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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To take kids to visit my mum on her birthday (from afar)

201 replies

Beingyellow · 04/04/2020 16:02

Ok I will probably get flamed but I'll put it out there anyway. I am all for following rules but also think common sense needs to prevail sometimes. So here's my scenario....

I have been going shopping for my mum. She is on her own now, less than a year since my dad died. She's in her 60s and it makes sense for me to shop and drop stuff off for her rather than us both shopping seperately during this period. I usually just put it on her doorstep, ring the bell and walk to my car and we shout across to each other to say hello etc. Only been twice so far as I shop once a week.

It's her birthday next week, so I planned to do the same as above but take the family with me when I drop it off (along with her present). We would all stand way back and not go near her.

Is this really that bad? I would have to come back and pick up family but its on the way to my mums anyway. My kids are old enough not to run over and hug etc...they understand (7, 9 and 11)

OP posts:
ItsPeanutButterJelly · 05/04/2020 12:36

Speak for yourself @myself2020. I'm not remotely miserable. I do my limited essential journeys and otherwise work during the week, play with my kids, watch a film in the evening. I don't fart arse around outside my house taking members of my family out with me unnecessarily. Simple

EnthusiasmIsDisturbed · 05/04/2020 12:47

There isn’t an interpretation of the guidelines if you follow them

There is if you are trying to bend them

EnthusiasmIsDisturbed · 05/04/2020 12:52

Here you go

  1. Staying at home
You should only leave the house for very limited purposes:

shopping for basic necessities, for example food and medicine, which must be as infrequent as possible.

one form of exercise a day, for example a run, walk, or cycle - alone or with members of your household.

any medical need, including to donate blood, avoid or escape risk of injury or harm, or to provide care or to help a vulnerable person.

travelling for work purposes, but only where you cannot work from home.

These reasons are exceptions - even when doing these activities, you should be minimising time spent outside of the home and ensuring you are 2 metres apart from anyone outside of your household.

These measures must be followed by everyone.

sleepingpup · 05/04/2020 13:00

Thanks Enthusiasm Hmm

have we reached peak Mumsnet here now?

EnthusiasmIsDisturbed · 05/04/2020 13:03

you are most welcome

SarahInAccounts · 05/04/2020 13:18

I haven’t demanded anything. I reap what I sow? Have you even read my posts? I am bloody sowing. Hope you get the pleasure. You are as thick as you sound.

As charming as I've come to expect. Pot - kettle, dear. Pathetic childish insults now. Are you stamping your foot?

Do you not think you were too hard on the OP?

Do grow up.

Batshittery · 05/04/2020 13:50

Abusing upset people is vile

Sarah these are your words, yet this is exactly what you are doing to the poster you said them to.
Regardless of the OP 's thread, you're behaviour is appalling imo.
You should be ashamed.

Batshittery · 05/04/2020 13:51

*your

SarahInAccounts · 05/04/2020 14:09

You should be ashamed.

Nope, not in the least, OP didn't deserve what was said. Wouldn''t have happened without that first vile post from Sparky.

Have you read what it said? And you're ok with it?

Fine if you are.

But I wasn't.

EnthusiasmIsDisturbed · 05/04/2020 14:21

Rather than some admitting actually I was in the wrong in supporting the op in thinking what she was doing is ok they would rather nit pick at someone who is an an awful position herself and understands through her own experience the terrible impact this virus is having on so many and why it’s essential we all follow the guidelines

Are you willing to admit you are in the wrong Sarah ?

SarahInAccounts · 05/04/2020 15:10

If I was, I would admit it. But Sparky sees nothing wrong in what she said and what I have said is mild by comparison.

So that's a nope.

OP came here with a perfectly reasonable question but the virus frothers couldn't wait to put the boot in. I'm sure what I said did upset Sparky but you shouldn't dish it out if you can't take it. know exactly how OP feels and she needed kind words not a tirade of abuse.

It isn't ok.

Batshittery · 05/04/2020 15:11

I did read it, and also read that same poster apologising to the OP (perhaps you missed that?) and offering some explanation for why she is so upset. Being separated from your children must be very hard. Perhaps we could cut others some slack. These are testing times for everyone.

Sparky87 · 05/04/2020 15:16

I wish I didn’t have reason to “put the boot in”. I can take it, I’m getting abuse daily. I am scared, my children are scared. All I want is for people to listen and stay home. I’m doing my best here.

