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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend saying her (huge) bum is small

338 replies

h3av3n · 09/04/2020 19:13

AIBU to be getting irritated with this and be baffled? She is always saying this to me even though it's HUGE and mine is definitely smaller as she can see... and people always tell her it's big so surely she knows? But she will talk about how it's not big and she needs to start growing it etc (weight training) even though she literally gets comments on it on a regular basis. On one hand maybe she literally can't see how big it is, a lot of women are very critical of their bodies... but to actually say it's small and not big even though she's constantly getting comments on it?!
By the way this isn't a jealousy issue, it just baffles me why she is always saying this to me even though people always say it's big... also the fact mine is definitely smaller but she calls hers small and not big directly to me

OP posts:
squishedgrapes · 11/04/2020 22:26

I mean at first I thought it was amusing, but I feel a bit disturbed now

squishedgrapes · 11/04/2020 22:28

Not least because young women now apparently feel themselves reduced to just an arse,

Mittens030869 · 11/04/2020 22:36

@squishedgrapes

I agree with you, especially as a mum to 2 adopted DDs of 11 and 8! They both already struggle with their body image.

Macncheeseballs · 11/04/2020 22:51

I don't think could do it cos my arse ain't all that big. Or could any arse do it

Aus84 · 11/04/2020 22:55

Anyone else here in the 20's want to verify anything the OP has stated? How much porn you watch? Can you clap?

MrsApplepants · 11/04/2020 22:59

I can’t think of anything more irrelevant right now than the size of someone’s arse. Get a life OP.

Original poster
h3av3n · 11/04/2020 23:01

The thread isn't about the size, it clearly says 'aibu to be irritated by this'... I am not the one who brings the topic up

OP posts:
Original poster
h3av3n · 11/04/2020 23:06

So literally 91% of people in the poll wouldn't be irritated or baffled by someone talking about this on a regular basis and saying these things (or the equivalant eg a thin person saying she's soo fat to a larger person, an F cup person saying she's soo flat chested to a B cup etc) even if it kept coming up? I thought I was a tolerant person but wow

OP posts:
EveryLifeHasASoundtrack · 11/04/2020 23:10

I wouldn’t be friends with someone who was so self obsessed as it would completely do my head in.

Otherrooms · 11/04/2020 23:43

My God. Is this still going on?

So literally 91% of people in the poll wouldn't be irritated or baffled by someone talking about this on a regular basis and saying these things

Maybe 91% of people think that this is an irrelevant thing to worry about?

Everydayishistorytomorrow · 12/04/2020 00:22

Some people have 'body dysmorphia' and some cultures would consider even large UK behind small. The real question here is 'why it bothers you'?

Original poster
h3av3n · 12/04/2020 00:26

The reason it irritates/confuses me is because I wouldn't do this type of thing because you don't know if the other person will feel bad and because of how often it is, I don't let it make me feel bad but when she started I did, it's beyond me that someone wouldn't consider that and because of the fact she's always being told it's big.

OP posts:
Durgasarrow · 12/04/2020 02:41

I love this. What could be more cheering to read about from my covid bunker?

redbigbananafeet · 12/04/2020 02:56

Why would you ever care how big anyone views your bum? Even in comparison to theirs? Why on earth does it matter?

PotholeParadise · 12/04/2020 03:20

OP, this is your friend. You are the only one in any place to decide whether she has poor body image issues, and genuinely doubts that she has reached her BigButt goal, or if she is fishing for compliments.

If it is the latter, people fishing for compliments are very easy to deal with, whether they want you to compliment them on their pumped arse, slim waist, pert bosom, or their bulky biceps. Agree with them, commiserate with them and give them helpful advice that is deliberately also useless. They stop doing it.

For example, "Aldi were selling bum workout DVDs in January. Maybe you could get hold of one of those?" or "have you tried doing squats?"

StinkyWizzleteets · 12/04/2020 03:40

ah OP, how I wish for simpler times when my biggest irritation was whether my friends big small bum was really actually a big big bum. Instead I and millions of others are locked down trying to protect ourselves from a deathly virus. My biggest irritation is that the government have done too little too late... but thank you for the light entertainment value in your quite irrational irritation at your friends arse, whatever size it is...

LunaLula83 · 12/04/2020 07:17

Dont be mean

Umnoway · 12/04/2020 07:19

Big bums are in fashion nowadays anyway aren’t they, women are literally paying to have a sizeable arse so it’s probably a compliment to tell someone their bum is large.

ThighThighofthigh · 12/04/2020 07:57

I have a friend who constantly moans about money despise having a lot and a fully paid up house and a good job. I don't have much and very little security. I found it puzzling that she chose me, who has much less than her but never moans, to air her fears to.

I realised it's because she has no awareness of any situation but her own. Once she said - my savings have dipped below £75k. I said - I have £75.

She still does it. You have to decide whether you can overlook this level of self absorption and let the bum talk become white noise.

Useful phrases are:

Gosh
Hmm
Uh huh
I see

Macncheeseballs · 12/04/2020 08:19

To all the pps saying this thread is petty and irrelevant, especially in these unprecedented times,
surely Mumsnet was built upon trivial concerns. Does everything have to be so serious

Mittens030869 · 12/04/2020 09:36

Maybe 91% of people think that this is an irrelevant thing to worry about?

^This. It just feels like being back in secondary school or in my early jobs as a care assistant in residential/nursing homes.

DanglyTasselsOfThigh · 12/04/2020 11:35

Excuse me, can anyone direct me to the arse clapping lessons?

Is it at the village hall?

Asking for a thriend, Fanks.

Original poster
h3av3n · 12/04/2020 12:59

I'm not sure how people are misinterpreting the thread to be about the size of someones bum

OP posts:
Original poster
h3av3n · 12/04/2020 13:09

And yeah there are more important things than if your friend irritates you with something she says but it still is relevant to my daily life when I'm hearing this so often and see this woman 5 days per week. Lately I've gained a few pounds, I'd rather lose it but as someone who is on the smaller side I would never go on about it to a woman larger than me because I have no way of knowing how it will make her feel about her body image... I just kind of thought it was common courtesy among women but obviously 91% of people here think it's alright to do those types of things. I get it, people can talk about what they want and I guess I am being unreasonable to be irritated by it but to be baffled by it? I'm not sure, I don't really believe that 91% of you would be just fine with say, a toned size 6 going on and on on a regular basis about how fat she is and needs to lose weight directly to you if you're someone larger who may want to lose weight etc

OP posts:
Bluesheep8 · 12/04/2020 13:33

Vicky Pollard was the voice in my head when I read the op Grin