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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To take kids to visit my mum on her birthday (from afar)

201 replies

Beingyellow · 04/04/2020 16:02

Ok I will probably get flamed but I'll put it out there anyway. I am all for following rules but also think common sense needs to prevail sometimes. So here's my scenario....

I have been going shopping for my mum. She is on her own now, less than a year since my dad died. She's in her 60s and it makes sense for me to shop and drop stuff off for her rather than us both shopping seperately during this period. I usually just put it on her doorstep, ring the bell and walk to my car and we shout across to each other to say hello etc. Only been twice so far as I shop once a week.

It's her birthday next week, so I planned to do the same as above but take the family with me when I drop it off (along with her present). We would all stand way back and not go near her.

Is this really that bad? I would have to come back and pick up family but its on the way to my mums anyway. My kids are old enough not to run over and hug etc...they understand (7, 9 and 11)

OP posts:
thegreylady · 04/04/2020 23:20

I am 76 and dh 83 both with several health conditions. If we need shopping I ring my dd and she gets bread etc and tells me she is on the way.I hang a wiped carrier bag over the fence. She puts shopping in bag and rings me. I open the living room window, she sits in her car with window open and we exchange a few words then she drives off. It means so much and we are always more than 10 feet apart. When she has gone I get the carrier bag and take it in.

SuburbanFraggle · 04/04/2020 23:22

They're all old enough to understand no hugs, no running up the street and splitting your chin open, and no stops for a bottle of water

The point is. Maybe OP is the magical one person who will not have a fender bender, whose three year old understands not to hug granny, whose children never trip, whose children never cause an accident by screaming and arguing in the car. Maybe OP never gives into whining to go into the petrol station shop.

Fine.

But then fifty other people then also feel entitled to go out.

Those 3000 people in the London park probably all thought they were the only ones going out, so it would be ok as it wouldn't be crowded.

ItsPeanutButterJelly · 04/04/2020 23:23

People saying "they're not getting out of the car" "just do it" etc. are missing the point completely.

OP might think it's just two more people in her car. Someone else might think "it's just one non-essential journey" and someone else thinks "it's just xxxxx". Suddenly a whole town or city who thinks like these selfish "just do it, what's the harm hahahaha" people fills roads up with cars like pre-lockdown, fill up parks on a sunny day, etc and not only do cases spike but A&Es are under strain from car accidents, pedestrians getting knocked down, minor accidents, etc. The lockdown, which we should ALL be adhering to, is designed to minimise the chance of covid19 spreading but also of any avoidable strain on NHS resources

OP, for gods sake leave the kids at home. And all you people who think those advising OP to do this are "CovidNaxis". PLEASE start taking this seriously and think about the cumulative impacts of your actions. If we all behave like you more people will die for no reason

Applejaxx · 04/04/2020 23:23

A 60 something woman who has recently been bereaved callmeadoctor if you’d bothered to read the thread properly you’d know that..

As for the comment about the community group, how the hell do you know if there’s one in her area? Quite frankly that comment is stupid.

ItsPeanutButterJelly · 04/04/2020 23:24
  • The point is. Maybe OP is the magical one person who will not have a fender bender, whose three year old understands not to hug granny, whose children never trip, whose children never cause an accident by screaming and arguing in the car. Maybe OP never gives into whining to go into the petrol station shop.

Fine.

But then fifty other people then also feel entitled to go out.

Those 3000 people in the London park probably all thought they were the only ones going out, so it would be ok as it wouldn't be crowded.*

This

Applejaxx · 04/04/2020 23:25

I’m convinced some posters on here are working for the government or the police. It’s like they are all reading from a script. Lots of repetition of the same phrases and points over and over again.

Crazy times!

Original poster
Beingyellow · 04/04/2020 23:26

Why on earth would it be any safer for someone else to do her shopping for her? I'm in the same town and at least I know where ive been which is absolutely no where apart from my weekly shop.

Its not that shes incapable. Before this I would take her along with me shopping or she would nip up herself quite happily. To minimise the risk it makes sense for me to just pick her up stuff. Or do you think its better an extra person is at the shops instead just because she's not officially 'vulnerable'.

Thegreylady I am glad you get some hapiness from seeing your daughter. I worry so much about the effect on everyones mental health throughout this.

OP posts:
SuburbanFraggle · 04/04/2020 23:28

Do her shopping. Fine.

Don't pile three children into a car for no good reason. It's not 1950. Facetime her. Get them to work on a special birthday song.

