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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To take kids to visit my mum on her birthday (from afar)

201 replies

Beingyellow · 04/04/2020 16:02

Ok I will probably get flamed but I'll put it out there anyway. I am all for following rules but also think common sense needs to prevail sometimes. So here's my scenario....

I have been going shopping for my mum. She is on her own now, less than a year since my dad died. She's in her 60s and it makes sense for me to shop and drop stuff off for her rather than us both shopping seperately during this period. I usually just put it on her doorstep, ring the bell and walk to my car and we shout across to each other to say hello etc. Only been twice so far as I shop once a week.

It's her birthday next week, so I planned to do the same as above but take the family with me when I drop it off (along with her present). We would all stand way back and not go near her.

Is this really that bad? I would have to come back and pick up family but its on the way to my mums anyway. My kids are old enough not to run over and hug etc...they understand (7, 9 and 11)

OP posts:
Aragog · 04/04/2020 16:36

If they are staying far away and you would have been making the essential journey of delivering food anyway then I can't really see the issue of them singing Happy Birthday from next to the car.

Its DD's 18th tomorrow and I know her boyfriend will be doing similar. His mum already had a journey to make this weekend in this area (classed as necessary), so it is a 2 minute detour at most. He will get out and drop the gift at the door and ring the bell. Then when he's in the car again she will go out and get her gift and they will wave to one another.

All safe and all not risky. The journey was already being made bar 2 minutes out of their way.

Original poster
Beingyellow · 04/04/2020 16:37

Thanks for all the answers. I am glad some people think about it with some common sense. Trust me, I'm taking it all really seriously. I guess the only thing I don't like is when people say 'what about staying at home do people not understand ' we are home 99% of the time, I understand perfectly well. People still need food, people still need exercise. No I do not 'need' to take my kids with me but me going alone would be an essential journey. Taking my kids is not going to increase the likelihood of the virus spreading which is the overall point of this lockdown.

OP posts:
Distressingtimes · 04/04/2020 16:40

Dropping off supplies to vulnerable is an essential journey I thought?

But stretching the rules and taking kids along isn’t. Why is there one rule for you and one rule for everyone else?

HCP here and I’m sick of it. Bank holidays cancelled, annual leave cancelled and yet another ‘I’m just going to ignore all advice and...’

STAY AT HOME.

I am a nurse in the NHS. I am responsible for 2000 plus staff who are caring for COVID 19 patients. I am anxious for their well-being and safety. I cannot tell you how many sleepless nights I have thinking about our patients and how the amount we have lost already. We are doing everything to make sure they are not alone

I have worked for 16 days without a day off. I am exhausted and there is no end in sight. We cannot take any leave. Yesterday to hear the deaths of members of my profession is heartbreaking

^ From another thread. www.mumsnet.com/Talk/coronavirus/3870890-Grandchildren-are-next-door?pg=2

To take kids to visit my mum on her birthday (from afar)
WidowTwonky · 04/04/2020 16:42

Taking the kids out in the car is unnecessarily putting you all at additional risk

SarahInAccounts · 04/04/2020 16:44

Unfortunately this is non essential and should not happen.

You did read she was taking her food? So very essential.

Ignore the nay sayers, OP. No one is in any danger. Some people really need to get a grip.

Next door has a terminal illness. She doesn't have much time left. Twice a week different sons visit with their children and go down the side of the house to the garden to waves to her and shout hello.

No one is in any danger. No mixing of households. And essential for their mental health.

WidowTwonky · 04/04/2020 16:47

Ignore the nay sayers, OP. No one is in any danger. Some people really need to get a grip

Eh?? What?? No one is in any danger?? People are dying

Justasecondnow · 04/04/2020 16:50

Vote for do it.

Newkitchen123 · 04/04/2020 16:57

No one plans to have a car accident.
Say you had a car accident doing your essential food shop for mum. One person in A and E
Now say you have the same accident with the kids in the car....
Now do you get it?

SunshineCake · 04/04/2020 16:58

A five year old has died in the UK.

A tiny baby has died in the US.

Every hour people are dying.

Some of those dying have had people visit them as their relatives thought they were so special the rules didn't apply to them.

Visit your mum with your kids as long as you can live with potentially killing her.

How many bloody threads will there be? It's not do what the fuck you want as long as you stay two metres away. It is stay at home and IF you GENUINELY need to go out stay two metres plus away from anyone else.

This isn't like flu. You may get it mildly and be fine. I have it moderately and felt so ill and breathless I honestly thought I could die. I am still in bed after eleven days. I've seen no one but my family. I am doing what needs to do to see other people in a few months rather than having to visit their grave.

Come on. Enough now.

