To be upset with my husband and his friend

[Pumpkin108]

Hi everyone,

So I'm 8 weeks pregnant (first baby) and I've been doing OK though for me it's not that easy as I have an underlying health condition and the whole thing makes me feel quite anxious but I've been trying to stay really positive and telling myself I'll be ok. My dh has been pretty supportive. Anyway the other day, he was working from home and left his laptop open when he went to do something... I came in from garden and saw messages he'd been exchanging with a work colleague (and friend) who he's know about 1.5 years which basically entailed her being unpleasant about my pregnancy... One such comment was 'oh she'll need to take laxatives before the birth otherwise she'll shit herself' and my dh replied with the laughing laughing emoji...

There were other comments about how my body will be broken afterwards and I'll have to wear pregnancy nappies etc and how I shouldn't have a homebirth because of my 'disease'

Aibu to be hurt by this? To think it's none of her business and that she was rude and hurtful and my husband didn't really stand up for me either?

The more I see of @Imcneill003 and @MyTwoPence on here, the more convinced I am that they are the OP's ghastly husband, and his equally ghastly female friend. Got to be. That is the only explanation for their ridiculous, farcical posts. Very rarely do I see such obtuse, obnoxious, and ludicrous posts on here. They are ridiculous.

Why the fuck would ANYONE think it's all a 'joke?' There is 100% NOTHING funny about what the OP's husband and this woman have been saying, and anyone who thinks their comments (and their behaviour) is OK, should be thoroughly ashamed of themselves, and hang their head in shame.

The woman in question is a nasty callous jealous bitch, and the OP's husband is a spineless coward, who is not sticking up for his wife (and the mother of his child,) because he wants to look 'cool' and 'funny' in the eyes of this woman. In addition, they are BOTH wanting to be attractive to each other... The question is... WHY?

OP, your husband sounds like an insensitive, spineless pos! Any man who won't have your back, and as a certain song (When a man loves a woman) goes: "turn his back on his best friend if he puts her down". He should be loving you and getting real upset if anyone dared disrespect you - his wife and the mother of his unborn child. He sounds like he truly does not love you. If he did, he would slam anyone who dared diss you. That, is what a real man does.

The rest you say about him, shows what a vile maggot he is. He never stands up for you, he says you are too sensitive, he never apologises when he is wrong, he will get irate......
Seriously, if this was a close friend telling you about how their own partner treated them, what would you say to them? Leave The Bastard, I would hope. Your 'D'H is absolute scum. He has ZERO regard for you, it would be better parenting alone, than with someone who has no love or concern for you.

You need to confront him. Tell him no real man would accept anyone disrespecting his wife, nor laugh at it or encourage it. Then, either ask him to leave, or you leave. And, after you confronted your husband, I would send a message to her even just to let her know that you are aware of the nasty things she has been saying about you. She shouldn't be able to think she can get away with that behaviour either.

Why the fuck did he tell her about your bowel condition, why would she ever need to know that?

He sounds pretty awful OP, a bully who encourages other's to put you down. Do you think he'll make a good father? He's not that great a husband tbh, you can do a lot better.

You sound so passive it’s hard to feel sorry for you.

They are both so vile and no pregnant woman deserves to see comments like that.

However, you don’t seem to want to confront the situation or even care enough to do anything about it.

If you are going to approach/text anyone it has to be your husband. He is the one who has poured his heart out to her, tell her all of your business re being pregnant and your illness. She is obviously not a very nice person going on her texts but she would have only got her information from him. I get you don't like her and that's fine but he is the one that you need to take this up with.

This is absolutely fucking disgusting and disgraceful. She is a bitch of epic proportions but your husband is a spineless cunt and needs to MASSIVELY repair the situation at this point - explaining to her why her messages were not ok, explaining their little fucking chats are over; and then removing her from social media and not talking to her again unless work related.

The issue is now you have seen how they correspond. How can you ever trust
Him not to do that again? Standing by the water cooler making fun of your haemorrhoids or whatever else.

I’m genuinely angry on your behalf, this is horrendous/ please do not accept this.

You are a classic frightened, bullied woman OP......focusing on the other woman, rather than the husband that has betrayed you...

Your husband is a vile little bully that amuses himself at the expense of his pregnant partner......such a great man🙄....

The more you write about him, the more down trodden you sound.

His sister is right to be mortified.....any decent person would be.

What decent man discusses his wife's private medical issues?

He is beyond vulgar.

Tell your family and friends, watch their faces....

You are going to need the support of those whom care for you...he certainly doesn't.

