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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Low blow from nurse?

294 replies

Justabitworried · 10/04/2020 09:34

There's an article in the paper about a mental health nurse who had a note left on her windscreen from a neighbour calling her selfish for leaving the house everyday. Obviously the neighbour was out of order. But her response has riled me:

"I go to work every day supporting our country and have done for many years, while you are clearly spending your days watching me, probably claiming that your employed as a ‘full time mummy’."

AIBU? I'm a SAHM at the moment who used to work for the NHS. I don't think I was a better person when I was in work 'supporting our country'.

OP posts:
Lumierecandle · 10/04/2020 13:17

The term ‘full time mummy’ is used on Facebook by stay at home mums to claim some kind of moral superiority over those mothers that work.

Honeybee85 · 10/04/2020 13:21

Yes it was a low blow and it shows that she sees herself as better then a woman who looks after her DC full-time. I wonder if she has the same attitude at work towards patients or coworkers that she perceives as below her.

I do understand that it's a stressful time for her and she wasn't too happy about that unreasonable note. She could have handled it with a more class though.

cactus2020 · 10/04/2020 13:22

I'm with the nurse. And without wishing to reopen that can of worms, a lot of working mothers simply don't buy that SAHMs 'work full-time' in the same way. That's a given you probably just need to suck up. Mental health nursing is enormously responsible and stressful, with a high level of professional vulnerability for blame when things go wrong, so I'd give her a break.

RickOShay · 10/04/2020 13:25

I’m a sahm
I’m so completely on the nurse’s side, of course I am.

AmelieTaylor · 10/04/2020 13:29

Frankly anyone working in any kind of care needs a bloody medal at the best of times, right now I think they're all incredible- even any that don't have the most fabulous personality.

If I'd been her the nite wouldn't have been printable

You're taking it personally - don't. You're doing what's best for your family right now, this situation might make you rethink your choice or it might strengthen it. Just worry about what's best for you and yours,someone will disapprove no matter what you do 🤷🏻‍♀️

megletthesecond · 10/04/2020 13:31

I'm sure she knows who wrote it.
My neighbour is nuts and left a shitty, anonymous note on my car a couple of years ago. Pity it's the same distinctive bubble writing as her mobile number she wrote down when we moved in, and I still have stuffed in my address book.

Mammatino · 10/04/2020 13:37

I’m with the nurse. Currently SAHM, used to be full time working mum. No way I work as hard now as I did then and I’m retraining to be an accountant. What kind of up their own arse, twat leaves a note like that on anyone’s car without the full facts. What the hell is this going to do with neighbour relations when this is all over and we have been calling the police on our neighbours for washing their car in the street, leaving their houses, drinking wine. Flaming Nora!

testing987654321 · 10/04/2020 13:39

OP please stop reading shit rags like the Sun and the Mail.

This is probably the best idea. It would be great if everyone could calm down a bit. It's fine to be a sahm and it's fine to work.

cheeseandpineapple · 10/04/2020 13:39

I took the nurse’s comment to be aimed at the person she might have suspected and is a reference to the curtain twitching rather than sahm’s in general.

ie if someone is watching her everyday they’re not doing the so called “job” they might claim to be doing. I didn’t see it as an attack on stay at home parents but an attack on curtain twitchers.

But can’t rule out there might have been a bit of a general dig intended if she was irritated by the note and is under some stress.

Goldenbear · 10/04/2020 13:41

Hannah021, you have epically missed the point!

The generation of children that you are 'single handedly' paying for via your taxes are the future generation of tax payers. If we don't have any more children what exactly do you think the impact of that will be on an aging population? You may have a massive pension but what good is that if there isn't an economically active generation?

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 10/04/2020 13:44

Goldenbear, not necessarily. Some will become tax payers, many won’t though. Many will copy their role models and not work or do a token few hours to claim max benefits.

MintyMabel · 10/04/2020 13:47

Yes, she's chosen a worthwhile profession but sounds like she is too far up herself now.

Agreed. There's a lot of it about at the moment.

Leobynature · 10/04/2020 13:56

You are taking this random article so personally you are obviously not comfortable with your decision to be a full time mom. Your overselling it ‘ homeschooling three kids under eight, one with ASD’. You need to reflect on why you are so upset by this woman’s response

Goldenbear · 10/04/2020 13:59

I don't know the statistics on this but are you seriously suggesting that 'many' children with a SAHP in receipt of child benefit, a benefit that is capped at £50,000 will not be future tax payers?

Goldenbear · 10/04/2020 14:02

'overselling it'? Sounds quite hard work to me.

PrincessConsueIaBananaHammock · 10/04/2020 14:03

If bored,curtain twitcher and pitchforked dickheads take it upon themselves to harass and report random people then they can't complain when those people react.

If you see it as a personal attack then that is your problem.

Higher moral ground my arse.

FaFoutis · 10/04/2020 14:07

Pitchforked dickheads works both ways it seems.

recycledbottle · 10/04/2020 14:08

She knows who wrote the note. This is a dig at her. Zero to do with you.

LoveLongLife · 10/04/2020 14:10

I'd have said:

I'm a psychiatric nurse out serving the community. Sounds like you might need some help too? I'd suggest you get to the GP and have someone like me come out to assist you in your greatest hour of need.

BlueStocking007 · 10/04/2020 14:11

I read the "same" complaint via social media, but this was a male nurse. The neighbour had complained you don't wear a uniform, so you can't be an essential keyworker. The reply was identical.
This might be slightly crazy suggestion, but do you think it just might be possible that the rag has changed some words to become more sensationalised and evoke a bigger response to sell?
I know...unlikely right?

EnthusiasmIsDisturbed · 10/04/2020 14:13

Yes, she's chosen a worthwhile profession but sounds like she is too far up herself now

What does that even mean ?

Do you know what sort of work they may do or more so what they are actually doing now ?

amijustparanoidorjuststoned · 10/04/2020 14:13

I'm petty AF so I would have written exactly the same thing, if not with more of a sting!

RubyRoseRuby · 10/04/2020 14:17

I agree with you it really felt judgemental when I read it this morning but i think we can all understand the stress nhs workers are under.

cinammonbuns · 10/04/2020 14:20

@PrincessConsueIaBananaHammock agreed. The curtain twitcher deserve an even more scathing reply. I don’t know why OP had to take it so personally especially if she doesn’t refer to herself as a ‘full time mummy’

The nurse didn’t write SAHM. She wrote ‘full time mummy’.

JustAnotherPoster00 · 10/04/2020 14:20

Some will become tax payers, many won’t though. Many will copy their role models and not work or do a token few hours to claim max benefits.

Always brought out, never true unless you can provide some sort of citations, the governments own research shows that 'generational' benefit claimants is a myth, normally touted by the hard of thinking and right wing idiots in my observation, which are you pp?