Original poster
Beingyellow · 04/04/2020 17:04

Thats a good point NewKitchen hadn't thought of that.

Sunshinecake you on the otherhand obviously didn't read the OP or any other posts.

OP posts:
twinkle2306 · 04/04/2020 17:04

@SarahInAccounts bringing food counts as essential however the whole family should not be present. Goodness sake, as others have said a 5 year old has now died, you are increasing the amount of people who would be at risk of you broke down or had an accident. OP needs to realise that lots of people would like to do this, lots of people have missed loved ones birthdays but we have to try and limit this as much as possible not potentially enable it

WickedlyPetite · 04/04/2020 17:06

If I saw this happening at my neighbours I wouldn't call the police or anything but being completely honest I would think the accompanying adult was a dickhead.

But hey - the UK is full of people deciding that what they want to do is not going to increase the likelihood of the virus spreading. It's still spreading.

JaneTheVirgin · 04/04/2020 17:07

@Distressingtimes

100% Everhthing she said.

Sick of you all in your privileged bubbles doing whatever you can to break and bend whatever rules you decide.

Meanwhile a nurse I have known for years died this week. Probably outing but I'm beyond caring.

But hey you all get your oh so essential journeys in so great!!

Wehttam · 04/04/2020 17:07

Don’t be that fool OP that opens the curtains in blackout.

You know it’s a bad idea when you’re asking a bunch of strangers who have zero credibility or attachment to your family situation for their blessing.

Stay away, for your mums sake more than anything.

SarahInAccounts · 04/04/2020 17:11

Eh?? What?? No one is in any danger?? People are dying

Not from waving through a window. Calm down, FFS.

Now say you have the same accident with the kids in the car....

And say aliens abduct your first born. Statistically very unlikely.

Undecided91 · 04/04/2020 17:14

Just do it. Be glad to have your mum in the same country . If I could visit mine (lives abroad) i would 1000% do it x

Original poster
Beingyellow · 04/04/2020 17:14

Jane I'm really sorry about your friend. I truly am. The last thing i want is for the virus to spread more which is part of the reason I posted this before deciding if it was worth it. NewKitchen obviously made a good point though.

By the way ive barely been out....apart from to get shopping. Most exercise we do is in the garden so as not to come close to people. I'm trying to do my bit. Thats part of the reason I shop for my mum....so there is one less person at the shops.

I genuinely couldn't think of a reason why this would spread the virus.

OP posts:
Frankiecandle · 04/04/2020 17:16

So she stops dropping her mums shopping off then? Because that's not essential?

Users5685 · 04/04/2020 17:17

do it , I did it will my mom. Especially if you're keeping your distance, it's fine

Batshittery · 04/04/2020 17:17

Dropping off supplies to vulnerable is an essential journey I thought?

Being in her 60's does not mean she is vulnerable.

bridgetreilly · 04/04/2020 17:19

I think it's fine in the circumstance you describe. You'd be doing the journey anyway, to drop off her essential shopping, and you'll all stay far enough away. It'll be nice for them to wave and sing happy birthday to her in person.

Ponoka7 · 04/04/2020 17:20

Personally OP, depending on what traffic/the journey is like, I'd do it. I think the mental health boost is worth it. The danger is from the car accident not infection.

elphycat, i don't see how you could leave them for so long at their ages. Under normal circumstances were they could go to a neighbour/friend/relative if something happened, it would be ok, but not now.

My DD (22) was fine yesterday, going to work etc. She felt a bit hot, then her throat was on fire and within two hours she was having dizzy spells. She's eating nothing but ice lollies, sleeping and taking other medicines. It was worrying how fast it came on and of course we don't know what it is, but she's normally very healthy and the extra precautions means that she shouldn't have been able to pick up just a throat infection.

NailsNeedDoing · 04/04/2020 17:24

If I had a small, totally non contact way to make a women who is in isolation having just lost her husband happy, then I’d do it. Your poor mum, she’s going through one of the most emotionally painful things us humans have to endure, is entirely alone in isolation, and is facing her first birthday without her husband.

You know none of you would be close enough to transmit the virus even if you did have it. The chances of you not only having a car accident, but having a car accident bad enough for you to need hospital, are minuscule. The chances of this making a painful day slightly happier for your mum are huge. We need to allow this to be bearable for people, as well as be sensible.

opticaldelusion · 04/04/2020 17:25

Jeez, don't ask on here, OP. You can't even go in your own garden according to mumsnet else you're a MURDERER.

ListenWhy · 04/04/2020 17:26

If you were to have a car accident on the way then it would take 1 ambulance and a hospital bed & staff for you. Add your kids into the mix... More resources which are at breaking point already.

You talk of common sense. Use some. Do not take them.