Low blow from nurse?

[Justabitworried]

There's an article in the paper about a mental health nurse who had a note left on her windscreen from a neighbour calling her selfish for leaving the house everyday. Obviously the neighbour was out of order. But her response has riled me:

"I go to work every day supporting our country and have done for many years, while you are clearly spending your days watching me, probably claiming that your employed as a ‘full time mummy’."

AIBU? I'm a SAHM at the moment who used to work for the NHS. I don't think I was a better person when I was in work 'supporting our country'.

Unless you wrote the nasty note why get so offended? Someone was a bitch and someone was bitchy back. Worse things happen at sea.

@Hannah021 We don't claim anything other than child benefit. I don't know any SAHMs on benefits.

@Shitsgettingcrazy We're not classed as unemployed. We're classed as house persons, or economically inactive.

You clearly have more sense than the nurse Neron.
It's very stupid to put your own prejudices out in public while trying to claim the moral high ground.

@EverdeRose I am also currently pregnant and I already have children. I am speaking from my experience of being a sahm and a full-time worker.
If you're so offended by what I've said, then I suggest that you are looking to take offence.
Again, my point is that both choices are valid.
I was teacher for many years. I was responsible for the children in my care when they were at school. Obviously if there was a serious incident then parents would come. That was very rare. Obviously if your small child is very sick you come and get them. But, day to day, parents at work don't have the practical caring responsibility for a period of time. Does this mean they don't think of their children or worry? Of course not.
I am not going to engage in this thread any further. I was trying to say that I see both sides of the argument. I've defended sahms and those who go to work.

I dont know why this has upset you so much op,the nurse was only answering the note that was left publicly on her car.

Did you write the note OP? Thought you might get some support off a site called Mumsnet to agree with your note writing and outrage?

@EveryDayIsADuvetDay my OP clearly states the note is unreasonable. My husband works for the NHS. I'm at home looking after ours kids allowing him to do that. Can I ask him for help?

@JustAnotherPoster00 obviously not else I wouldn't have started my post with obviously neighbour was out of order.

@Shitsgettingcrazy Not bothered at all, just exploring ideas. I suppose because when I was a SAHM I didn’t feel like I didn’t have a job - and to me ‘being employed’ and ‘having a job’ means the same thing. But I do think you are incorrect about your definition of ‘unemployed’ - I mean if you want to be pedantic about prefixes then yes it means that - but in day to day language generally that is seen as ‘job seeking’. You don’t call someone who is a carer, or a SAHM, or retired or unable to work because of illness among other people who aren’t earning their own money and are yet supported and not needing to find work ‘unemployed.’

We're not classed as unemployed. We're classed as house persons, or economically inactive.

So not employed. You dont have an employer and do not seek work for yourself that pays, so not self employed.

Not sure why so many sahp get annoyed when you point out it's not an employed position.

It doesnt mean it's worthless or easy. But its isnt employment.

I think that if your going to leave such judgmental nasty note on someones car you should expect it back with lashing more. The reply isnt directed at you op but specifically the arse who left the note n her car and was justified. Good on her.

For you op stop taking her note to thus person as a personal insult to you. You don't know the full story the article will only reflect a small part of the bigger picture.

@MaggieAndHopey
Why are you wasting your lives debating the rights and wrongs of a snarky interchange between two people you'll never meet?

Not left the house for 3 weeks. Why are you on Mumsnet?

Not all nurses are nice. Mumsnet seems to think they are all saints though.

You don’t call someone who is a carer, or a SAHM, or retired or unable to work because of illness among other people who aren’t earning their own money and are yet supported and not needing to find work ‘unemployed.’

It depends on the context of conversation. My mum is retired. She isnt employed. She isnt self employed. She is not employed at all.

Again, that doesnt mean what you do isnt yard work. I was a teen carer. That doesnt mean I was employed from age 12.

@Justabitworried yes thats tax money... If the whole country sits on its arse there wont be child benefit for you to claim. You should honestly feel the shame to take that position when u know if we all do nothing, u'll get nothing. You owe to be grateful, and very grateful indeed. And if you think "its only child benefit" as if its worth nothing, then dont claim it and get out and sponsor them.

And let me correct you, you're not classified as "economically inactive" but rather "economally a burden" cuz someone else goes out everyday to pay you child benefit

I've never said anything about SAHMs, they're a different breed entirely to the 'fulltimemummy' brigade.

Do you also only consider yourself a home-owner or renter if you're inside the house.
Or a daughter if you're with your parents.

I know some amazing teachers but I doubt any of them would consider themself mother to 30 weekdays 9-3.

I don't think what her actual role is matters at all. She is quite legitimately going out to work as a keyworker and some holier-than-thou, nosy bastard has taken it upon themselves to criticise her for it. I think her response was very restrained.

It's not about you - she didn't say "I'm doing something useful and am not a lazy arse like SAHMs." or anything like that. You've already said you wouldn't have time to snoop on your neighbours, but the person who wrote the note obviously does.

Why are you wasting your lives debating the rights and wrongs of a snarky interchange between two people you'll never meet?

Because I have 36 essays to mark.

@Shitsgettingcrazy I'm not claiming to be employed... Just on legal documents, insurance etc I'm not defined as unemployed I'm defined as a house person. The government doesn't include me in their unemployment statistics and I don't claim benefits.

Hannah in real life was that in bubble writing?

My original statement was 'it's not employment'.

It's not. It's still a perfectly valid choice.

a burden on society living on my tax money

Unless you are a massive net contributor, I doubt many sahp are living off your tax money. Most sahp are financially supported by their partners in exchange for saving their family unit the childcare costs and having a less stressful family life than if the unit was balancing two ft jobs. Also the sahp isn't using a childcare place they don't need, freeing it up for people who do need it.

As a sahp I am not claiming benefits but as a net contributor my dh may well be topping up a lower paid worker's wage via tax credits. It's not as simple as saying sah = benefitting from tax payers and woh = paying for sahp. It's all mixed up and people contribute in various ways to society.

This nasty judgement of other people just doing their best for their own families and circumstances really needs to stop. It just makes people feel stressed and unhappy.

Agree op.
The note should not have beeb written at all. I'm sick of the covid stasi, it's almost worse than the virus.

However, take that spiteful full time mummy phrase... Quite frankly yes, of course every parent is a full time parent but... Spending all your child's early life with them is very different to working and not spending every minuet of every day with them! Of course it is!

So no, I don't like the spiteful sound of the phrase at all, but in this context... I certainly wouldn't blame the nurse for anything, the note should not have been written. Dreadful.

@Hannah021 that’s so out of order!

You can tell a fair bit about someone from their handwriting.

Mrs Poison Pen should go back to zoflora-big her house and watching ITVBe!

You don't have to be a handwriting expert to see that the anonymous note was written by a female, youngish up to early middle age, the demographic for being a mum. Probably called Imojen with a J.

So I agree the nurse knew who it was.