Sorry, I’m genuinely not passive but finding it hard to say anything because I know he’ll accuse me of snooping which I did to a degree...
but i just cant bear the thought of her mocking me throughout my preganncy

Message her fiancé tell him to ask her what the fuck she is doing sniffing round your husband, in the mean time I'd simply ask him, her or me? This is not a healthy platonic work based friendship.

You snooper because you had reason to. I think you need to go tackle it and go on the offensive. You are disgusted with him and very upset.

Who cares if he thinks you were snooping, you cant unsee what you have seen. He left it on the laptop. If it was me i would print out the screen shot and give it to him and ask him to explain

" i just cant bear the thought of her mocking me throughout my preganncy"

Her?

Don't minimise his part in it!

Sorry you have been treated this way, I would be fuming.
But this isn't on and you have no reason to feel bad because you snooped, you must of had a gut feeling deep down to even look at the messages.
He cannot justify what he has done and make it all fall back on you because you snooped which you found out you had reason to do so.
I couldn't keep quiet,he has no leg to stand on ,I would tell him what you found and if he tries to start an argument , have your say and walk away and don't continue the conversation/argument as nothing he says to you about snooping and finding the messages will justify the conversations he has had with this woman.
I would also message his friend and tell her that you know everything she has wrote in the messages. And that she hasn't a clue about anything to do with you or pregnancy so could she politely back off and stop including you in their conversations.
If your dh tries to defend himself and gets his back up and starts accusing you just tell him you won't be speaking to him no longer and will be thinking about your marriage to him as you don't do that to someone you love , you have had your say and he can think about what he's going to do and when he's ready to talk and sort out the reason behind all this then you can talk. But make sure he knows you aren't going to listen to his bullshit about you snooping as that is irrelavent.
It would be hard to forgive and get past this for me. Being pregnant early on is hard enough and you don't need this shit on top of it all.
His friend sounds childish and jealous and no friend at all to your dh .

What a horrible betrayal. I would go nuclear on this one, so what if you were snooping.

I’d be giving him an ultimatum - her or me, and massively giving him a huge ‘conversation’ about it.
Fuck being scared to tell him you’ve seen messages. This has to stop.

You need confirming back on him. The snooping ( which you didnt do- he left his laptop open) is not worse than what he has done. Looking at someone's laptop is a breach of privacy, yet he has committed this in spades by disclosing your medical history to some woman he works with.

I actually feel a little sorry for people like this. She's spiteful and insecure, pretty much like other posters have said.

PP, I understand what she said has really cut you deep but take solace in the fact that her life seems empty. Happy and emotionally secure people don't say nasty things. Soon you will have a gorgeous baby. The early days are tough but NOTHING beats the joy of seeing your naby grow up.
I'm sure your husband loves you, he just seems utterly spineless. You need to address that. But ultimately, dont let this silly insecure girl get between you and your husband or take away the joy of what's to come ❤❤❤

Confront the bastard and don’t back down. How dare he laugh about the woman carrying is child in this cruel manner. Yes he might not back down and make light of it and it might be a long hard slog working through this.

But if you don’t draw the line now where does it end!

It doesn't matter how you found out - the point is, you did.

You seem to be afraid of his reaction. He should be afraid of yours!

I am sure none of the women here have ever joked with a friend about their husband's cock size. Never.

But imagine thats what you did, and he heard a snippet of it. He would be upset, but he would have taken it out of context.
It's exactly the same thing as this.

It's like your determined to pursue the OP to split from the husband and to be a single mum. I find that motivation disturbing.

Nanny0gg

Spot on.

Just caught up on the last few pages. Don’t make the mistake of demonising this woman and making that your main focus.

She sounds awful BUT... the blame lies squarely and solely with your husband. The betrayal is his, and his alone.

Deny the snooping, OP. It's your turn never to be wrong now! Tell him you know he left his laptop open on purpose so you would see the contempt he has for you - how could you miss it? - and rub your nose in the ridicule of his cruel friend.

Why would he leave it all openly on display if he didn't intend you to look and hope you would see and be hurt?

Be indignant and ask him what on earth is wrong with him!

Is there more to this OP. Is there some back story or reason other than looking at his computer that you are afraid of him. It does sound like it.

I would have kicked out a quick response to her message so that they both knew there were no secrets in your house.
Now you know what sort of man you live with. How much you can trust him to keep private stuff private and how he behaves when tempted into title tattle. It is not a joke that she knows about the effect of your bowel disease, your unpleasant internal and how it hurt, your most private and intimate information or anything else that goes on between husband and wife. That would be it for me I am afraid. Do you talk this dick size, his bedroom prowess or his toilet habits to some random in the office? Just how much has he told her?