Sparky87 · 05/04/2020 15:18

And I did apologise and admit I was wrong. I lashed out because I’m hurting and that was wrong of me so I apologised. I’ve seen people die from this virus and I am desperately trying to protect my family.

EnthusiasmIsDisturbed · 05/04/2020 15:22

Ok then Sarah the guildlines are not for you to follow or in your opinion the op

That’s cleared that up

Why governments worldwide have worked with experts in this matter when we have MN is a mystery to me the answer are all here

SarahInAccounts · 05/04/2020 15:39

Ok then Sarah the guildlines are not for you to follow or in your opinion the op

I'm shielded, of course I'm following the rules. We are lucky to have good neighbours to collect our click and collect shopping. They would not think their journey to collect our shopping was unnecessary, although someone in the village said it was. Maybe we should just starve. The rule fanatics are an annoyance.

But OP was shopping for a bereaved parent and letting her children wave when it was delivered. Compassion has to be used in such circumstances. There really was no appreciable risk. There has to be humanity within the rules for people like OP's mum.

DS1 should also be shielded and is working from home but he occasionally goes into the lab where they are carrying out Covid_19 research when it can't be avoided. He's breaking the rules but prepared to take the risk. They all stand well back.

We each have our worries.

Sparky, I didn't see your apology, If I had I'd have shut up. I'm sorry.

Batshittery · 05/04/2020 16:20

I hope things are ok for you and DS Sarah. And for the rest of us trying to do the right thing (whatever that may be)
I'm also in a 'vulnerable' group. We are all just trying to get through the best we can.

EnthusiasmIsDisturbed · 05/04/2020 16:47

Sarah I am glad for yourself you are following the guidelines we are allowed to help those who are vulnerable those saying not they need to read them

But compassion the guidelines does not allow for it simply can’t and it is tragic for so many it’s deeply sad for so many my cousins could not be with my lovely uncle when he died and that is absolutely heartbreaking for them (and we shall join an online funeral service - who would have thought it would come to this) as it is for so many at the moment

It’s absolutely awful for so many it’s hard for us all to take on the enormity of the situation we are all in. I’m hoping we do not have a stricter lockdown as it will mean life will be even harder for some

ItsPeanutButterJelly · 05/04/2020 17:47

It's not discretionary or hard to understand. Do the kids need to go? No? Then they stay at home

ItsPeanutButterJelly · 05/04/2020 17:50

If OP feels it's so important they need to go then they should go. I wonder if she does feel that. She's posting here asking, suggesting she knows it's not necessary.

If people were more civically minded and didn't have to be TOLD EXPLICITLY NOT TO DO something we wouldn't be facing a situation where none of us are trusted. Well soon need a slip of paper before we're allowed out of our house. Because people won't just STAY. AT. HOME.

The OP has to go out to help her mother. The kids don't. They should STAY AT HOME. As someone with parental responsibility (presumably?) its up to you to make sure they stay at
Home.

Witchlight · 05/04/2020 18:01

I think the problem is people twisting and contorting the rules to suit themselves and are seemingly unable to differentiate between want and need.

It is important that everyone stick to the rules, as well as the spirit of the rules. So even if all would benefit from the visit and it would be extremely unlikely to cause harm, it should not happen - sorry. This is because it is not needed, just wanted.

If the op does this, what’s to stop others feeling their wants should be satisfied to make them happier? It doesn’t keep within the spirit of current situation.

The op is, I’m sure a lovely person and trying to be a kind daughter, but now is the time for rule keeping, not rule twisting.

IncognitoIsMyFavouriteWord · 05/04/2020 18:02

*am all for following rules but also think common sense needs to prevail sometimes.

The rules are common sense ffs

SylvanianFrenemies · 05/04/2020 18:05

I am sticking rigidly to the rules, but can't get bothered about this. I hope your Mum has a nice birthday, hard at a time like this.

GiveItARestJosephine · 05/04/2020 18:19

Will the children stay in the car while you’re shopping? I think that would be my biggest worry.

hauntedvagina · 05/04/2020 18:28

I've been walking to may parents every few days with my children as part of their hours exercise. I leave shopping on the doorstep, knock the door, then stand halfway down their drive and have a brief conversation. I've been doing the same with my Grandad too.

If I had to drive to make the visit... probably not.

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