To send a text to neighbour about her early morning phone chats

[VaukaPinvhin]

My neighbour in the flat below is chatting on the phone most mornings between 6.30am - 8 am. There is bugger all insulation in the building and I can hear every word . I have mild hearing loss so it’s not like I’m highly sensitive to noise. I’ve been woken up between 6.30 -7.45 every morning this week. Ok a quick call but not a long bloody chat.

AIBU to send her a text and ask if she can go into the other room or wait till after 8 am? She isn’t a bad neighbour - no loud music, visitors gone by 11pm etc. But at the moment when we are all stuck in she is doing my head in.

Goingfaraway these are blocks of 4 which were built in the 50s. They are just thrown up and the HA do the bare minimum in terms of maintenance. It’s the crappest place I’ve ever lived but I’m stuck here.

I sympathise as have been in a similar situation in the past. But at that time in the morning she may well be talking to friends or family overseas. Maybe she's cut off from people she loves during the current situations so worried about them. I'd try and be sympathetic where possible. Can you pop some earplugs in and go back to sleep for an hour....

goingfaraway yes I’d never say a word about sounds you just can’t help but it’s so grim you can hear absolutely everything. I can hear her weeing for godsakes. I can even hear the person on the other end of the phone calls sometimes. I’ve never lived anywhere like it

Omfg it's a phone call. It's not like she's got the vaccume on the go or decided that she wants to put up a new shelf at 6.30 in the morning.

Like PP said...would you mind if she was speaking to someone who lived with her?You can't controll people's lives by saying that they can't make phone's calls just because you consider it too early.

You might annoy her sometimes but she's probably just accepted that's what happens when you live in a flat.

Get a grip!

can you put the radio on, talking or music, she might then appreciate the sound travelling?

alternatively i think actual speaking to her, face to face, six foot apart, would be best

I would approach her and say something like "this is a bit awkward, but I thought you would want to know that due to the poor soundproofing between our flats I can hear every word of your phone conversations in the mornings. I guess it's because it's so quite that time of the morning. I don't want to eavesdrop but you might want to take your calls somewhere else". All said with a smile. She could be calling overseas and have worked out that 6,30am is the best time.

You don't need a fan - just try a white noise app on a phone or tablet.

It's fair enough to have a word with her if it's still disturbing you once you've tried the basics, but if you won't wear earplugs and haven't tried white noise, seems a bit unfair to be asking her to change her behaviour at this stage.

I don’t know whether this would work for you but I just went in to wake my little two up and they have thunder storms soundtrack playing in their bedroom on the Alexa. It’s very very soft- not crashing- but you can adjust. I knew they put it on before bed but I didn’t realise they had it for the whole night. Maybe playing something in your own house might make the neighbours noise a bit less noticeable? Otherwise instead of addressing it as a complaint I would just let her know you can hear every word and you feel that you are listening in.

SnowsInWater yes I could definitely do that.

The 'rule' about neighbourhood and anti social noise is we have a 'right' to quiet from 11pm to 7am.

I am woken by a neighbour's barking dog at around 7 every day sometimes before. I am usually awake anyway but sometimes not. Bugger all I can do about it.

I don't think anyone having a phone call at 7am is out of order but can appreciate it's annoying if you can hear it.

Most people are up and about by 7-ish if they work so your 8am idea is rather late in the day- working people are usually on their way to or at work by then.

Maybe you could tell her you can hear her calls, more from a confidentiality point of view? If she is discussing something sensitive she might want to move to another room.

YABU - you have no idea what time zone the person she is talking to is in or whether they are working a shift pattern (perfectly possible if they are a key worker). It might be the only time she can talk to them.

@VaukaPinvhin I also have hearing loss. It used to be mild but as I approach 60 I am rapidly moving from MHL to deaf and I am dependent on hearing aids for everyday living now. It’s inevitable that having a foreign body such as a hearing aid or earplug in your ear for hours a day will increase the production of ear wax so it’s important to maintain good ear hygiene.

