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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

annoyed about Mums showing off about kids crafts in lockdown?

225 replies

Transformer123 · 03/04/2020 20:43

OK, so I'm getting quite irritated by the amount of Mums on my School and Pre-school Whatsapp groups, and Facebook, going on and on about what marvelous crafts and activities they are getting up to with their kids at home - long posts, videos and pics.

My husband is a key worker and I'm trying to do my job as well whilst looking after the children. It's very stressful and I'm only really able to squeeze the school work in. He worked late this evening and has been told he's now got to work the weekend (9 full days in a row) and be on call next week, when he was supposed to be taking annual leave. Both nurseries, including my sons' have closed due to Coronavirus, so I can't use them.

Some families have both parents who are key workers (I have a friend whose a Doctor in a hospital and so is her husband). I think the Mums who are overly sharing, should perhaps consider that some families are really struggling, with both parents working and looking after kids?? And they are just making them feel bad?

Worse, they are coming up with ideas for us Mums to do - like posting a video of our children saying hello and showing their crafts. I do not have time for this and our lives have gone crazy. It feels like I am in the minority and most people are at home, not working and having fun?? Anyone else in a similar situation?

OP posts:
MontysOarlock · 03/04/2020 22:00

Pinterest has a million ideas for things to do with children. But this is only when you have time.

Please don't worry about what other people are doing with their children. Accept that at this moment you can't do that. You are doing the best that you can. It is good enough.

Just do what you can. My children are teenagers. This will one day be a thing of the past and you will have survived it.

Original poster
Transformer123 · 03/04/2020 22:03

LouLouloo - Yes, I agree.
I can't do much about WhatsApp but there is definitely one Mum I'm going to take off my newsfeed on FB. It's just constant with her, and tons of pics a day with lists of what she's done. It's definitely a "look what a great mum I am" thing. People aren't content with just doing it for their own enjoyment, it has to be shown to everyone.

OP posts:
MaryShelley1818 · 03/04/2020 22:04

Oh for goodness sake, so now we're not being honest, I'm sorry YOU can't OP but some of us are managing to wfh AND look after our toddler. By utter luck and nothing to do with my parenting DS age 2 is really really good at independent play. I wrote an entire court report yesterday while he played with Duplo for a solid 4hrs, he also naps 3hrs in the afternoon when I go and do home visits. We try and arrange video calls between us but he has made appearances in a couple. DH gets up and starts work at 5am so has already done half a day before DS is awake. We also manage to fit in an hour or so of doing a little craft activity in the evening because quite frankly the poor kid is pretty neglected during the day. You are accusing people of boasting and having no empathy but are happy to judge people and call them liars just for barely managing. Maybe you need to develop some empathy.

tinkerbellla · 03/04/2020 22:05

Just mute them. It's no reflection on you. I immediately muted my nursery group who are lovely but I don't have time either. Let them enjoy sharing and forget about it all, they aren't being mean.

Duck90 · 03/04/2020 22:06

TBF some of the projects look like no 4 year old has been near (as in totally perfect) more like the parent has done 98% while the child watched the tv.

Teachers must see this every year, when immaculate projects turn up for a pupil has shown little flair in creativity.

limpbizkit · 03/04/2020 22:09

Thank fuck! It's, getting right on my tits too! Angry you're not alone. Bloody perfect mums with their only child (usually a well behaved smart arse little matilda) baking salt dough architecture everyday. Bombarding group chats with videos and constant fucking updates. My kids are actually well behaved on the whole. We have fun together. Now and again we'll bake or play silly fun stuff throughout the day. I do not post pics because that joy is private. I'm not doing it to show off. Other days we're all in our pyjamas till midday. I've given them far too many chocolates at their every pleading request and they've spent half their day on their tablets. Having said that... I'm so busy with them that I don't have time for constant messaging. The baking buzzy bee sewing bee mary Berry Mary Poppins club seem to be free constantly to update WhatsApp #perfect mummy group. Telling isn't it....

Doggodogington · 03/04/2020 22:09

Yep, I don’t get it. By all means do crafts with your children, but by posting on FB it’s attention seeking.

TiredofSM · 03/04/2020 22:10

I’ve had to unfollow everyone on Facebook doing DAILY updates WITH photos and videos.
Smug, smug, smug.
I don’t want to see you and your one child, beaming at each other as you take a tray of hot muffins out of the oven.
While I’ve had to close my business, lose my income, my DH is a key worker whose workload has gone through the roof and I’m having to manage 2 kids alone, who are under the age of 6. One of which seems to be getting set a ridiculous amount of school work.
All the while mums on the nursery WhatsApp group are posting zoom invites so all the kids can sing nursery rhymes together.
I’m sure they think I’m a miserable cow because I haven’t joined any of the zoom meetings.

triedandtestedteacher · 03/04/2020 22:12

We did craft this afternoon with glitter. I think I've actually ingested the stuff. Always everywhere and I end up very annoyed. I attempt something about twice a week and no more. I don't post pics of our creations just send them to my mum because I know nobody else is interested

ViciousJackdaw · 03/04/2020 22:14

You don't know what happened before the photo was taken or indeed afterwards. That sweet little drawing of a nurse? There was a half hour tantrum because Jacinta wouldn't share the blue felt tip. Then Olivia knocked her glass of squash all over it, making her cry loudly, waking the baby up, which started the dog barking. The cheerful glittery rainbow? Three quarters of the glitter is on the dog. I promise you, it's all far from perfect behind the scenes.

