annoyed about Mums showing off about kids crafts in lockdown?

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OK, so I'm getting quite irritated by the amount of Mums on my School and Pre-school Whatsapp groups, and Facebook, going on and on about what marvelous crafts and activities they are getting up to with their kids at home - long posts, videos and pics.

My husband is a key worker and I'm trying to do my job as well whilst looking after the children. It's very stressful and I'm only really able to squeeze the school work in. He worked late this evening and has been told he's now got to work the weekend (9 full days in a row) and be on call next week, when he was supposed to be taking annual leave. Both nurseries, including my sons' have closed due to Coronavirus, so I can't use them.

Some families have both parents who are key workers (I have a friend whose a Doctor in a hospital and so is her husband). I think the Mums who are overly sharing, should perhaps consider that some families are really struggling, with both parents working and looking after kids?? And they are just making them feel bad?

Worse, they are coming up with ideas for us Mums to do - like posting a video of our children saying hello and showing their crafts. I do not have time for this and our lives have gone crazy. It feels like I am in the minority and most people are at home, not working and having fun?? Anyone else in a similar situation?

I think most people do this as they want Too look like the perfect parent.

I love seeing all the crafts and activities my friends are doing - it inspires me. Everyone is dealing with a horrible situation in the best way they can.

I find it sad so many few it like this! Some of my friends post bits of craft, happy times, dancing or whatever and I just smile. I’m happy for them.

We do tons of craft here. We work, but as we enjoy it I guess it’s our wind down and bonding time. When we have fun together. Sometimes I post it, sometimes with a silly comment or when it goes wrong. I hope I haven’t friended people who are wound up by it. My 3 are good at art, but if anyone asks I just point out we do so much, like how their child is amazing at music because they practice, great at football or whatever. Time put in means a greater ability.

Genuinely, why friend someone you begrudge happiness? My friend and husband aren’t working and are paid and have repainted their house finally, looks Instagram perfect. I like her so I’m happy for her. I guess I’d bitch if I didn’t, but I probably wouldn’t be a fb friend to see it.

My house is a happy cluttered mess, mostly we are happy. We’re just normal. Sometimes snappy from long hours, sometimes doing great and sometimes just mulling along.

'I think most people do this as they want Too look like the perfect parent.'

... Or they're just parenting their child and putting it on their own social media that is entirely voluntary to look at

Its not about you. Why on earth would anyone think anything somebody posts is to make others feel bad or feel anything at all about themselves?

oh gosh, that, a million times. People shouldn't be ashamed and have to hide because they are doing something.

MN hates stay-at-home mums in general. We've had years of threads insulting them, good for them if they are the ones holding it together and the roles are reversed for a change.

I love the posts from craft-mums. I haven't got a clue, I am not normally home and it gives me plenty of ideas. Half will be rejected by my own kids because "it's boring".

Where does it stop? You can't post because you have a job when someone else has lost theirs? you can't post because you have a decent size house , or your kids are in the garden and someone else only has a flat?

I made a sock cock or a cock sock...so there!

A friend who is doing all this crafty stuff, home schooling etc. told me it was a coping mechanism, she is so anxious, panic attacks included she is trying to keep as busy as possible during the day then unwind when the DCs are in bed with a bath and a large glass of wine.

My kids are insisting that I post all their stuff on various groups. They are desperate to share what they have been doing and see their friends stuff too. I’m doing it for them, because public oversharing normally makes me cringe. I hope that my posts saying “little Billy wants to show everyone his loo roll penguin” make that clear, but I fear that it just makes me sound twee and annoying.

This is one of the worst aspects of the lockdown.
People doing things that make them happy, within the rules no less, but it does't make you happy so you feel a need to make sure they are not happy as well.

You can dress it up as much as you like, you can 'explain' it as much as you like, justify it even. Make it into a competition about who has it worse. In the end, you feel bad so let's give a little of that back.

I loathe crafts, don't have the time, the money or the inclination btw but I'm never going to begrudge those who do enjoy it. Neither am I going to take it personally when someone else does it

”My husband is a key worker and I'm trying to do my job as well whilst looking after the children. It's very stressful and I'm only really able to squeeze the school work in.”

Of course that’s stressful. Fair play to you - you’re doing your best. I genuinely do not know how anyone is working from home & looking after small kids at the same time. Totally reasonable comment.

“I think the Mums who are overly sharing, should perhaps consider that some families are really struggling, with both parents working and looking after kids?? And they are just making them feel bad?”

Totally unreasonable. I think perhaps the mums who still have a secure job should consider that some of the “crafty mums” or families where neither parent are working right now are really struggling, and are just trying to make the best of a shite situation.

It’s not all about you, or anyone else. An individual’s social media is about them and what makes them feel good.

You need to work on your own self esteem and accept you’re doing the best you can in your situation.

Some days that is easy, some days it’s very very difficult but it doesn’t help to blame other people for your own feelings.

Roll your eyes and scroll on by.

I hope that my posts saying “little Billy wants to show everyone his loo roll penguin” make that clear,

Unlike the OP, I have absolutely no issue with any family post, but that sentence is cringing. Really.

