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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To send a text to neighbour about her early morning phone chats

184 replies

VaukaPinvhin · 08/04/2020 07:55

My neighbour in the flat below is chatting on the phone most mornings between 6.30am - 8 am. There is bugger all insulation in the building and I can hear every word . I have mild hearing loss so it’s not like I’m highly sensitive to noise. I’ve been woken up between 6.30 -7.45 every morning this week. Ok a quick call but not a long bloody chat.

AIBU to send her a text and ask if she can go into the other room or wait till after 8 am? She isn’t a bad neighbour - no loud music, visitors gone by 11pm etc. But at the moment when we are all stuck in she is doing my head in.

OP posts:

ColourMyDreams · 08/04/2020 07:58

YABU.
She is in her own home. It's not like she's hammer drilling the walls. She is entitled to speak on her phone whenever she wants to.
I'm always curious to know how people have their neighbours phone number.

Whatishappenin · 08/04/2020 08:01

Could you let her know that you can hear every word of her early morning phone calls? She may prefer to have her conversation more privately - in another room!

SoupDragon · 08/04/2020 08:02

There is bugger all insulation in the building and I can hear every word

Then you should be prepared for her to complain in return about ordinary noise you are making.

Sushiroller · 08/04/2020 08:03

Yanbu
She lives in these flats and i have no doubt she knows how shit the soundproofing is. I lived in flats like this and we all knew how bad it was.
It may just be thoughtlessness on her part.

Just drop her a friendly text about it and ask nicely.

Go sit in the kitchen

FourTeaFallOut · 08/04/2020 08:04

She's in her own home, she can do as she likes. It's not like she's playing the drums.

TorkTorkBam · 08/04/2020 08:06

I'd tell her you can hear every word. Most people would hate to think their private conversation is not private. Tell her. She will most likely change how she makes calls as a result.

Mumdiva99 · 08/04/2020 08:07

Can you get ear plugs? There are different types: foam, wax, soft plastic

nakedavengerreturns · 08/04/2020 08:09

Pffft. Honestly? I usually get up for work at 6 to get a 7am train to be at work at 8. Now with lockdown and wfh I get up the same time and my work calls now start at 6.30am because most of my colleagues do the same as they are wrangling kids during the day and need to get their work done. No one can hear me as I'm in a rural location but I couldn't care less if someone could hear the call. Work has to be done.

Wear earplugs or put on headphones or some music/radio. Go to bed an hour earlier?

NiteFlights · 08/04/2020 08:10

I would phone, not text, and ask politely if she would go to the other room or wait til 8. From what you’ve said she’s a considerate neighbour so will probably agree. I doubt she wants you hearing her phone calls.

If she refuses there isn’t much you can do but you could use a white noise app on your phone and maybe look into soundproofing?

YgritteSnow · 08/04/2020 08:11

I don't think it hurts to ask if you're on good terms. I wouldn't want to be waking my neighbour up or know she could overhear my convos. I'd be glad to be told.

Otherrooms · 08/04/2020 08:11

Definitely tell her!
'Liz, I didn't want to say anything but I can hear every word when you chat on the phone and I feel like I'm listening in to your private conversation... aren't the walls thin...blah blah'

WearyandBleary · 08/04/2020 08:12

I thought you were going to say 3am!!

I live in a terrace between elderly couples and they are up chatting to each other from about 6am. That’s communal living.

alittlequinnie · 08/04/2020 08:12

I'm always surprised when people jump straight in on these threads with "wear earplugs".

I will do this at a push but generally they make me feel a little bit sick when wearing them so I wouldn't like it to be a regular thing.

I thought the slightly sick feeling was something to do with the inner ear so maybe not just me but I'm starting to think it might be!

FTMF30 · 08/04/2020 08:15

Your neighbour should be allowed to talk on the phone in her own home. That's the downside to living in a poorly insulated flat I'm afraid.

screwcovid19 · 08/04/2020 08:15

She can't probably hear everything you do as well.
It's actually probably worse for her as you're upstairs and she presumably doesn't have hearing loss.

FTMF30 · 08/04/2020 08:17

@screwcovid19 You're right. I lived below someone and could hear every footstep, when they washed up, when they flushed their toilet, etc.

Original poster

VaukaPinvhin · 08/04/2020 08:21

I can handle whatever she does after 8 am but why chat with someone at 6.30 instead of waitIng till a reasonable time. . She wasn’t working before lockdown and I’m not at work as I’m retired. I know the insulation is shit which is why I don’t make calls after 10 pm or before 8.30. I am incredibly quiet as I know you can hear everything. I’d be happy for her to contact me if I was disturbing her in any way. I have her number after she was ill once and I called round to check if she needed any shopping etc and she gave me her number.

I have nothing against her. She is just built to a very loud design and these flats are built to a very thin walled design. I know technically she can do what she wants in her own home but out of niceness is consideration for your neighbours not a thing ? I am super quiet - I don’t have a tv, listen to music through headphones, have carpets with thick underlay and don’t stomp about. I do have earplugs but wearing them every night hurts my ears . I’ve tried different ones and the ones that work best aren’t particularly comfortable.

OP posts:

Itstheprinciple · 08/04/2020 08:23

If this is a new thing, she could be working from home and having a meeting. Or having to check in with family or friends in a different time zone. I'm sure if you mention nicely that you can hear her, she will want to sort it.

loobyloo1234 · 08/04/2020 08:23

YABU. Its her house. Buy some ear plugs

EricaNernie · 08/04/2020 08:23

6.30 presumably suits the person she is speaking to. perhaps they are abroad?
or they want to chat before work or after work
can you actually speak to her rather than text, which can be taken badly

nakedavengerreturns · 08/04/2020 08:23

So is this a new thing?

Stet · 08/04/2020 08:27

White noise! Can get a machine or get it on phone or tablet.

Notapheasantplucker · 08/04/2020 08:31

I'd go with the friendly conversation idea. Just let her know you can hear her private calls in the mornings and how thin the walls are etc.

Original poster

VaukaPinvhin · 08/04/2020 08:32

naked no it’s not a new thing but it’s getting to me now because of lockdown I think. She isn’t working from home . She’s a nursery assistant and the nursery is shut. And she hasn’t been working for the last year due to a bad back. She is incredibly sociable and needs to be either seeing people or talking on the phone to them. For hours. I don’t have a problem with this. We are all different. But it’s the before 8am long chats from the bedroom which is a problem.

The ‘it’s her house’ argument - where does that end? Technically I could play the accordion, put up shelves at 5 am because it suits my lifestyle etc. But I just wouldn’t unless I lived in a detached house. And before anyone suggests moving these are HA and have very little money after taking early retirement due to a joint condition.

OP posts:

springydaff · 08/04/2020 08:33

It may be that because you're so quiet she doesn't realise the insulation is rubbish.

I'd definitely have a word with her. Do it super nicely and kindly and she should be fine. I bet she totally doesn't realise you can hear every word.

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