Husband not happy with money situation

[Moominmama79]

AIBU to 'expect' my husband to pay for things? He works full time and earns a good wage. He can easily afford to pay the mortgage and bills and still have plenty left over for us to treat ourselves. I'm currently not working, I lost my job due to the coronavirus. I was previously working part time as we have a son and I work my job around school times so I can look after him. My husband isn't happy that I don't make any contribution towards the bills. I could never afford to on my part time wage and saw what little I earned as money for me if I needed anything. My husband doesn't give me money for anything and I don't have access to his money so when I was working my money was mine and he paid the bills and shopping etc. He's always complaining about how he pays for 'everything' and how I 'expect everything for free'. The way I see it is he's supporting his family. I'm not getting things 'for free', I'm his wife not a lodger. Whenever I try to explain this to him he disagrees massively and says I should be contributing financially. I don't know how he expects me to when I'm not even working. I've been out of work a few times before and he's never given me any kind of allowance or anything, I've just had no income for myself and gone without if I've ever needed anything. He treats himself often, new clothes, days and nights out with his friends whereas I can't afford to do things like that myself. If I need new clothes, I go without. If he's working, me and my son stay home as I can't afford to take him out for the day or anything. I don't understand how he thinks this is the right way to do things. He says I ask for too much and always want money for things. The only time I ask him for money is if we need something for the house. Our TV recently broke and he bought another one but constantly reminds me that he bought 'me' a new TV. He does this with anything he buys for the house. He bought 'me' a new kitchen, he bought 'me' new carpets for the upstairs, oh and a new boiler when it packed up. Please tell me I'm not wrong

I AM SO PLEASED SHE DID :)
I love when I see that someone has left an abusive relationship, it's the first step to the rest of your life.
Well done OP :)

really well done OP

Twat.

Awful man! He didn't buy YOU a kitchen, he bought the house a kitchen! I'd like to see him manage without one.

Unless he doesn't live in the house, he did not buy YOU any of those things. They would only be FOR YOU exclusively if he didn't live there. Get legal advice to deal with the financially abusive twat!

@SugarfreeBlitz

Maybe use the "see all" function to read the OPs updates.

So happy for you OP. You were very brave to leave this abuse.

I feel sick reading about how he refused to pay for childcare or anything for your DS, and how he was treating himself to purchases and holidays and you had nothing. That is not a normal or loving marriage.

Good luck for the future

I remember your posts from earlier in the year. Massive congratulations, so happy for you!

@Moominmama79

Love this thread, thanks for sharing your story.

As soon as I read your OP, I thought, she'd be so much better off on her own... and now you are. Fantastic. Good luck to you.

Oops I will do, thanks I didnt know you could do that.

Well done @Moominmama79

@cherrybunx0 what did you write that had your post removed? I was out and didn’t see anything until just now. Did you write something naughty !

I’ve been here since 2006. Not at all interested in being goady, it’s fruitless. I still don’t get what you’re getting at mind you.

Are you married to my ex husband by any chance? I haven't read any updates and I know this post is old, but I hope you've divorced him and taken him for every penny.

@Nenevalleykayaker you are absolutely off your rocker, I have no interest in engaging with you anymore.

get help.

@cherrybunx0 you’ve had your posts removed already by MN, give it a break now

He sounds horrible. So glad you left him op. Very mean too. I was hurt for you as it sounded he had plenty for himself. Hope you doing ok

@Moominmama79

Thank you for all your (mostly ) kind comments! For those asking, he was shocked when I told him I wanted to leave. He didn't believe I would go through with it as I 'can't cope without him. He's worse off financially so he's not better off on his own like he always said he would be 🙄 He pays maintenance and visits DS when he can. We're on good terms for the sake of DS and he complains to me often about having to do his own housework etc Me and DS moved 200 miles away, close to my mum so I have support from her when I need it. We have our own home, albeit rented at the moment. Ds has settled very well into school. I'm in the process of registering as a home baker, a passion of mine and something the ex never supported. I'm also looking into doing some online courses to improve my chances of work. Something I couldn't afford to do before. I can also now finally afford to learn to drive so that's something else that will help job prospects too. Not to mention the freedom it will give me and ds for days out,holidays etc. When we're allowed to! We had an amazing Christmas, we're both doing good and very happy

You go, OP! 🍾

@cherrybunx0 You’ve spent a fair bit of time calling women crazy on here and having your posts removed by MN. We just want to be free to comment without you doing this. That’s all.

@Nenevalleykayaker
Ok, I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt and act as though you're not being goady (despite evidence to the contrary)

You posted quoting a comment from @cherrybunx0 which is from a while back, on a different thread and totally irrelevant to this thread.

She asked why you'd done that, then you claimed that "everyone does it" (I've never seen it done before without relevance or context) and when she was trying to find out what point you were trying to make, you claimed to have no idea what she was referring to.

I'm not going to respond to you, as I don't want to derail the thread. I'm just clarifying that you did an unusual thing and then claimed to have no idea what you'd done, which looks very goady.

@gettingfedupagain I think if @cherrybunx0 posts are being removed by MN, that’s enough information really.

My dh and I always split things in half. We recently moved to a new house and he had to put more of his savings into the deposit. After which he asked me to pay him back for the deposit, I did this for a year and struggled, finally told him enough and he did understand and agree that we’re a family unit.

He is financially abusing you. I have lost count of the number of men who think a wife is just unpaid labour for their children and expected to cook and clean for him for free. Call him out and warn him he treats you like a wife or he will lose you.

He has lost her! She has gone with the child and she is a lot happier, the house had to be sold, he's a lot worse off. And serve him right, TBH.

I'm delighted to read such a happy ending. OP, you were obviously completely right and did exactly the right thing. Hopefully this post gives strength to the many others in a similar situation 🤩😍💐