Sparky87 · 04/04/2020 23:31

I am isolated without my children. Ffs you and your mother can bloody cope. It’s not essential and all the mindsets exactly like yours are the fucking problem. Get a grip. Stay. At. Home

Sparky87 · 04/04/2020 23:32

My kids are 8, 11 and 12. I don’t know when or even if I’ll ever see them again because idiots like this don’t understand staying at home. I could cry with frustration.

ItsPeanutButterJelly · 04/04/2020 23:34

@applejax - hmm, yeah. It's almost like there's a crystal fucking clear message there somewhere if you're not spending your days trying to find loopholes

ItsPeanutButterJelly · 04/04/2020 23:36

@Sparky87 - sorry :( that sounds unbearable.

I think about how great it will be when I go for a meal out or to the beach for the first time. I can't imagine how much you must be missing your kids

EnthusiasmIsDisturbed · 04/04/2020 23:36

Those intent on arguing it’s fine

Don’t you think we would all like to do something against the guidelines

When I have had a challenging day at work (everyday single day at the moment) I would love to go for a long drive. I find it relaxes me to just drive nowhere in particular often I would get a coffee and stop somewhere quiet

I would love to do this right now I feel it’s something I need to do but I simply can’t

We are all having a rubbish time

raviolidreaming · 04/04/2020 23:36

applejax- hmm, yeah. It's almost like there's a crystal fucking clear message there somewhere if you're not spending your days trying to find loopholes

Exactly.

yearinyearout · 04/04/2020 23:37

Jeez, of course it's bloody fine, you're taking the shopping anyway! I'm pretty sure you can work out for yourself that taking the family with you on a trip you'd be doing anyway to drop of supplies, is causing no extra risk to you or anyone else. It will cheer your mum no end to have you all outside singing happy birthday! Ignore the deranged contingent on here who will try and say you're being unreasonable. Happy birthday to your mum.

ItsPeanutButterJelly · 04/04/2020 23:39

I'm pretty sure you can work out for yourself that taking the family with you on a trip you'd be doing anyway to drop of supplies, is causing no extra risk to you or anyone else. I

This is the sort of logic we're up against

EnthusiasmIsDisturbed · 04/04/2020 23:40

Sparky87 I’m sorry things are so awful for you Sad

SuburbanFraggle · 04/04/2020 23:40

is causing no extra risk to you or anyone else

Rtft

yearinyearout · 04/04/2020 23:42

Did you lot not read the post?? She is going anyway to drop off her mum's shopping! She isn't doing an extra trip, or a non essential trip, or driving when she wouldn't be anyway. She's protecting her more vulnerable mother by shopping for her. It's like you just can't be arsed to read anything other than the thread title and you've all been brainwashed by a cult.

SuburbanFraggle · 04/04/2020 23:43

This is the sort of logic we're up against

100 IQ is standard. There are many people, still functional adults, way below that. I think officially 70 gets you classified special needs. But those in the 70s, 80s 90s struggle to grasp why there is extra risk if considering yourself an exception is normalised.

Applejaxx · 04/04/2020 23:45

No they didn’t read the post. They just like getting their knickers in a twist over people not following them rules’. All common sense gone!

You can certainly tell who the teachers pets, petty jobsworths, snitches are from all of this.

SuburbanFraggle · 04/04/2020 23:45

Did you lot not read the post?? She is going anyway to drop off her mum's shopping!

The thread isn't "can I drop off mums shopping?" It's "shall I put my three children in the car to go and wave at granny and probably not hug her?"

Original poster
Beingyellow · 04/04/2020 23:46

Sparky I'm sorry about your situation. I would hate to be apart from my kids at this time. But lets be straight. No one is entitled to tell someone else what they can and can't cope with. You have no idea how my mum is feeling at the moment. You are on your own and terribly upset. My mum is also on her own at a time where she is still suffering from terrible grief. And honestly I would say that no. She is not coping well at all.

OP posts:
Applejaxx · 04/04/2020 23:47

Suburban that is your frankly one of the most disgusting things I’ve ever read on here. How fucking dare you make a comment like that.

Jenala · 04/04/2020 23:48

Staying in the car and waving to your mum on her front door seems less risky to me than when I walk down my street past multiple huffing runners. I don't understand, the rules aren't there for the sake of them. They are there to stop the virus spreading. If everyone sits in a car and waves, the virus won't spread.

The only good argument here not to do this is the concern around a traffic accident. I think that point alone might be enough to stop me in your shoes. The whole 'zomg drop spreading the virus' thing is bullshit as doing this (provided no accident) won't spread anything

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