Husband not happy with money situation

[Moominmama79]

AIBU to 'expect' my husband to pay for things? He works full time and earns a good wage. He can easily afford to pay the mortgage and bills and still have plenty left over for us to treat ourselves. I'm currently not working, I lost my job due to the coronavirus. I was previously working part time as we have a son and I work my job around school times so I can look after him. My husband isn't happy that I don't make any contribution towards the bills. I could never afford to on my part time wage and saw what little I earned as money for me if I needed anything. My husband doesn't give me money for anything and I don't have access to his money so when I was working my money was mine and he paid the bills and shopping etc. He's always complaining about how he pays for 'everything' and how I 'expect everything for free'. The way I see it is he's supporting his family. I'm not getting things 'for free', I'm his wife not a lodger. Whenever I try to explain this to him he disagrees massively and says I should be contributing financially. I don't know how he expects me to when I'm not even working. I've been out of work a few times before and he's never given me any kind of allowance or anything, I've just had no income for myself and gone without if I've ever needed anything. He treats himself often, new clothes, days and nights out with his friends whereas I can't afford to do things like that myself. If I need new clothes, I go without. If he's working, me and my son stay home as I can't afford to take him out for the day or anything. I don't understand how he thinks this is the right way to do things. He says I ask for too much and always want money for things. The only time I ask him for money is if we need something for the house. Our TV recently broke and he bought another one but constantly reminds me that he bought 'me' a new TV. He does this with anything he buys for the house. He bought 'me' a new kitchen, he bought 'me' new carpets for the upstairs, oh and a new boiler when it packed up. Please tell me I'm not wrong

[CraftyWoman]

So glad to read your update, Moomin. You have done what was best for all of you. He's now free to find one of the women on this thread who though he was a paragon of virtue, while you and your DS can move on and have an actual life away from abuse.

The best revenge and all that...

[Nenevalleykayaker]

@cherrybunx0 I mention age because I'm aware there is a big difference in how my parents/grandparents view social media interactions and how my friends do. no insult intended there, just an observation.

This made me chuckle ! Once you’re out of your 20s and your microcosm in the annexe you’ll see the bigger picture in everything

[VettiyaIruken]

[quote Nenevalleykayaker]@TheyIsMyFamily Oh I see. Blimmin’ zombie threads . Womder how many marriages end because a bunch of strangers on Mumsnet told them to LTB.[/quote]
None.

[Ispini]

Delighted that you are happier now, well done! I hope the bas*d regrets all his actions, he deserves to be miserable.

[cherrybunx0]

@Nenevalleykayaker Not sure why you're quoting something from an entirely different thread that has absolutely nothing to do with this one and was a completely valid statement on the thread I actually posted it......

very odd.

[TenaciousOnePointOne]

@Nenevalleykayaker

Seen the update half way through the thread.

So your husband supported you financially and then you left him and he continues to support you financially.

No wonder there’s so many ‘why won’t he propose’ threads on this forum

Not sure what you are reading but it is quite clear from the updates that he is worse off as he has to pay more for rent and do his own housework. He begrudged 'helping' the OP (I'd actually call it supporting his family) when she was out of work, or even supporting her to get back into work when they were together, which would have meant sharing the childcare both costs and actually doing some and also picking up some slack at home. His choices have left him in a worse of position.

He isn't supporting her financially now, he's paying towards the upbringing of his son which is also something he resented doing when they were together. He is the villain in this piece not OP.

[gettingfedupagain]

I'm so happy to read your update. Your post about him not buying you a winter coat made me so sad.
My ex was very similar, he was totally unreasonable about the finances regarding the divorce, wouldn't listen to me, paid a solicitor £300 an hour to promise him the moon on a stick, ended up with 30% of the equity and he really resents paying maintenance now.
Karma

[gettingfedupagain]

@Margotshypotheticaldog

Nenevalleykayaker the good news for you, and the others like you on this thread, is that this gem of a man is now back on the market, and looking for his next surrendered wife.

[Nenevalleykayaker]

Not for this one @Margotshypotheticaldog I don’t do infidelity !

@cherrybunx0 everyone quotes from historical posts on MN I’m afraid.

[cherrybunx0]

@Nenevalleykayaker well not everyone...

but I still dont understand the relevance of that quote on this thread? what point are you making?

[cherrybunx0]

are you alluding to the fact that because I'm in my twenties I havent understood this thread like you have so you have far more wisdom on the matter than me?

this thread has had a large amount of responses and most of them are far more along the lines of how I read it then you and I can imagine the age groups are quite broad so not sure age is a factor here.

[Nenevalleykayaker]

@cherrybunx0 I:sorry you’re not making any sense to me. Was that message for another thread? You’re not the OP, are you? l you mentioned something about the OP being a surrendered wife. One of us is on the wrong thread !

[cherrybunx0]

@Nenevalleykayaker you're confused!??

you @ me on this thread, quoting something that I posted on an entirely different thread. I asked you why, you said everyone does it. and I then said but what point were you trying to make by quoting me from the other thread, was it to make a point about my age..

dont think I'm the one who has caused confusion here lol, maybe go easy on the wine

[FoonySpucker]

@Nenevalleykayaker

Time for your nap maybe?

[Nenevalleykayaker]

@cherrybunx0 Naw. No idea what you’re on about sorry. Your notifications come up on my phone pings and I’m trying to keep up with replies but you’ve lost me (shrug emoji). Are you derailing on purpose? This thread finished ages ago! And wine? (insert non existent spew emoji here) Yorkshire Tea all the way for me.

@FoonySpucker not whilst the kids are still here doing schoolwork unfortunately.

[cherrybunx0]

@Nenevalleykayaker

this thread had an update from the original poster, it didnt finish ages ago..

if you cant keep up with the shit you're posting then you probably shouldnt be on here, its irritating and confusing for all involved.

I cant keep explaining the conversation, just look back at your own posts, although admittedly they dont make much sense.

[Nenevalleykayaker]

@cherrybunx0 I’m sorry you’re confused. Your posts make no sense at all. I think you keep posting on the wrong thread .

[cherrybunx0]

Thanks mumsnet, I don't need a link to the talk guidelines thanks, but perhaps you can have a word with people like the above who are quite clearly goady on purpose. Not sure what they bring to the site.

[pepsicolagirl]

Glad you left OP, hope you are beginning to reap the rewards and building your confidence again.
I do like a happy ending

[AGirlCalledJohnny]

@Millymollymandybestie

I seem to be in the minority in my generation but i I just don’t get the my money thing. The money me and my dh earn is ours regardless of who earns more or less. We have shared money since pretty much the start being from about 16 and then had a joint account from 18. If your with someone and are sharing your life with them I dint understand why you wouldn’t do this

Once myself and my DH became serious we were the same. He’s always out earned me. I took the hit to my career for childcare reasons, but he knew and appreciated that. He wanted to have children too. That he would withhold from me financially because I was the main caregiver for our family would’ve been a deal breaker.

[Pebbledashery]

What a total selfish b*stard. This isn't a partnership. He doesn't respect that you care for the home and family.
I'd be getting my affairs in order if I was you! this doesn't bode well for the future.

[Pebbledashery]

Ok.. I didn't RTFT - guilty!

[cherrybunx0]

@Pebbledashery Happily, the OP did leave and has created a new life for her and her son :)