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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To send a text to neighbour about her early morning phone chats

184 replies

VaukaPinvhin · 08/04/2020 07:55

My neighbour in the flat below is chatting on the phone most mornings between 6.30am - 8 am. There is bugger all insulation in the building and I can hear every word . I have mild hearing loss so it’s not like I’m highly sensitive to noise. I’ve been woken up between 6.30 -7.45 every morning this week. Ok a quick call but not a long bloody chat.

AIBU to send her a text and ask if she can go into the other room or wait till after 8 am? She isn’t a bad neighbour - no loud music, visitors gone by 11pm etc. But at the moment when we are all stuck in she is doing my head in.

OP posts:
Macncheeseballs · 08/04/2020 08:33

6.30 is too early

Amimissingsomethinghere · 08/04/2020 08:33

I agree with white noise too. It's the best thing ever.
We live in a converted terrace and the guy above us is NOT considerate. Plus he has floor boards in his lounge above our bedroom which breaks the lease but I can't be bothered to be on bad terms with him. We use white noise. We can hear everything too. I can't WAIT to move!!

CaptainMyCaptain · 08/04/2020 08:34

Rather than complain, just mention that you can hear her conversations, which, as others have said, she may prefer to be private.

springydaff · 08/04/2020 08:35

Or you could call out during one of her calls - that'd give her a shock!

"Liz! I can hear every word!"

Amimissingsomethinghere · 08/04/2020 08:36

If it's really bothering you after trying different options I would just give her a call. You could kind of use the excuse that you were checking in on her atm to make sure all is well. Then mention the early morning chats and just be honest. You sound like a friendly person so I am sure she won't take it in a bad way.

BulbTherapy · 08/04/2020 08:37

And if she had family or a partner at home with her, would you have a problem with her talking to them too?

If you live in a flat, you need to put up with noise. Someone speaking on the phone isn't excessive just because the time is a bit earlier than you'd like - 6.30 is hardly the middle of the night.

Get some earplugs or play something you can sleep through to drown her out a bit.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 08/04/2020 08:38

she’s fully entitled to have a phone call, it’s not up to you to decide when’s too early- it’s not the same as instrument noise.
However if on good terms I would talk to her along the lines of “sorry to bring this to you, and I’m embarrassed to bring this up but the walls in these properties are rubbish, might it be possible for you to make calls a little later as they wake me up”

2020changedtheworld · 08/04/2020 08:39

Boots wax earplugs are amazing, you cut a bit off, as they are big. Warm them in your hand and mould them in your ear. They dont hurt.

Be prepared to wake up at 10.00 a.m Brew

BillieEilish · 08/04/2020 08:40

I'm in the same situation OP, my neighbour above does not give two shits.

Ear plugs give me otitis thanks, I am not wearing them. They also make me feel odd (to previous PP)

Before 8am is antisocial and I would definitely text or call in a nice, friendly manner. I am in total lockdown in Spain and it is awful that people are not more considerate IMO.

My DD and I make no noise, deliberately. I have lived in noisy flats all my life (London, Rome, Paris, Montreal etc etc) I know what it is to live in a flat. Noise before 8am in a LOCKDOWN situation is just not on.

I'm hoping your neighbour just doesn't realise OP

Whatnameisgood · 08/04/2020 08:45

I agree 6.30 is too early. She could be speaking to someone in a different time zone. Best ask her nicely with a phone call just letting her know you can hear every word and aren’t the walls thin etc. She’d probably prefer the privacy of going into a different room anyway. She probably has no idea she’s waking you up

byebyebeautiful · 08/04/2020 08:47

I'm always curious to know how people have their neighbours phone number

Presumably the usual way, ya know - asking them in the course of a conversation?

TheMotherofAllDilemmas · 08/04/2020 08:48

I would tell her, she may not have realised you can hear her.

My neighbour came to apologise to me after her child spend the whole night crying. I felt like apologising to her instead for the years we were so noisy and didn’t know they could hear us that much.

As long as you are nice in your note is fine, I bet she will be mortified.

Original poster
VaukaPinvhin · 08/04/2020 08:49

Billie she’s not a bad person by any means. She is just loud in everything she does - sneezes, coughs, walks (stomps about), talks, laughs - all much louder than your average person. I have lived in flats in Germany and people have seemed generally more aware that what they do impacts the people around them. The other 3 neighbours around me are incredibly quiet. I literally don’t hear a thing from them apart from when Tottenham score and the guy diagonally below my flat cheers [smile.

Looking at the voting though it looks like the opinion is that IABU and need to keep on wearing earplugs. Wish they didn’t hurt and build up earwax though. They make my hearing worse.

OP posts:
yearinyearout · 08/04/2020 08:49

I'd just tell her you're a bit concerned you can hear all her private conversations, that would be enough to make me move rooms.

Original poster
VaukaPinvhin · 08/04/2020 08:51

yearinyearout me to!

OP posts:
Sally872 · 08/04/2020 08:51

If she is normally a good neighbour I expect she doesn't realise this is disturbing you and if you ask nicely she will stop it or move to another room.

5zeds · 08/04/2020 08:52

You are unusually quiet so possibly don’t realise that other people talk/listen to music/watch tv, all the time. Of course she can chat on the phone when she likes, but you can tell her you can hear her and she might move to another room. I think the issue is yours to solve though really. I’m sorry it’s stressing you out.

Nanny0gg · 08/04/2020 08:53

I dont see how it would hurt to ask. The OP isn't going to be rude or confrontational. Worst that will happen is she'll just carry on.

XoXoXo2 · 08/04/2020 08:53

Could you try sleeping with a fan on in your room? I do and I don't even hear my 3 kids when they are loud in the morning (when my husband gets up with them, I don't totally ignore them lol!). It takes a few nights to get used to the noise and then it will be the most soothing thing in the world trust me! And totally drowns out noise.

Goingfarawsy · 08/04/2020 08:56

Wow, why do they build these places like this!?

Surely insulation can’t cost this much.

I live in a 80’s semi and you can’t hear a thing next door.

Amazes me that people buy new builds.

Fluffybutter · 08/04/2020 08:56

I understand .
I get this but when one of our neighbours sits in his work van and speaks to them via Bluetooth so it comes through the stereo.
It’s SO loud ,I can hear everything single thing but it just seems to be the way the sound carries as I heard my dh once when he was parking and he never has the volume high.
I’d do what was suggested above and just saying you can hear her private convos and being surprised at how thin the walls are are ,that’s enough to let her know without really complaining

roundtable · 08/04/2020 08:57

Second texting her and saying you can hear word for word what's she's saying and you don't want to accidentally hear something private and sleeping with a fan on.

I sleep with a fan on after living next door to an awful couple who were so noisy and then couldn't break the habit!

Original poster
VaukaPinvhin · 08/04/2020 08:57

XoXoXo I’ve not tried a fan as the lack of insulation also makes the flats really cold. In a heatwave is when this comes into its own as it’s the one time they’re just right.

OP posts:
Goingfarawsy · 08/04/2020 08:57

Can’t imagine the stress of being judged about how loud my sneezes were in my own house 🙈

roundtable · 08/04/2020 08:59

In the winter I point the fan away from me and I have a feather duvet. So i get the noise but not much of the fan.

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