need stitches

73sunglasses - should we consult our partners before putting DCs' pictures on the fridge, too?
And buying a birthday present for DC out of joint money rather than personal - not something worth arguing over surely?

I think putting it on the fridge is different as it's not a permanent change. In terms of the birthday present - I think that depends on finances. If you have plenty this is probably not such an issue but if things are tight this is a bigger deal. Not sure I'd 'argue' over it as such but it's also not a big deal to quickly discuss something like that. Would take all of 1 minute if it's something everyone agrees about quickly.

I'm surprised there are so many people who'd be happy for their OH to make a permanent change to the decor in the house without thinking about it together first and I guess that everyone rallying against this would be find for their partner to change anything they wanted int eh house too (within financial reason) but you live and learn.

Yeah my ex of over ten years still sends rambling lists of bullshit to try and deflect from his alcoholism.