I find cleaning my hearing aids and earbud style headphones with a tissue or brush removes a lot of wax I would otherwise be pushing back into my ear everyday. I have also found this gadget very handy. It’s very soft so doesn’t compress and impact earwax like cotton buds do and there’s no chance of damaging the inner ear. I use it once or twice a week (normally after washing my hair) and haven’t had to have my ears micro-suctioned since.

www.amazon.co.uk/CICL-Ear-Wax-Remover-Ear-Cleaner-Soft-Comfortable-Spiral-Smart-Designed-Earwax-Removal-Kit-with-16Pcs-Replacement-Silicone-Washable-Heads-Portable-Family-Pack-in-Boxes/dp/B07ZC97LN3/ref=sr_1_2_sspa?dchild=1&psc=1&s=drugstore&keywords=Ear+wax+remover+soft&spLa=ZW5jcnlwdGVkUXVhbGlmaWVyPUExRVkwSEJKNFZERkVLJmVuY3J5cHRlZElkPUEwNjk4MDA3MjZBOUlXR0RRUUVETiZlbmNyeXB0ZWRBZElkPUEwMjI2ODA1MzFaVDZPSzEyNEhYViZ3aWRnZXROYW1lPXNwX2F0ZiZhY3Rpb249Y2xpY2tSZWRpcmVjdCZkb05vdExvZ0NsaWNrPXRydWU=&tag=mumsnetforu03-21&qid=1586333329&sr=1-2-spons

If I was her I'd definitely want to know if my neighbour could hear my private conversations. So I think that's the way to go with any interaction with her. Keep it friendly and say how you're waking up earlier now that the mornings are getting lighter, and so you''re hearing everything of her early morning calls, and felt she might want to know so she could move to somewhere more private to make them.

She's talking on the phone, that's hardly comparable to doing DIY or playing a musical instrument at 6.30.

Sorry, YABVU
Just get up and have a cuppa. Stop moaning.

Your neighbour sounds just a little bit thoughtless. I agree with the poster who suggested that because you are so quiet, she probably doesn’t realise how poor the insulation is. It sounds quite likely she is talking to someone in another time zone as, if she is not working currently, it is an unusual time for a phone call.

I think Snowsinwater’s wording is really polite. I would speak rather than text if you do decide to say anything.

I don’t like the feel of ear plugs either but am grateful for my noise cancelling headphones if there are roadworks etc.

alittlequinnie, yes it's the standard response about ear plugs, but while they are ok in the short term, long term they can cause problems, minor maybe, usually by pushing ear wax in further. As far as the OP is concerned I would make light of it, and say you can hear every word, and as PP's said most people won't like the thought of that.

The problem is with your flat, not your neighbour. And just because you choose to live almost silently (headphones for music! ) it doesn’t mean you should expect that of your neighbours:

Quarantinespringclean thanks for the link. I have very small ear holes. The reviews seem to say the cleaner is quite thick. Do you reckon they’ll be ok for very small lug holes?

No harm in asking if you are polite about it and understand she may carry on.

I feel your pain. The apartment above ours is run as an air bnb. The owner is American, came over for a visit before the restrictions and seems to be stuck here for the time being. He starts (what sounds like) business calls at about 2 am every day. It’s the middle of the night so the sound of his bloody conference calls really carries.

bananafish oh no that is grim. 2 am🙈

talking on the phone in your own home is entirely reasonable behaviour.

i get the odd chuckle from people parking up on their way home outside and clearly having an in-car phone convo that inadvertantly gets broadcast to the whole street.

yabvu

I can hear my neighbours “humping” in bed. Gross.

I dont see how it would hurt to ask. The OP isn't going to be rude or confrontational. Worst that will happen is she'll just carry on.

i can see exactly how it would hurt to ask. suddenly her call to (as a possibility) an elderly relative who does that old-people thing of being up from 5, becomes fraught with worry about other people's expectations and "am i resitricting my life in line with everyone around me's random requirements"? leading to self-doubt, unnecessary withdrawal from grounding daily activities and ultimately depression/anxiety even if she didn't already have them.

leave well alone and demonstrate in your actions some of the compassion/consideration you may be asking of others atm.