I quite like seeing what my friends have been up to, we aren't participating as we aren't crafty but if I do something in the garden, I might post that. I like the community feel of it all, and I know the one or two who do a lot of crafts are mainly speaking to their relatives especially their mums who they used to see a lot. Really, the onus is on you to remove yourself, but then again I enjoy holiday pics, anything really, even the conspiracy posts are interesting! You either like your friends or you don't and if you know them well and they post the odd crafty day, it won't be a big deal to you. If they are not your friends, remove them or mute.

I am guessing you would object to the photos I have seen today, of kids happily horse riding because their parents happen to own a couple of horses and enough land to exercise there.

Step away from the internet. Comparisons are never healthy, especially when they involve children. Can't you just enjoy doing what you're doing for yourselves?

@Nearlyalmost50 I agree with you. I find it reassuring to see normal happy family type posts on Facebook when there's so much tragedy around, otherwise my life would be too much about doom and gloom with me under self-isolation.

Don't worry about it. It's just ideas.

Unlike the OP, I have absolutely no issue with any family post, but that sentence is cringing. Really

Why? I totally got what the poster meant. People have been on here whinging that all the crafting is competitive parenting and hurts their feels and it's all posted to make them feel bad.
So a poster has a child who wants to show their work, to their friends and family, but people are feeling that the only way they can do that is to pre-empt with a sentence like this as there'll be Judgy Knickers who don't like seeing craft posts/garden activities.

JustInCaseCakeHappens Sat 04-Apr-20 00:05:49
I am guessing you would object to the photos I have seen today, of kids happily horse riding because their parents happen to own a couple of horses and enough land to exercise there.
.....
I don't think that's quite the same thing. Riding is a healthy, outdoorsy thing and most people like to see others riding, adults or children. What's more, with a riding hat you're not likely to recognise them in the same way as you would a small child or children with mum making things in the kitchen with running commentary. In the latter case the children would probably want to be close up to the camera, making their presence felt. It's just not fair to to them to make everything so public.

However the op doesn't have to look, I wouldn't.

Oh fuck this. As a parent you’re judged WHAT EVER YOU DO. I feel tremendous pressure to bake, do crafts, play games with my 2... I don’t always enjoy it, it’s not always easy - but I do it because I want my kids to have fun & I don’t particularly want them on tablets all day long.

That doesn’t mean they aren’t on them more than they should be! Or that I’m in anyway perfect! These activities only last so long... & I’m not gonna post a photo of my kids watching their tablets on social media... am I? But the cakes we baked or the rainbows we drew? Of course!

Doesn’t mean I didn’t shout at them to much today, or I didn’t mutter fuck off under my breath after I heard MUUUUMMMM for the gazillionth time. Or that I didn’t wish I could just be on my own for 1 hour.

Just because You feel bad for not doing these things, doesn’t mean you should make people feel bad for doing these things. We’re all just trying to survive!

It depends on the context. If you're proud of (/embarrassed by/ amused by/ mad about) something then its good to share it with your friends.

We are acutely aware of being very lucky in this (we have income, I'm sahm and DH can work from home). We have it very easy compared to most people. BUT that doesn't mean it isn't hard, it's just less hard.

So if people in my situation can lighten the deadly tedium of being stuck at home 24/7 with two kids under 5 by sharing our mundane lives with our friends.... then I don't see why that hurts anyone. It's not saying we don't know how lucky we are.

It’s when you get the same person posting photos of their kids (apparently) hard at work one day like they are super parents, then the next day complain that school are phoning them to see if they are ok as no work has been submitted and they are being victimised, and you know the family well enough to see through all the bullshit and know they arent being victimised and should just step up and be actual fucking parents.

I could have been one of those parents.

Mainly because the slightest suggestion of schoolwork would have resulted in an eight hour long screaming meltdown from DD, but she would happily do crafts, baking, cooking - and gawping at a screen.

It was how she learned almost all of her reading, writing, mathematics, science - the lot.

I am at home with the kids. I see these posts and I think these people are twats.

I kind of get what you mean. DH and I are both keuworkers who can work from home, so juggling working our butts off doing at times stressful and novel work while vaguely parenting the children.
Sometimes I look at the posts about yoga classes and complex craft projects and detailed homeschooling schedules and want to cry.

But other times I hear the children tootling about happily while we work and know how lucky we are to both have jobs. Some of those "super mums" may have lost their jobs or being worrying about them, or be SAHMs whose husband's jobs are suddenly and quite unexpectedly at risk.

I think all of us have a heap of shit to deal with right now, whether it's worrying about loved ones who are ill or on the front line. Or worrying how to pay the bills. Or frantically juggling the impossible schedule thrown at us when the schools closed.

So for once I don't envy anyone, everyone has a heavy weight to carry right now.

Oh I could have absolutely written this myself OP. All this performance parenting and taking pictures of the child at the piano/ in front of the French windows/ showing off your new red leather sofa (for example). I have the chat muted but oh my gosh am I ripping the p out of all of these parents.