Looking after friends child during labour- WWYD?

[Desperatelyseekingsleep12]

A friend of mine is due to give birth in ten days and has a 3- year old daughter. She and her partner don’t have any family that are local, so she has asked me to come over and be with her daughter when she goes to the hospital to give birth. Her husband will be going with her and our local hospital is still allowing one birthing partner. However, is it permissible for me to go into her home and look after her child? My family have been very strictly following the government guidance so it doesn’t sit well with me, but then again, if I refuse to do this, she’ll have to give birth alone. Do any of you have any advice? What would you do?

I would do it

It’s about risk not the law or guidelines or friendships

As both families have had minimal contact the risk is reduced hopefully shall stay that way

For those who think they is a massive risk - what are you advocating the expectant mother do after she gives birth if having attended the hospital is such a massive risk that the OP can't even be in the same building when the mother and father return?

She goes in alone, delivers baby alone and then...self isolated with the newborn for two weeks somewhere else in case she has picked it up in hospital before returning to her husband and toddler?

It's not Ebola. the risk here to anyone of death is tiny - possibly less than the combined risk of driving to a hospital and giving birth, both activities that kill people on a daily basis as well. Both families have been self isolating in advance. No one is in a high risk category.

I'd do it without question and I'm in the vulnerable group.

Good decision OP, I would do it too.

I wouldn't. It's not safe for you or them. I know of at least one woman who has had to give birth without her partner this week.

I would do this, assuming I had no specific medical risk factors. The current measures are about minimising direct contact with other people. Sometimes direct contact is essential, such as when a vulnerable individual (in this case a small child) needs to be cared for.

This is such a hard situation. I’m in it at the moment.

I’m due to give birth any day but my husband is staying home with my older DC and I’m going alone. I’m too worried about the extra risk of someone coming into my home and passing on the virus to my kids....who could then pass it on to me and newborn.

However, if I had someone close who had been isolating then I would definitely take them up on the offer as I don’t want to do it on my own!

Assuming I have no health issues, then I would ask them to strictly isolated at home for 7 days before due date (And I would do the same. Then, yes I would do this. To give birth alone is not something I would want for anyone.

I've had three friends deliver this week and they've all gone in alone. They're all fine but it makes me so sad for them. I'd only do it if both households had been isolating for two weeks (and as we are unable to, I wouldn't).

@JasonPollock I'm thinking of those vulnerable people getting unwittingly infected by the OP or vice versa
and those they might infect in turn

I absolutely would do this in a heartbeat
It’s no different from what I do every day in the nursery I work in
I’ve had 4 new children start this week as their normal childcare has closed
Caring for the vulnerable is allowed

The OH is available to look after the child, so childcare is available

Of course if the friend were an SP, that would be different

Yes I would. I would social distance even more rigorously than usual in the run up to the birth, though.

Oh my god you work in a nursery and you are not aware that you are at a higher risk of being a carrier

Seriously 🙄

I gave birth 'alone' with a midwife present start to finish. An incredible experience with one person who knew every second exactly what to do - I just cannot imagine anyone in the world who would have been better than her.

Well you were lucky, my midwife was a bitch.

I think that this comes under care of a vulnerable person and is fine. Hospitals are still allowing birthing partners and the national posters for hospitals state that.

I'm glad you still feel able to support your friend. If she was worried about you passing it on to her and no longer wished you to care for her child that would be different. But she does want you to, and frankly one lot of emergency childcare per pregnant woman is not the primary issue in the spread of this pandemic.

Some people are missing that Covid-19 isn’t the only risk factor to consider. There is also the matter that a woman giving birth without a supportive birth partner has raised risks of needing interventions or receiving birth injuries, as does her child.
In my immediate friendship group we’ve had a video chat with our pregnant friend to work out the plan with the least risk for both her family and whoever helps them. (As it can no longer be grandparents for obvious reasons.) Right now that’s me going to look after their older DC, because I’ve already had, and recovered from, Covid-19. But in case I’m not able to we then have a back up of another friend who has no underlying conditions and has self isolated for several weeks without even going to the shops.
The question to be asking, OP, is whether you’re the most suitable of her friends to go to help, and if so what you can do and they can do to lower the risks for each other.

@AnotherEmma

Good
Bloody
Point

My midwife was lovely but the nurse or whoever it was who was supposed to help me shower after (one leg was entirely numb and unusable due to the failed fucking epidural) was a cunt who threw a tiny flannel at me and refused to help me into the shower or anything else. If DH hadnt been there I don’t know how I would have managed.

The actual midwife being a bitch...would be a huge disaster if you were alone.

I'd have her. She's home so unlikely carrying the virus. We still have to be realistic and it's important for women to have a positive birth experience. I think partner's should be allowed in as normal anyway unless they have symptoms. If the man's a risk then so is the women. When I was in I was lucky my partner was around to buy me food, fetch more clothes, buy me a drink from downstairs and just support me when I was weak afterwards. I feel so sorry for mums to be.

"The actual midwife being a bitch...would be a huge disaster if you were alone."

Yep. It was bad enough with DH there.

@AnotherEmma

I can imagine - I’m so sorry for you!

I would do it yes, possibly in my home if possible. Particularly if both families have been pretty much home for a couple of weeks and none were in high risk profession

crispysausagerolls
Thank you. I'm pregnant again and I have a doula this time - we'll see what the rules are about birth partners when I'm due to give birth Whatever happens, my birth plan will specify that I do not want the bitch midwife anywhere near me!