To send a text to neighbour about her early morning phone chats

[VaukaPinvhin]

My neighbour in the flat below is chatting on the phone most mornings between 6.30am - 8 am. There is bugger all insulation in the building and I can hear every word . I have mild hearing loss so it’s not like I’m highly sensitive to noise. I’ve been woken up between 6.30 -7.45 every morning this week. Ok a quick call but not a long bloody chat.

AIBU to send her a text and ask if she can go into the other room or wait till after 8 am? She isn’t a bad neighbour - no loud music, visitors gone by 11pm etc. But at the moment when we are all stuck in she is doing my head in.

At that time it sounds as though she's speaking with someone either in another country so different time region or perhaps shift working.

Either way it's her right to do this. You being in the flat above are likely to make more noise than her full stop.
. Yabu. Get over it. 630 is hardly early!

I don’t think you ABU but it will be more hassle than it’s worth! We had a neighbour two doors down in terraced houses that used to have the loudest phone calls at 2am with all her windows open. But she was awful-parties, arguments and fights all the time. Men coming daily. Eventually we all contacted the landlord and she was evicted after 6 months

She might be worried about you hearing every word so move room. I did mention to my neighbour I could hear everything their Alexa said and they moved it to the other side of the room.

‘She is just loud in everything she does - sneezes, coughs, walks (stomps about), talks, laughs - all much louder than your average person.’

It really sounds as though you’re blowing everything up out of proportion. Nobody ‘sneezes’ or ‘coughs’ extra loudly. That makes no sense. I think you’re just tuning in to everything this person does, maybe you’re struggling with the stress of the lockdown?

If she was playing loud music or had the TV/radio on at full blast that would be different but just doing normal things in her own home, sorry you ABU.

My sister frequently phones me around 7am. She’s elderly and frightened. She is being shielded so can’t leave her home at all and isn’t sleeping well. She knows I’m always up very early so she just wants to hear a voice on the phone. Thankfully we live in a detached house with no immediate neighbours but, without being rude, I really wouldn’t bother if we had. My home, my business.

It’s possible that she is struggling with stress as well - hence her early morning phone calls? Maybe a phone call along the lines of ’I hear you chatting on the phone very early every morning. Are you okay? Is there anything I can do to help?’

She's in her own house and she's not making unreasonable noise: you hear her because of the poor insulation not because she's shouting.

If she's talking to someone at that time if the morning every day then this person must be important to her and it's likely they are a keyworker and she's talking to them before they go to work, you may want to bear that in mind because this phone call may be everything to her.

I would just message and say:
Hi, hope you're keeping well, I just wanted to let you know I'm thinking of you and to make you aware that I can hear your conversation every morning because of the rubbish insulation. I'm not grumbling I just thought I'd give you the heads up in case you're discussing very person details.
Stay safe, text me any time if you need anything.
Neighbourino xx

Thank god I'm not your neighbour!!

Have you thought about moving to the middle of nowhere? .... no earplugs required then, unless you don't like the birdsong or the sounds of mother nature!

Might they be work calls? She might not have any choice in when she speaks to people on the phone.

I think being stuck indoors is exacerbating minor irritations for us all, but are all in the same situation here and have to give each other a bit of slack, I think. My neighbour is really heavy footed on the stairs and slams doors (in my opinion), which really irritates me at times, but I have to accept she's not doing anything unreasonable and is generally a good neighbour, the problem is mine and these flimsy new build walls.

If you do complain (even in a nice way), I think you gave to be prepared for her to be upset and to perhaps hear some things about being your neighbour you might not want to!

Politely, say, you can hear her telephone conversations. I would definitely not like that. 🤭🤭

I recently got my neighbours phone number when my car was broken in and I asked them if I can see what their camera recorded and them we exchanged nber.
I think it's always good to have each other nber. And for the phone call she is in her house and free to do what ever as long as not loud music or early morning drilling.

Of course it's 'her flat and she can do what she likes in it' however, she may not know she's disturbing the OP!

Some people are totally unaware of their surroundings (the impact of 'their rights' on others), other people's personal space nor apparently others (the OP) also having a right to live how they wish in their own home; without a polite word. A fairly large percentage would, hopefully, be mortified that they're causing a problem for the likes of the OP and sort themselves out.

If I were the neighbour I'd be slightly miffed, maybe embarrassed by being told I was potentially a 'problem neighbour' but I'd certainly take my calls in a different room if I were made aware of my noise. Why wouldn't MN naysayers?

