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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend saying her (huge) bum is small

338 replies

h3av3n · 09/04/2020 19:13

AIBU to be getting irritated with this and be baffled? She is always saying this to me even though it's HUGE and mine is definitely smaller as she can see... and people always tell her it's big so surely she knows? But she will talk about how it's not big and she needs to start growing it etc (weight training) even though she literally gets comments on it on a regular basis. On one hand maybe she literally can't see how big it is, a lot of women are very critical of their bodies... but to actually say it's small and not big even though she's constantly getting comments on it?!
By the way this isn't a jealousy issue, it just baffles me why she is always saying this to me even though people always say it's big... also the fact mine is definitely smaller but she calls hers small and not big directly to me

OP posts:
ILikeyourHairyHands · 09/04/2020 20:10

Is it though or is it just an Instagram thing, Amazonia and the Supers, strong, tall, in proportion women were about in the late 80's, heroin chic was all the rage when I was in my early 20's, followed my all the 'Hello Boys' wonderbra thing in the mid-90s. I think things settled down for a bit after that, 'girl next door' seemed to be the preferred aesthetic towards the millennium, I'm not sure what happened after that, massive shelf-arses seem to be 'a thing' now, but I don't see too many catwalk models or Hollywood actresses embracing it, more a Kim Kardashian and second rate reality star thing isn't it?

HandfulOfFlowers · 09/04/2020 20:10

She's welcome to a bit of mine 😂

sylbunny · 09/04/2020 20:11

My arse is massive to be fair. Is that a humble brag now because it is attached to the rest of me which is also pretty damn chunky

SarahInAccounts · 09/04/2020 20:12

This is such a weird thread.

I don't know a single woman who craves a fat backside or a single man who likes big bums.

BrooHaHa · 09/04/2020 20:13

Love Actually was released in 2003 and it seemed to be a bad thing in that.
'Err, would we call her chubby?'
'I think there's a pretty sizeable arse there, yes, sir. Enormous thighs'

gamerchick · 09/04/2020 20:13

Big bums have been considered attractive for quite a few years now, I didn't realise I should have mentioned that in the OP because I thought it was completely mainstream with different ages now for some reason so sorry for the confusion

I think for a while now I'm actually grateful I'm the age I am where this shit doesn't matter.

LadyRochfordsHoickedGusset · 09/04/2020 20:15

Yes you're right HairyHands, it's nowhere to be seen on the catwalk at Victoria's Secret for e.g.

Tink2007 · 09/04/2020 20:17

Lockdown delirium seems to be setting in....

MayFayner · 09/04/2020 20:20

Love Actually was released in 2003 and it seemed to be a bad thing in that

But it was really a good thing because he fancied her and her big arse, didn’t he?

OP I know what you are talking about. This is standard queen bee stuff. You are being put in your place. Your friend is a frenemy. Beware. And get some decent friends.

DrivingMsCrazy · 09/04/2020 20:21

@HoffiCoffi13 Hang on... so having a big bum is a good thing and a small one is a bad thing? Since when?
Mind blown!

Since the Kardashians I think.

HoffiCoffi13 · 09/04/2020 20:22

Since the Kardashians I think

That’ll be why I know nothing about it then Grin

Sparklesocks · 09/04/2020 20:22

@BrooHaHa well that was 17 years ago Grin

squirrelsbizaar · 09/04/2020 20:25

I grew up in the 80’s with page 3 girls. It was their large breasts they were admired for, don’t remember a separate page for bums, big bums where hidden with clever clothing techniques
Also, if you look at who was popular 80/90’s Pamela Stevenson, Jordan narrow boyish hips and waist big boobs. Big bums is a new thing.
It’s all a load of nonsense anyway, everyone likes different stuff. imagine having randoms ‘complimenting’ you on the size of your arse. Blimey!

Sparklesocks · 09/04/2020 20:26

There’s definitely been a recent trend in young women getting bum fillers/Brazilian bum lifts and focusing on squats etc in the gym. Usually a tiny waist but larger bum/muscular thighs, but not really sustainable for most. And the surgery/fillers look can look a bit disproportionate on very petite women.

EddyF · 09/04/2020 20:27

OP, the demographics is different here; they won't understand. Big bums have forever been EXTREMELY desirable in the Black communities GLOBALLY. The fashion of having a big bum has now reached the western world esp for young people. Kim K did not put big bums at the forefront, but rather, took a desirable trait from Black women to fit into the Black culture of desirability esp with Black men, Black Fashion and Black blogs.

The worst insult you can bestow on a Black woman is that she has a small bum.

BAME women have died often by getting operations to make their bums bigger. Bums are desired from the US, Africa, Caribbean to Latin America. It's a HUGE trend within the communities of the African Disapora. This can be seen all over social media depending on blogs you follow. The trend of having big bums and big thighs etc is now being seen amongst other groups.

GrumpyHoonMain · 09/04/2020 20:30

Curvy bums / wide hips have always been seen as attractive for a lot of non-white people. So I resent all these comments about it being a fad. Or that women who have these are considered thick or stupid. The skeletal look Kate Moss brought into fashion when I was a child probably did a whole lot more harm.

TheClitterati · 09/04/2020 20:31

I don't know a single woman who craves a fat backside or a single man who likes big bums.

Seriously? I've always been astounded at the incongruity with women wanting small bums and men really liking big bums.

BrooHaHa · 09/04/2020 20:35

But it was really a good thing because he fancied her and her big arse, didn’t he?

I thought he didn't think she had a big arse (and she didn't, really).

It was a long time ago, but someone upthread was saying that big bums were the thing from the 90s and I'm not sure they were universally.

Then again, there's Sir Mixalot's 'Baby got Back'. In praise of the large rear. 'I like big butts and I cannot lie...'.

IDefinitelyHaveFriends · 09/04/2020 20:40

The Love Actually dialogue was written by an “uncool” man in his late forties for an “uncool” character in his mid forties. It did not reflect the cutting edge style trends of the time. Do none of the “since when have big bums been attractive?” posters remember Kim Kardashian breaking the Internet?

BrooHaHa · 09/04/2020 20:47

Oh, I know that they're a thing. The effort you've got to put into them though! My understanding is that the saggy squidgy backside is not considered attractive- as PP mentioned upthread it's got to be toned and spherical.

Iooselipssinkships · 09/04/2020 20:47

Could someone go back to the 90's and tell my fellow high school students that big bums are now desirable so my nickname 'fat arse' is now actually a compliment?

Flythedragons · 09/04/2020 20:48

I’m confused! Is my large arse suddenly in fashion Smile! Mi d blown! I e spent three decades trying to shrink it!

happinessischocolate · 09/04/2020 20:48

A friend of mine does this, we say she's got the opposite of anorexia, she looks in the mirror and sees someone 3 sizes smaller than what she is.

She's probably a 16 top 14 bottom and is always giving us advice on how to lose weight and get as slim as her. I'm size 10 top and bottom and her best mate is slimmer than me.

We just nod and agree and ask if she wants another glass of wine 😁

PicturesOfCats · 09/04/2020 21:00

Like I said, it was considered very sexy in the 90s when I was at school, and I’m sure for a loooong time before that (and ever since tbh, I don’t think it’s ever not been considered sexy in certain places)

I did say sexy and not fashionable though. Whether the catwalks were showing it then made no bearing on how desirable it was

I grew up in a very multicultural area though, so I think the pop’s who have mentioned that are bang on, but it seemed universally by all the boys, white boys included.

Maybe it just wasn’t ‘fashionable’ in the suburbs

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