Looking after friends child during labour- WWYD?

[Desperatelyseekingsleep12]

A friend of mine is due to give birth in ten days and has a 3- year old daughter. She and her partner don’t have any family that are local, so she has asked me to come over and be with her daughter when she goes to the hospital to give birth. Her husband will be going with her and our local hospital is still allowing one birthing partner. However, is it permissible for me to go into her home and look after her child? My family have been very strictly following the government guidance so it doesn’t sit well with me, but then again, if I refuse to do this, she’ll have to give birth alone. Do any of you have any advice? What would you do?

I would 100%, provided no one in either household is high risk and both households have been following the guidelines so far.

This would count as caring.

There wouldn't be any decision to make, if it were me. I would do it unquestioningly.

You sound like a good friend I'm going in alone my mums refused to have my two boys she has no underlying health conditions and is 62 but a hypacondriact and is convinced my children will give her it even though we have been isolated for 2 weeks and so has she I'm feeling ok about it now it's got to be done will be glad to get bk home I would definitely help my friend in this situation .

It’s looking after someone vulnerable.

Both a woman in labour and a three year old are vulnerable.

Therefore you are allowed to look after her

And it’s up to you whether you think the risk is less having her at your house or going there

And of course the partner should be with the labouring woman to support her at the most vulnerable moment of her life

I wouldn’t do it. It irritates me no end that people are constantly looking for ways to squirm their way round the guidelines.

I would do it unless anyone in either household is on extremely vulnerable list.

I'd not be happy at all but I think I'd do it.
I'd feel happier if the 3yr old came to my house though.

if I refuse to do this, she’ll have to give birth alone

She won't give birth alone - there will be a midwife with her.

Banning all birth partners is a profound restriction on a woman’s right to choose who should give her essential support during a life-changing experience, and also on a partner’s right to be present at the birth of their child.

But it increases the risk of infection for the hospital staff, and for any other patients they are caring for.

Sometimes we have to forgo our "rights" and think about our responsibilities.

@AnotherEmma I totally and utterly agree. Woman can feel so vulnerable at the time of giving birth and need to know that a trusting adult they know that can advocate their wants and needs is there.
OP If no one is showing symptoms, there's no reason why you can't look after the three year old.

I'd do it. But it's your call..

If both households have been isolating as much as possible for at least the preceding two weeks and there are no vulnerable people in either, then yes I would, as an exceptional situation.

Also, the majority of second babies are born fairly quickly and at night so it’s entirely possible that you wouldn’t need to be within 2 metres of anyone.

Even if the child is awake there are ways of reducing close contact.

TheFuckingDogs
"It really sounds like some of the MN sadists are relishing the thought of telling women they’ll have to give birth alone"
Exactly. The nastiness and disrespect towards other women shown by some mumsnetters knows no bounds.

I’m sat here reading this at 31 weeks pregnant with a 2 year old. I cannot believe all the people on here who think it’s ok to leave a women on her own with out any familiar support! Seriously, put yourself in that situation! Of course I’d understand saying no if looking after the child put a vulnerable person at risk but the OP doesn’t say that is the case.

100% I wouldn't want to be alone and if I could prevent someone else from been on their own I would help in a heartbeat x

Yes, absolutely, I would do it provided no one at high risk in my household and I had not myself at higher risk of infection.

The poor woman is vulnerable and the child needs care. That trumps guidelines at present.

I think the potential vulnerability is the other way around. The OP could be taking anything into the house and then they would be bringing home a newborn.

It's an awful situation but I think on that basis I think it would be better for the dad to stay at home.

What @Honeyroar said

I would do this. This definitely falls under looking after someone vulnerable, it is not outside of the guidelines. It's not "looking for ways to bend the rules" or any of the other crazy stuff I'm reading here.

I’d class that as looking after a vulnerable person so yes

We’re in a similar position. At the moment, my husband can still be with me when I give birth. We plan to drop our two year old off at my parents on the way to the hospital. These are exceptional circumstances. I’m a very resilient and practical person, and very independent in a lot of ways, but the thought of giving birth alone really does upset me. We’re all self isolating as much as possible in the run up, and will do afterwards too. I hope to be in hospital for as little time as possible, give birth and get home if we can. It’s the best we can do under the circumstances. I am really scared at the prospect of doing this alone. Until the advice changes, then this is what we will be doing.

I would but who knows whats going o happen before then. If you or them have any symptoms. Total no. Might be no birthing partners by then anywAy but she have the midwifes. Case of preparing for lots of different situations.

I would do it, but I'd have her DD at your house instead of you going to their house.

both a woman in labour and a three year old child are vunerable No one would deny this, but the point about limiting birth partners access is that midwives are also vulnerable. The more people the more risk of infection.

If a team of midwives are exposed to someone who has the virus then not only are they (and their families) put at risk but the pregnant women they would be caring for in the next few weeks while the midwives are in lockdown, are also put at risk, being unable to access ante natal care, care during labour or post natal care. There are not infinite numbers of midwives available to step into the breach, it would only take a couple of instances of exposure to completely shut down a maternity unit because there simply wouldn't be enough midwives to provide cover.

It's hard , but if adequate maternity services are to be maintained for the next few months then everyone has to use whatever means possible to safeguard them. I think the priority has to be protecting midwife numbers, and if it becomes necessary then I think women will have to accept that having birth partners present at all might not be viable in the not too distant future.

I’d do it too, and have told a friend due in August that we’ll do the same if things are still the same by then, as her parents are vulnerable and best for them not to do it. We do need to have perspective- in my view a trusted birth partner is a safety issue as much as anything- mums needs to feel safe and secure to have the best chance of birthing safely. Fear increases the likelihood of interventions and more hospital staff being involved.