If we all have rights but no responsibilities, the concept of urban/city living is over; preceded by chaos!

I'm confused. 6 30am is early for some. We all have to make adjustments for our neighbours. 8pm isn't late, but if I lived next to a family with a toddler would it mean I was free to talk loudly in the room next to theirs & keep them from sleeping?

Early rising/chatting neighbour might not take to kindly to OP being equally as loud at 10pm, can't really class that as late but if you're sleeping it's an irritation!

I'd probably send a neutral text and hope she gets the message:
'Hi x. I can hear your phone calls really clearly from my flat. Particularly the very early morning ones. Thanks, VP

Billie she’s not a bad person by any means. She is just loud in everything she does - sneezes, coughs, walks (stomps about), talks, laughs - all much louder than your average person

I was sort of with you until this

Have you sent the text?

If I was you I would be complaining to the HA not your neighbour abiut the poorly insulated walls. I had a friend that moved into a newbuild where the builder had failed to put any insulation between the properties, they managed to get him to rectify it.

Could you get together with the other residents to make a joint complaint? Maybe then you could mention something to your neighbour about the possibility of doing her early morning calls in another room yntil rectified but I wouldnt see it as a long term solution.

Have you spoke with her about it yet, OP?

She may not realise that you can hear her, by the sounds of it she can’t hear any of you and might not realise how bad the insulation is. I would just ask her if she’d be so kind as to use a different room. I wouldn’t be remotely offended by such a request.

You would hate having me as a neighbour. I think 8am is very late and I’m always up around 5:30, even on a weekend. Like today, it’s 6:30 and I’ve already been out in the garden with the dog, prepared breakfast for the kids etc. I go to bed between 9-10 pm.

Maybe you disturb her in the evenings? When do you go to bed?

Difficult one, but as a pp said, if you raise it with her you're going to hear about everything you do that she has had to hear (due to the thin walls).

My neighbours and I are in different time zones. I get up at 0615 and they stay up half the night and are still letting their dog (who barks) in and out of the house and slamming the back door really hard at 0045 and sometimes later.

I've said nothing as the issue is the walls. I want to get sound insulation.

''Billie she’s not a bad person by any means. She is just loud in everything she does - sneezes, coughs, walks (stomps about), talks, laughs - all much louder than your average person''

This literally could be my neighbours. Sisters. Their bedrooms are along the wall that sides with my house and my daughter and I each have one of them on the other side. They also sneeze and cough in an almost pantomime fashion.

They haven't had a new bed in forty years and their beds are both very noisy.

If they get up to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night they are very heavy footed and seem to hurl themselves at the floor!

So I know what you mean OP

It's talking I don't think you can tell her to tbf. Unless you want to avoid talking between the hours of 10 and 8 yourself.

@Peppafrig Any noise that disturbs your neighbours is not really ok, talking or any other form. Of course some noise is to be expected but some people talk extremely loudly (my neighbours can't have a conversation without yelling at each other.)

The one exception is babies crying because there's nothing you can do about it.

@LoveIsLovely any noise really? So no flushing of toilets? No running of taps etc. Talking is a normal household noise like flushing toilet or taking a shower. I start work at 7 am should I not be allowed to shower?

I feel for you. Hearing someone else constantly wears one down. Our neighbor was a loud human. He just didn't know how to do things at a normal volume. There were old thick walled houses too. But he still managed to be noisy. He made his breakfast noisily, he showed noisily, he even managed to open his gate with a stomp stomp stomp 'here boy, come on boy', stomp, crash, squeak slam. He just had no awareness that he was loud.

Anyway as the weather became nicer I could hear all his conversations, by phone and with his girlfriend because he insisted on always leaving his back door open. So I took the approach of texting to say that he probably doesn't realize but the sound carrys in an odd way and therefore I hear all his private conversations which makes me feel awkward. He managed to stay quiet for about a weekend.

So I bought an air purifier instead. Nice white noise without and heat or cold effect. I highly recommend this. Also made the air lovely.

I put in my earplugs when my neighbor gets up...can hear draws opening, talking, lots of noise.

I also put headphones on to drown it out.

They play base thumping music at times... sounds like I am playing it in my room!

I'm a quiet person and it makes me realise how much I like peace and quiet.

I thought about soundproofing but reviews aren't great so It looks like I'm sticking to the coping mechanisms above.

Good thing I'm an early riser normally.

Your not alone OP