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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Looking after friends child during labour- WWYD?

188 replies

Desperatelyseekingsleep12 · 04/04/2020 13:39

A friend of mine is due to give birth in ten days and has a 3- year old daughter. She and her partner don’t have any family that are local, so she has asked me to come over and be with her daughter when she goes to the hospital to give birth. Her husband will be going with her and our local hospital is still allowing one birthing partner. However, is it permissible for me to go into her home and look after her child? My family have been very strictly following the government guidance so it doesn’t sit well with me, but then again, if I refuse to do this, she’ll have to give birth alone. Do any of you have any advice? What would you do?

OP posts:
Bythebeach · 04/04/2020 13:58

I think it’s worth a discussion- after all you’d be increasing risk in their household with a newborn too. And whilst it’s not ideal, unless she’s extremely anxious, it may be do-able for her to birth alone. A friend of mine is choosing to do this and leave her husband with her older two in a few weeks.

Aderyn19 · 04/04/2020 13:58

I would do it. Your friend needs you and so long as both households have been really careful, I think risk is low. You are allowed to help people in medical need and this qualifies imo. Giving birth alone could have lifelong repercussions for her, especially if something goes wrong.

JuanSheetIsPlenty · 04/04/2020 13:59

Her partner needs to stay home and look after their child. It’s shit but this situation is shit for so many. No-one should have many expectations that it won’t be shit for them too.

You can’t mix households. There is a perfectly valid option for them to have their child looked after. You being in their home is absolutely non essential so shouldn’t happen.

Abraid2 · 04/04/2020 14:00

You're allowed to go into people to help with 'care' if they are vulnerable, which a child would be. Partners are allowed to be with their wives while they're giving birth, but not afterwards, on wards.

JuanSheetIsPlenty · 04/04/2020 14:00

any expectations

sharonmarron · 04/04/2020 14:01

Yes just do it. No woman should have to give birth alone. These are exceptional circumstances and nobody would even consider penalizing you for it. People need to use common sense to decide if something warrants breaking the official rules- the government cannot be expected to have the time to lay out every single possible exception to the rules.

Abraid2 · 04/04/2020 14:03

And this is what it says on the gov.uk site:

Parents should not rely for childcare upon those who are advised to be in the stringent social distancing category such as grandparents, friends, or family members with underlying conditions.

Assuming OP isn't any of these?

JasonPollack · 04/04/2020 14:03

Looking after someone vulnerable is allowed for within the guidance.

All hospitals are different, mine is still allowing one birth partner during labour.

It depends on your family circumstance to me- is anyone in your household shielding? If not then I would do it.

Sparklingplasters · 04/04/2020 14:04

I would go round to look after 3 year old, I would self isolate in advance though.

Abraid2 · 04/04/2020 14:04

And this is what it says on the RCOG website:

*Q. Will I be able to have my birth partner with me during labour and birth?
Yes, you should be encouraged to have a birth partner present with you during labour and birth. Having a trusted birth partner present throughout labour is known to make a significant difference to the safety and well-being of women in childbirth.

If your birth partner has symptoms of coronavirus, they will not be allowed to go into the maternity suite, to safeguard the health of the woman and the maternity staff supporting you

Local Trusts may place restrictions on visitors which might mean that partners are not able to attend routine antenatal appointments, or stay with women on antenatal or postnatal wards. However, this should not impact on your birth partner’s presence during your labour and the birth, unless they are unwell.*

Awrite · 04/04/2020 14:07

Absolutely, I would do it. I'm in a rota to look after the children of key workers. I would look at it as necessary care.

EnthusiasmIsDisturbed · 04/04/2020 14:10

This isn’t just about the op’s friend giving birth alone

It’s about the possibility of the op being a carrier and not aware and then the child she is looking after becoming a carrier

It’s a very very difficult decision to make in these circumstances

CallmeAngelina · 04/04/2020 14:10

Absolutely, I would do it.
After all, I'm being expected to go into work (school) and care for Key Workers' children for the foreseeable future, so how is this any more risky?

DigitalGhost · 04/04/2020 14:10

I'm due in a few weeks and my parents are having my DD. I'm guessing it comes under caring for a vunerable person but no chance I'm giving birth alone.

ItsAllTheDramaMickIJustLoveIt · 04/04/2020 14:10

I’d do it. I’ve laboured and given birth alone and it’s the most scared and alone I’ve ever felt. Wouldn’t want someone else to go through that.

Equally I understand completely though why some hospitals have had to ban birthing partners right now.

BigChocFrenzy · 04/04/2020 14:10

I wouldn't, as she has a partner to look after her child at home
So it is not essential for you to visit another household

It would be different if she were an SP, with no other childcare

JasonPollack · 04/04/2020 14:12

You're missing the looking after vulnerable people part of the guidelines @BigChocFrenzy

And also empathy.

TheFuckingDogs · 04/04/2020 14:14

It really sounds like some of the MN sadists are relishing the thought of telling women they’ll have to give birth alone 🙄
As long as both families are low risk/no symptoms I think this is one of those cases where it is acceptable

Stompythedinosaur · 04/04/2020 14:14

I would do it. I think it is allowed as care of a vulnerable person.

EveryDayIsADuvetDay · 04/04/2020 14:14

As long as I nad no particular vulnerabilities or symptoms, I would do it, and I don't even like children much.
The friend is presumably being ultra careful anyway because of her pregnancy, and will have given it a lot of thought before asking.

EnthusiasmIsDisturbed · 04/04/2020 14:15

CallmeAngelina you are already in a position of being higher risk so you are a more of risk passing to others

No one who is a keyworker and not working from him should consider looking after a young child in these circumstances as she will soon be sharing a home with a new born baby

Spinbaby · 04/04/2020 14:15

Yes I absolutely would do it. It’s not normal circumstances with you babysitting for some frivolous reason.

Darbs76 · 04/04/2020 14:16

Yes I would. I’m following the rules but I couldn’t let my friend give birth alone

kiki22 · 04/04/2020 14:19

I would do it without a second thought. Be sensible make sure that they have isolated and so have you leading up.

If something goes wrong during labour even if it's not life threatening she needs someone there.

Maryann1975 · 04/04/2020 14:19

I would do this and wouldn’t think twice about saying yes.

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