PrincessConsueIaBananaHammock · 03/04/2020 22:16

You can't control what other people do. You can control if you see it and how you react to it though.

Do you really believe they're posting to make you feel crap and miserable? Ofc not. They have the time,skill and will to do crafty stuff, some of them might be mumsy mums full time not just because of corona.

I quite like this type of craft as long as I don't have to do it. I don't see it as a personal attack or even aimed for my eyes particularly.

No one cares if you're gluing yourself to the sofa, creating a masterpiece or drowning in gin, so why do you? No sits with a clipboard to check who did a craft this week and who didn't.

Stop hurting yourself, appreciate who you are , what you can do and what you do do everyday. Cut yourself some slack and don't focus so much in the things you can't control or do. Thanks

Daffie19 · 03/04/2020 22:17

I'm a nurse, working front line.
So I like nothing better on my days off to craft or plan activities with my DS (18 months).
We've done drawing, painting, homemade play dough, long walks, baking, Sand pit fun.
Quality time together, makes me forget the shit we deal with at work.

I don't see why we should have to tone it down just to spare your feelings.
If you don't like, a roll by or delete these people.

Beckyboom · 03/04/2020 22:17

Maybe you should request that a separate what’s app group is set up for that sort of thing and keep one just for admin type updates or whatever it is you need to involved in?

(That’s what my eldest’s class has done. One what’s app group for updates and info. Another for anything else)

Daisy12Maisie · 03/04/2020 22:17

I'm a key worker and a single mum and I also rent out houses and there are major problems for landlords at the moment so I'm not doing any arts and crafts with my kids.
What my kids are learning is invaluable though. I'm teaching them about hard work paying off (we have a nice house and we go on nice holidays). I'm teaching them resilience as they have to do things on their own.
I'm teaching them that you cant do everything at once so we have to calmly prioritise. If we are fed then the dishwasher/ schoolwork/ hovering can wait.
I'm teaching them kindness and humility as I talk to them about work (nothing confidential obviously).
Your kids will be proud of you and what uni do.
I do understand how hard it is though

123Dancewithme · 03/04/2020 22:20

YANBU. I’m not really into crafts (not really a creative kind of person) and my toddler DS isn’t very interested in that kind of thing, but I keep feeling guilty when I see all the FB posts about the things that other parents are doing with their children. Their houses always look so clean and tidy as well and mine is a mess at the moment! 🤣

TwatCat · 03/04/2020 22:22

I'm a key worker doing 12hr shifts. DH is teaching college students from home. Neither of us have time for much with our kids at the moment. I don't WANT to go to work but I have to. I'd much rather stay at home and make salt dough hand prints and use up the worlds supply of plain flour to hang on my wall.
Don't feel guilty. There's only so much we can do.

Candyfloss99 · 03/04/2020 22:24

I couldn't care less what anyone else is doing with their kids to be honest.

Purpletigers · 03/04/2020 22:24

I agree with you 100% . Now is not the time to be a dick on social media when lots of parents are barely seeing their families.
I would find it hard not to say something .

cabbageking · 03/04/2020 22:25

We each travel our own road and have different lifestyles.

We never know the reasons behind others actions nor should we.

Lets concentrate on our own families and not spend time looking outward at others. It isn't healthy and really what others do shouldn't affect us.

NuovaMoi · 03/04/2020 22:27

I feel the same OP and am not usually one to compare either. I think it’s because between work and my dcs getting sick and not having a car at present which makes getting groceries hard I feel like all I can do is survive .

CantSayJack · 03/04/2020 22:27

We have parents like this on our year WhatsApp group, a Mum sat there reading a story as like she’s on a children’s channel while her children are dressed up and acting it out. It’s pure showboating and trying to make other parents feel inadequate. Mute and ignore and do what suits you.

NuovaMoi · 03/04/2020 22:29

I do think before people post online they also need to ask themselves why they are doing it. Are they humble bragging? Probably

whattodo2019 · 03/04/2020 22:30

I totally agree! Life has become a bragging match!! Don't start me on the bloody baking posts...

Alanna1 · 03/04/2020 22:32

Can I suggest you also say what you’ve said? We have two NHS families in my DD’s year, where both parents are medics/nurses. The class is helping support those two kids , etc. Eg their kids know if they ask for help in google classroom one of the other parents will pick it up and facetime/support, generally people are just being supportive. And, we’re all super-understanding. Their kids need more support from us not less!

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