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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to let my children play in the garden?

360 replies

SlightlyHassled · 10/04/2020 10:07

Our neighbours have complained about the noise caused by my two boys in our garden. They are age 10 and 7.

They were playing very happily (Top Trumps, as it happens) at the end of the garden furthest away from the house (and the neighbours' house) while I was indoors. I heard one of the neighbours shout, 'Oi!' but since I didn't hear anything else, I didn't think anything of it. A few minutes later, one of the neighbours yelled my name, then the other did. As I was indoors, and my boys were still playing happily, I just ignored it. A few minutes later one of them came round to say we were too loud and they were unhappy about it. He said I was reading aloud to the children and that he and his wife could hear every word. (I had been reading aloud to my children in the same part of the garden earlier in the afternoon but I wasn't doing so at the point when they complained. I don't think I was doing so any louder than the volume you'd use for a normal conversation.)

I don't think the problem is really me reading to the children. I think the problem is general noise. They have complained to us before on a number occasions about our noisy children. They are retired and don't have grandchildren, and there aren't a lot of other children living near us, so ours are the ones making all the noise that they hear. We also home educate and our boys are around and outdoors in the daytime more than the average children. We do lots of our structured lessons in the garden, and the neighbours have previously said they don't have a problem with us doing "quiet learning" out there. We don't have a TV and don't use electronic devices much, so our children do a lot of playing outdoors. It's been a long-standing problem, though the neighbours have complained about noise from indoors too. (We are two halves of a semi with only a thin wall between, and we have very echoey acoustics in our kitchen, and an open-plan layout downstairs.)

There isn't any goodwill on their part because they think we don't care and do nothing. The wife told us once she should be able to read a book in her garden at 6pm without hearing our children. They wrote to us once complaining about the noise, and complaining that we never told our children to be quiet. For the next 3 days, I did nothing different from normal but I made a note of every time I asked the boys to be quieter because of the neighbours. I did so 35-40 times a day (!), and that was pretty typical of what I was doing before they complained. We wrote back to the neighbours explaining that, but never had a response.

They don't wake up until 8.30am, and when they complained about noise from the garden before that, we stopped letting the boys out of doors until after 9am, and stopped eating breakfast in the garden. When the neighbours complained about noise from indoors, we spent £500 on sound insulation boards to go against our party wall. Unfortunately when we put the first one up, DS1 and I had an allergic reaction to something in it, and we had to take it off the wall and throw them away. We did tell the neighbours about that.

With garden noise, we always bring the children indoors as soon as they start fighting or stropping or screaming. I understand that people don't want to listen to bickering from over the fence (something else the neighbours have complained about in the past).
My children aren't especially quiet, but I don't think they're especially noisy either. My parents are always telling me how much quieter they are than my brother's 4 boys, for example.

If they're not behaving in an antisocial manner, I think it's fine for my children to be playing in their own garden and that I shouldn't be constantly on their case to play indoors, or to play with hushed voices. AIBU?

OP posts:
NotEverythingIsBlackandwhite · 10/04/2020 11:49

It sounds like they’ve got a point if you’re having to tell your kids to be quiet 35-40 times a day.
This.

Perhaps spend some time teaching them appropriate noise levels instead of randomly throwing out useless “be quiet” platitudes every now and then.
And this.

burnoutbabe · 10/04/2020 11:50

some playing outside is of course normal. I can hear kids outside doing badminton with some squeaks etc

a parent loudly reading a book to their kids every day would do my head in. Do that inside.

ScrimpshawTheSecond · 10/04/2020 11:51

we were too loud and they were unhappy about it. He said I was reading aloud to the children and that he and his wife could hear every word

I think maybe your neighbours need to move to a very, very isolated rural setting.

MotherofDinosaurs · 10/04/2020 11:52

I don't understand these people who thing they shouldn't have to hear anyone else around them. I'd be politely telling them they are unreasonable, and going about my completely ordinary business of living life with children at home without recourse to them and their fucking ludicrous demands. Let your children play and make a noise. You don't owe anything to your neighbours. Especially don't tiptoe around giving yourself a stressful time. Ignore them, live your life safe in the knowledge that there's nothing they can do to make you silent. Fucking bullies.

Toilenstripes · 10/04/2020 11:52

It sounds like you have very noisy children who don’t listen to you when you tell them to keep the noise down. I feel sorry for your neighbours

Morgan12 · 10/04/2020 11:52

My neighbours are adults and every single time its above 12 degrees they sit out playing dance music in their garden all day. And have a BBQ for lunch and dinner.

Its annoying as fuck. Because I can't sit in my garden.

I do feel sorry for your neighbours but at the end of the day you aren't actually doing anything wrong.

TiredofSM · 10/04/2020 11:53

You have to tell your kids to be quiet 35-40 times a day and that’s only when they are in the garden? Jesus. No wonder your neighbours are at the end of their tether. How are you not?!
If I have to tell my two more then a couple of times and they don’t stop then I bring them in.

Macncheeseballs · 10/04/2020 11:54

Playing music would annoy me more than anything else

Al1Langdownthecleghole · 10/04/2020 11:55

The neighbours are sounding intolerant. But, no way would I be telling my children to be quiet 35-40 times a day.

If they can’t manage it after the first 2-3 tines, they’d be indoors.

Rabblemum · 10/04/2020 11:58

Ignore them, they sound like bullies. The more you give into people like this the more they’ll ask of you. So long as no one’s screaming, fighting or playing loud music they have no reason to complain.

