Looking after friends child during labour- WWYD?

[Desperatelyseekingsleep12]

A friend of mine is due to give birth in ten days and has a 3- year old daughter. She and her partner don’t have any family that are local, so she has asked me to come over and be with her daughter when she goes to the hospital to give birth. Her husband will be going with her and our local hospital is still allowing one birthing partner. However, is it permissible for me to go into her home and look after her child? My family have been very strictly following the government guidance so it doesn’t sit well with me, but then again, if I refuse to do this, she’ll have to give birth alone. Do any of you have any advice? What would you do?

For myself it would be extremely irresponsible of me to support a friend in this way at present as I am caring for those with COVID-19 so my risk of being a carrier are much higher

As with many people who are still working if you are at a higher risk of being a carrier then you really shouldn’t be supporting a family in this way

The op and her family and friends family haven’t quite self isolated but have had very little contact with others so their risks are much lower

It’s not just about a women giving birth alone it’s the risk of all of us being carriers and passing the virus on. Some are at a much higher risk of being carriers, some because of their own health issues or their families health issues have to be extremely careful

I think many have just thought yes I would do that because it’s very emotive without giving it much thought of them potentially being a carrier too. It’s a question that all would have to think very carefully about (unless you and family have self isolated for 14 days)

The health service has also abandoned them cancelling planned csections

Please stop repeating this rumour. It is not true. Elective caesareans are still taking place.

My friend’s cancer surgery has been postponed indefinitely. There’s a very good chance she’ll die

That’s awful, but it’s not the case where I am. Yes, many cancer patients have been asked to delay their surgeries/treatments, but not those who are in most urgent need. It’s terrifying to think that U.K. citizens receive such different levels of care depending on where you live.

Please stop repeating this rumour. It is not true. Elective caesareans are still taking place

They are certainly still taking place where I live.

But Blunt how would you get to hospital in labour? Would you drag your bags up to the ward yourself? And the car seat? They still won't let you leave without baby in a car seat btw. When I left because I'd been kept in the midwife carried my car seat down while I carried my bags. DH stayed in the car with older DC otherwise they would have asked him to come and collect me from the ward door. Would you be isolating you and new baby for 14 days on your return home? No? Then how is your DH presenting a higher risk than you are to your family.

The only people your DH would come into contact with that you wouldn't would be people he passed on the way out if you were kept in?

DH came with me, he carried my bags up because I couldn't, he then remained in the room with me the entire time, he was even to use my toilet to keep him minimally exposed when normally they have to leave the ward for the loo.

I just think all these people commenting calling a heavily pregnant woman unreasonable for not birthing alone aren't thinking it through!

OP if you want to help, help. Don't feel forced to but do let them know asap.

I would do it. Even if people in the household had symptoms as my family isn't particularly at risk, admittedly.

Yes, but then you do expose your friend and her newborn the risk of contracting it from you via her toddler. It does work both ways.

The health service has also abandoned them cancelling planned csections

There is a whole thread on here outlining procedures that have been cancelled. It does make for scary reading. Cancer therapies, post-op checks for people who have undergone heart surgery, chemotherapy. Even smear tests - how many times are we warned we need to go for those regularly?

I haven't seen one person say they've had a c section cancelled. I actually saw mention of cancelled c sections in a BBC article the other day, and I was shocked. Zero facts to back it up. This goes against everything I have been told by my consultant and midwives.

My friend’s cancer surgery has been postponed indefinitely. There’s a very good chance she’ll die

She’ll need an ITU bed and they can’t guarantee one. We’re hoping radiotherapy will help ...

Apologies if someone has made the point and I've missed it, but all the people saying about having a midwife there, surely for much of the labouring the woman would be alone? I begged my husband to get a midwife to me and it turned out I was 8cm dilated - I'd had 2 paracetamol at home and hadn't been offered any pain relief and much less an examination since being admitted. Apart from showing us to the room, a midwife hadn't even spoken to us. That was in an average sized hospital in a average sized town on an average day in summer last year. If they were short staffed then (and they said they were), imagine what it would be like now. That's why I'd want a birth partner, so I could guarantee I wouldn't be alone.

I’ve not read all the posts but just in case - I’m pregnant and actually confirmed with my midwife about whether it’s okay/allowed for someone to look after my daughters while my husbands stays with me during birth, and she said it’s absolutely fine and no one would suffer any legal consequences or anything :) also thank you for agreeing to do it, the idea of being alone at a time like that physically terrifies me, you’re a really good person :)

I'm also in this position, trying to decide between asking friends to look after our eldest child or DH having him and me labouring alone. Although we already have children, this is my first pregnancy so would be my first labour.

It upsets me when people seem to assume that pregnant women are just being selfish or asserting their 'rights' in having a birth partner. I am torn by the risks to myself, my kids and the people who might look after them. I'm also totally torn by the thought that we might spread the virus to medical staff, thus meaning that the women who deliver after me might have even less care. In many ways I would find it so much easier if they banned birth partners entirely as the decision would be made for me.

That said, all of the midwives I've raised the issue with have been nothing but encouraging of DH being present and haven't given any indication that it would be preferable for him not to be. I also really think that there could also be a significant safety factor in having a birth partner present - obviously my DH is not medically trained but the more support he is able to give me (within reason, obviously!) the more the midwives (already understaffed) are able to devote their time and attention elsewhere.

Yes I would do this. I will be having a c-section in mid July and have four older DC. Really concerned I’ll have to do it alone and DH will have to stay home with them. No idea how he’d collect us from hospital though if DC wouldn’t be allowed in... It’s such a scary time to be pregnant right now.

I think in this very specific situation, it would class as assisting a vulnerable person - the three year old can't stay alone, and your friend needs the support of her partner. If both households have been properly self isolating, the risk of any of you passing anything to someone else are very low.