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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to let my children play in the garden?

360 replies

SlightlyHassled · 10/04/2020 10:07

Our neighbours have complained about the noise caused by my two boys in our garden. They are age 10 and 7.

They were playing very happily (Top Trumps, as it happens) at the end of the garden furthest away from the house (and the neighbours' house) while I was indoors. I heard one of the neighbours shout, 'Oi!' but since I didn't hear anything else, I didn't think anything of it. A few minutes later, one of the neighbours yelled my name, then the other did. As I was indoors, and my boys were still playing happily, I just ignored it. A few minutes later one of them came round to say we were too loud and they were unhappy about it. He said I was reading aloud to the children and that he and his wife could hear every word. (I had been reading aloud to my children in the same part of the garden earlier in the afternoon but I wasn't doing so at the point when they complained. I don't think I was doing so any louder than the volume you'd use for a normal conversation.)

I don't think the problem is really me reading to the children. I think the problem is general noise. They have complained to us before on a number occasions about our noisy children. They are retired and don't have grandchildren, and there aren't a lot of other children living near us, so ours are the ones making all the noise that they hear. We also home educate and our boys are around and outdoors in the daytime more than the average children. We do lots of our structured lessons in the garden, and the neighbours have previously said they don't have a problem with us doing "quiet learning" out there. We don't have a TV and don't use electronic devices much, so our children do a lot of playing outdoors. It's been a long-standing problem, though the neighbours have complained about noise from indoors too. (We are two halves of a semi with only a thin wall between, and we have very echoey acoustics in our kitchen, and an open-plan layout downstairs.)

There isn't any goodwill on their part because they think we don't care and do nothing. The wife told us once she should be able to read a book in her garden at 6pm without hearing our children. They wrote to us once complaining about the noise, and complaining that we never told our children to be quiet. For the next 3 days, I did nothing different from normal but I made a note of every time I asked the boys to be quieter because of the neighbours. I did so 35-40 times a day (!), and that was pretty typical of what I was doing before they complained. We wrote back to the neighbours explaining that, but never had a response.

They don't wake up until 8.30am, and when they complained about noise from the garden before that, we stopped letting the boys out of doors until after 9am, and stopped eating breakfast in the garden. When the neighbours complained about noise from indoors, we spent £500 on sound insulation boards to go against our party wall. Unfortunately when we put the first one up, DS1 and I had an allergic reaction to something in it, and we had to take it off the wall and throw them away. We did tell the neighbours about that.

With garden noise, we always bring the children indoors as soon as they start fighting or stropping or screaming. I understand that people don't want to listen to bickering from over the fence (something else the neighbours have complained about in the past).
My children aren't especially quiet, but I don't think they're especially noisy either. My parents are always telling me how much quieter they are than my brother's 4 boys, for example.

If they're not behaving in an antisocial manner, I think it's fine for my children to be playing in their own garden and that I shouldn't be constantly on their case to play indoors, or to play with hushed voices. AIBU?

OP posts:
Abraid2 · 10/04/2020 10:41

I think you could bring them in for a few hours a day so that your neighbours can have some quiet enjoyment of their garden. especially while the weather is good (if it is where you live).

Mary1935 · 10/04/2020 10:42

Ignore now you have done enough to placate them.
Ignore ignore ignore.
I love malbecfan idea.😇😇

Mummyoflittledragon · 10/04/2020 10:42

You were unreasonable to let your boys out to make noise before 9. I see you’ve rectified that. As long as they’re not screaming and shouting, just general kids voices, your neighbours are being unreasonable.

As for reading in the garden without hearing your dcs at 6pm. Lol. Very unreasonable. They clearly don’t like that younger people have moved in with young kids. But that’s tough luck on them!

PeacockPies · 10/04/2020 10:43

Well, you've tried a lot of ways to keep them happy and they aren't happy so I'd stop trying to make so many changes and just live your life how you'd want to if they weren't complaining. You've tried compromise and it's got you nowhere.

I would continue telling your children not to bicker or shout their heads off as that's what you would be doing anyway but apart from that I'd try and forget about it.

If you live in a semi in the suburbs you are going to hear other people using their gardens.

Celeriacacaca · 10/04/2020 10:44

Your neighbours don't own the world and it sounds as if you are living normally and being considerate. Don't engage with them and, if they persist, invite your local PCSO to have a word with them to explain that you aren't being anti-social and that they are harassing you.

It seems older people sometimes hyper-focus on issues like this. A friend has recently had similar with her elderly neighbours - the husband would bring her kids' football which had gone over the fence to the front door and put a knife in it, in front of the kids. DF got the police involved I.e. to chat to the neighbours and it soon stopped. It was really impacting her life and she felt uncomfortable in her own home. You don't need to suffer this.

Queenoftheashes · 10/04/2020 10:47

Surely people don’t complain about reading allowed, ie people talking???

Tell them to get over themselves.

Whatsnewpussyhat · 10/04/2020 10:47

How loud are you reading if they can here you so clearly from the other end of the garden?

I can see both sides. It's normal for kids to make noise but, pre lockdown, most kids would be at school during the day so they would have a few hours of peace or they could go out to escape it. As yours are home schooled and spend so much time in the garden the noise must seem constant.

