Am I in the wrong here regarding slapping?

[Turniptracker]

Prepared to be told I am.
I was getting ready today and my partner doesn't have work today so is lying in bed. I have been enjoying just wearing comfy leggings while home (unsure if this is remotely relevant). As I am talking to him he takes it upon himself to smack me on the ass. I know some people like this, but I actually really hate it, I've never found it sexy or appealing and it stung. So I turned round and slapped him on the arm. He looked so taken aback. And I said why should you be able to just hit me with no reaction?
He is now in an absolute upset strop. I'm so sick of slapping on the ass being seen as absolutely acceptable hitting but anything else is despicable.

Where did I say it was a laugh? I said it's not abuse. Some of us know what real abuse is like.

You're both being unreasonable. He shouldn't have slapped you if you'd told him you don't like it and you shouldn't have hit him back.

*I slap my DH on the ass

According to many on here, they'd support his right to hit you back*

Don’t try to be clever 🙄 My DH smacks me on the bum every now and again. I don’t hit him back for it simply because I don’t have a problem with being smacked on the bum. He very very rarely does it to be honest. But if I had a problem with it and I have told him numerous times that I have a problem with it and he hasn’t respected that and carried on doing it then you can bet your arse that I would fly into a range and hit him back with my full force.

My husband and I are very tactile, and normally we're both happy with it.

However I ALWAYS pull him up on when he does it when we're cooking, because I'm clumsy enough as it is without a cheeky pinch or smack diverting me when I'm holding a pan of boiling water.

The other day he pinched my bum inside my shorts after he'd done the washing up and his hands were cold and damp. I instinctively turned around and smacked his arm away.

The fuss he made about my 'violence' was unbelievable, given how clear I've made it that messing with me in the kitchen makes me uncomfortable. I didn't hit him as a 'punishment' - literally just forcefully smacked his arm away from doing his own unwanted pinching!

Such as being repeatedly slapped when the victim has already stated that they don’t wish to be touched in such a way

I don't see how you can claim self defence in this circumstance. Op had other options, including to walk away. Her safety was not under threat, she didn't have no other option but to hit back.

And I don't believe that you would defend a man hitting a woman in these circumstances and agree with him claiming self defence.

Yanbu.

Where did I say it was a laugh? I said it's not abuse. Some of us know what real abuse is like.

And some of us grew up having the shite kicked out of us. That doesn’t give us the right to minimise another woman’s abuse.

He shouldn't have slapped you if you'd told him you don't like it and you shouldn't have hit him back.

So, what should the OP have done? She’s told him on numerous occasions that she doesn’t like it. I’m sure he can see from her physical response on the previous occasion that he’s slapped her, that she doesn’t like it. Her words to him has had absolutely no effect, so wise one, what should she have done?

He’s finally had a taste of his own medicine and doesn’t like it.

I've always told my kids that if you lay hands on another person, don't be surprised if you get it back, possibly in spades. You take your victim as you find them. It's possibly part of why they grew up keeping their hands to themselves.

Rosebel, I'm truly sorry you've known abuse.

The idea of 'real abuse', though, is not helpful. As I said, abuse is a pattern of behaviour, which tends to escalate. Often we wonder how women end up in an abusive relationship - it doesn't start abusive.

There are little flags. Sometimes these are just flags and problems, sometimes they escalate to abuse. An abuser will try to push boundaries, chip away and undermine, minimise, gaslight and provoke.

It would do no harm to check over a relationship to make sure that these wee signs are not symptomatic of an underlying relationship dynamic. The way we avoid abusive relationships is by paying attention to these signs, that may seem minimal in isolation but can add up, in retrospect, to a clear picture/pattern.

OP may or may not be in danger of being in a relationship that turns out to be unhealthy. Regardless, I wouldn't put up with somebody disrespecting me like that.

I don't see how you can claim self defence in this circumstance. Op had other options, including to walk away. Her safety was not under threat, she didn't have no other option but to hit back.

So your response to woman that is REPEATEDLY slapped, is to suck it up and walk away? Every single time he assaults her, she should walk away? I can’t think why women stay in abusive relationships, when they get wise advice from people like you.

And I don't believe that you would defend a man hitting a woman in these circumstances and agree with him claiming self defence.

Oh sweetie, that doesn’t surprise me. You have yet to believe anything thing that comes out of a woman’s mouth, unless it’s to say how wonderful men are. 🙄

Redwinestillfiine
If you bothered to read the fucking thread you would have seen that there's no IF she told him. She's repeatedly told him, he keeps slapping her, she slapped him back but they're both unreasonable?

What level of violence towards a partner is acceptable to you. You're a disgrace

I’ve had seven colours of shit walloped out of me by my ex Dh.

My ex DP used to pin me down and tickle me (he was about a foot taller and 5 stone heavier) even though I hated it.

Both made me feel helpless. Neither experience was fun.

My choice in men was suspect. Their respect of my boundaries was too.

So your response to woman that is REPEATEDLY slapped, is to suck it up and walk away? Every single time he assaults her, she should walk away? I can’t think why women stay in abusive relationships, when they get wise advice from people like you.

If he is doing it repeatedly then she needs to consider whether it's the right relationship to stay in doesn't she? What good do you think her hitting him back will do? Do you think he will stop? If you truly believe that she's in an abusive relationship I doubt you would be advising her to hit back would you? Surely that puts you in greater danger because the risk is that he will hit her back, harder.

I'd guess he's sulking because he's been told off and punished for doing something wrong and he doesn't think he did anything wrong. Does this sum up his mood OP? How long will he mope about before you can discuss it like grownups?

AwrightDoreen, I don't know if choice in men has much bearing on the matter? Abusers can be very clever in tricking/manipulating/seducing someone into a relationship. They don't usually come with 'abuser' tattooed on their forehead, unfortunately.

And so much unhealthy and unfair behaviour is, as shown on this thread, minimised and dismissed and mocked.

He shouldn't have slapped you, you shouldn't have slapped him. Two wrongs don't make a right.

YA both BU.

I don’t think you did anything wrong. You told him several times it wasn’t ok and he didn’t care about your boundaries. You finally retaliated / defended yourself. That isn’t violence. It wasn’t disproportionate.

To clarify my comment above, I mean true, abusive violence. Obviously hitting is a type of violence.

Lockheart
He shouldn't have slapped you, you shouldn't have slapped him. Two wrongs don't make a right.
Yet another poster that hasn't bothered to read the full thread

I don't think you were wrong to slap him back op. He's lucky it was only his arm imo. Re: his sulking, don't go trying to appease him, let him sulk and work out what he did wrong himself and he should come and apologise. If he doesn't, you've obviously got bigger problems.

@Hearhoovesthinkzebras
I've seen many of your comments on FWR threads and I realise that you don't think that women should have any rights at all.
It's been very clear on this thread that you believe that male violence towards women is ok acceptable and nothing to be concerned about.

Must be in the minority here. I like a bit of fun arse skapping. Have you clearly told him its not fun for u

Posters saying it's only playful and don't see any problem with it, kids also used to play that slapping game, where they hide behind doors and jump out and slap as hard as they can or run up and surprise the other with as hard a slap as they can manage. Would the op's dp be ok to do that? Because it's 'playful'?

Fuck off.

@Rubyroost yes the OP has said (can you just RTFT before posting???) they she has REPEATEDLY said not to do it to her DP.