ViciousJackdaw · 10/04/2020 11:59

People complaining about children making noise are so weird - do they think because they're younger human beings they have a right to control what they do?

No. They think 'For God's sake, when will the screeching stop?'. Maybe people who allow their children to squeal and scream at the top of their voices all day every day are the weird ones - do they think because they have younger human beings that everybody else should just have to put up with it?

dottiedodah · 10/04/2020 12:02

They sound like normal boys to me .However if you home educate them and they are outside a lot ,it means the NDN cant enjoy their garden really .What about keeping them indoors in the mornings while you do reading /sums and so on ,and playing outside in the afternoons ? Do you take them to the park at all or to the forest ,this will probably help them as well to have a change of scene.

minisoksmakehardwork · 10/04/2020 12:03

It sounds like either your children are particularly loud or your neighbours are particular intolerant. If you are telling your kids to be quiet because the neighbours are being unreasonable, then stop telling them. Everyone has the right to enjoy their garden as they see fit.

If your children are screaming and shouting all day every day, then your neighbours have a point.

However, on the face of it, I think they are being less tolerant of families than would be expected and so reasonable compromise should be made - no round screaming and shouting like they would do in say, a park. Normal talking level is fine.

If it is that troubling to your neighbours suggest they report it to the council. Let them investigate whether the noise is unreasonable or not.

We live in an area surrounded by older residents, who have all had families and their grown children moved on to their own lives. So we are conscious that our gaggle can sometimes get a bit rowdy. I draw the line when they are screaming and shouting at each other, arguing rather than just normal playing. They aren't out too early or too late, but they have as much right to play in their garden as the neighbours have to sit in it.

LaurieMarlow · 10/04/2020 12:04

do they think because they have younger human beings that everybody else should just have to put up with it?

Children are part of society and norms of behaviour for them are different to adults.

Yes, people should absolutely be able to put up with children behaving normally in their own gardens.

SpokeTooSoon · 10/04/2020 12:05

The reading aloud would irritate me tbh.

Maybe knock that on the head. Children’s noise you can sort of overlook, to a point. An adult reading to them is very different.

SpokeTooSoon · 10/04/2020 12:06

Also, it sounds like you use your garden as an outdoor classroom. You must realise the impact this has on your neighbours.

I think you could compromise.

It’s not just children who enjoy being outdoors.

Inkpaperstars · 10/04/2020 12:06

It sounds like the children do spend much more time in the garden than is usual, especially with thr home schooling outside.

To be honest it sounds stressful being a neighbour who has to wait for you to take your kids out so you 'give them a break'. You've had complaints from more than one household.

It is your garden but let's say this retired couple move out and are replaced by young adults sunbathing topless, swearing, smoking or worse, playing music that drowns out your schooling? Would that be ok because it's their garden?

I am not saying that you are making too much noise, I obviously have no idea. But a bit surprised at the lack of consideration in a lot of the replies here.

It was really good of you to fund the soundproofing, what a shame it had to be removed.

Al1Langdownthecleghole · 10/04/2020 12:09

I’ve just read your update about you and your DH speaking quietly to each other, and quietly asking your boys to be quiet. It paints quite the picture.

LaurieMarlow · 10/04/2020 12:09

The reading aloud would irritate me tbh.

How’s it different from two adults talking? Would that also irritate you?

Tonyaster · 10/04/2020 12:11

I think I'd just ignore them OP.

Perhaps not out in the garden before 10 and in by 7? Then just ignore.

ViciousJackdaw · 10/04/2020 12:11

Yes, people should absolutely be able to put up with children behaving normally in their own gardens

Normal behaviour, absolutely. But screaming/shouting to the point where they need to be told to pipe down up to 40 times a day? No, that's not fair.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 10/04/2020 12:12

My neighbours daughter shouts Constantly when she is talking. When she is in my house i find myself frequently tell her to lower her voice / Use inside voice etc.

On a serious note Doodle - has she had her hearing check? If there is an impairment, she may not know how loud she is, because she won't be able to hear herself.

Tonyaster · 10/04/2020 12:13

Perhaps send them a link to some Bose noise cancelling headphones. Marvellous things.

minisoksmakehardwork · 10/04/2020 12:13

@Inkpaperstars - I think a lot of people might find gardens are busier than normal at the moment. I know there are usually complaints over summer holidays about kids on trampolines or screeching and shouting.

But I also see your point that using the garden as an outside classroom all day, every day will be grating on the neighbours. And agree that maybe even an hours quiet activity would give them a break from even low level but constant noise. To be fair, it doesn't have to be inside, but an activity done outside which doesn't require a constant stream of noise. Mine have happily sat out in the sun this week and done homework or painted their nails. Neither of which has resulted on lots of screaming and shouting but some pleasant time outside.

starrysimon · 10/04/2020 12:13

YANBU as long as they aren’t fighting and constantly screaming for hours on end! My neighbours like to leave theirs, around the same age as yours, unattended whilst they walk the dog. Presumably to also get away from their noise! It’s really irritating and they’ve already managed to snap a panel off our fence but I really feel for them enduring this lockdown and having to use a garden that their parents were really selfish with. Completely full of the parents furniture and luxuries. No toys or space to play ball. Poor thingsSad Makes sense as to why they’re always playing dangerously in the street when not in lockdown