Livelovebehappy · 10/04/2020 10:48

Ignore future complaints as you have tried making the situation better for them so they are using this as an excuse to continue with their complaints. You will do something to sort out a situation then they come back with something else. If you stop engaging with them and being so compliant, they will retreat. Obviously as long as they’re not screaming and shouting constantly then they’re just being children. We had that when our DCs were younger - lived in a bungalow but a lot of older residents. Our immediate neighbour complained every time the DCs were out playing. I tried to keep them quieter but the final straw was when they complained that I was spending too long one afternoon mowing my lawn, we had a row, and they put their house up for sale and moved. You’re not always going to reach a compromise with these sort of people.

Sipperskipper · 10/04/2020 10:49

They sound like a pair of miserable arseholes. You sound like you are really considerate.

If they don’t want to hear other people, they should move somewhere with no neighbours.

I would be tempted to really irritate them by starting to play music loudly etc. Now that is an annoying neighbour.

LaurieMarlow · 10/04/2020 10:49

Your neighbours sound like total dicks OP. Ignore them. They aren't kinds of the world and there is nothing unreasonable about reading or playing top trumps in your own garden, during reasonable hours. Particularly at the moment.

Cam2020 · 10/04/2020 10:50

What a misery! I appreciate children's noise is probably annoying at times but we're all stuck home and there's nothing we can do about that. Children need fresh air and to be entertained and as long as it's not running around screaming at unreasonable hours, you neighbour will have to lump it. We're all having to put up with things at the moment.

doodleygirl · 10/04/2020 10:51

I think YABU. You say you homeschool, which means as far as your neighbours are concerned they never have any respite when most kids are in school. You will also be accustomed to the noise they make and what might see normal decibel levels to you might be loud to your neighbours.

Compromise is surely the answer, could you discuss ways of achieving what you both want.

If your children are loud enough you have to keep telling them to be quiet you should bring them in.

I don’t understand the attitude that families with children always trump the needs of families without children. We should all be allowed to have some peaceful times in our garden.

funinthesun19 · 10/04/2020 10:53

It’s hilarious how 14% on here actually think it’s unreasonable to let your kids play in the garden Grin

And yes kids do make noise when they play outside.

Op, your neighbours can always go inside and shut all doors and windows? Suggest that to them.

LaurieMarlow · 10/04/2020 10:54

I don’t understand the attitude that families with children always trump the needs of families without children

I don’t understand the view that people have a right to silence when they’re in their gardens. If you want that, go live in the middle of nowhere.

Children playing in their own gardens is a regular part of life.

MayFayner · 10/04/2020 10:56

I'd tell them to get fucked in so many words and continue as normal.

This ^

They will never be happy- you could make yourself miserable trying to appease them and this will just make them think they’re entitled to dictate to you. If they feel they should be able to read a book at 6pm and hear silence then they need to move somewhere more remote.

Poppyfr33 · 10/04/2020 10:56

We love to hear children out playing but it is when they start screaming, sometimes with excitement that it is painful, the pitch actually hurts my DPs ears.

JudgeRindersMinder · 10/04/2020 10:58

There has to be give and take on both sides. The neighbours need to accept they cannot live in a silent world, and your boys need to be a bit considerate with the noise. If you’re telling them to quieten 35/40 times a day, do they pay any attention to you? Do they face any consequences?

It’s all very well saying your boys are ENTITLED to play in the garden, but they don’t override the neighbours’ entitlement to some peace

funinthesun19 · 10/04/2020 10:58

I don’t understand the attitude that families with children always trump the needs of families without children

If you want complete silence then pick a house without neighbours. If you can’t afford that then really it’s tough and you’re going to hear things when you go in the garden. Confused

category12 · 10/04/2020 10:59

I think as long as you don't let the kids out too early (when you were letting them out to play before 9am, I think that was a bit out of order) then you're not doing anything wrong. Perhaps have a regular "quiet time" so the neighbours could get an hour in the garden to read in peace if you were feeling kind.

LaurieMarlow · 10/04/2020 10:59

It’s all very well saying your boys are ENTITLED to play in the garden, but they don’t override the neighbours’ entitlement to some peace

Well it is their garden. Of course they're entitled to use it.

The neighbours do not, on the other hand, have a right to absolute silence while out in their own garden.

5zeds · 10/04/2020 11:00

Ignore them.

chickedeee · 10/04/2020 11:01

My retired neighbours are sitting out all day semi- naked sunning themselves.

Personally I don't want to see them but it is their garden.

I think this 'crisis' has really discriminated against kids imo Sad

copycopypaste · 10/04/2020 11:02

Just continue as normal. As long as it's not unsociable hours then your neighbours are being unreasonable.

sadwithkiddies · 10/04/2020 11:02

While I appreciate it is your right to allow your children to be in your garden whenever they want, it must be very tiresome for your neighbours if they can hear so much.
My kids love the garden but I try to allow my neighbours quiet times especially around meal times so they can use their garden in peace if they wish.
Before 9am and after 6pm are no-gos for us too.
Reading stories - do it inside!
And saying be quiet 30 times a day....just bring them in for half an hour! That would drive me mad as their parent never mind the neighbours- either be quieter kids or come in now...
Teach your kids to consider other people. It's a more valuable lesson than entitlement.

maddiemookins16mum · 10/04/2020 11:02

Hmmm, I often read these posts and think ‘I bet your kids are actually far, far noisier and annoying than you’ll ever realise or admit’.

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