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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU? Circumcision?

164 replies

Poppygirl96 · 03/04/2020 19:18

Me and my ex have recently split up and we have a 5 month old son. He told me when I was pregnant that he wanted to get our son circumcised due to his religion and that it was really important to him. I was heavily pregnant tired and not really thinking much about it so I blindly agreed. However I have been thinking about it a lot and really don’t want our son to get unnecessarily cut even if it is for religious reasons.

My ex says it’s also to keep him clean but I don’t see the point. We haven’t found anyone to do the surgery as our son was prem so we couldn’t and now there’s COVID-19 so we can’t go now. If I bring it up and go against him, I know my ex will be pissed and it will cause a huge argument especially as it’s so important to him, his mother and his religion.

I don’t want to ruin co-parenting with him and cause issues so I’m not sure what to do/say. AIBU in saying I don’t want to go ahead with it?

OP posts:
Wildlingyoumakemyheartsing · 03/04/2020 19:19

Of course you are not being unreasonable. Just because it's for religious reasons doesn't make it okay. It is unnecessary surgery! Stick to your guns.

user1353245678533567 · 03/04/2020 19:21

You need to act in your son's best interests not your own. If that means you have to deal with confrontation that's what it means.

DCOkeford · 03/04/2020 19:22

"I'm not going to mutilate the genitals of my own child"

There, how about that?

Purpleartichoke · 03/04/2020 19:24

The reality of allowing unnecessary on an infant is very different once you have an actual child to love, not just the idea of a child.

There will be many times you have to bite your tongue and allow your ex to make different parenting choices. This is not one of those times.

WeirdAndPissedOff · 03/04/2020 19:24

Not at all! I'm against circumcision anyway, but even regardless of that I strongly believe that a medical procedure like this should only happen with full consent from both of you.

Be prepared though for it to become a major issue for a long time - many people in the same circumstances have said that it gets brought up regularly even years later, and some have even said that Ex/DP/MIL have taken DC to be circumcised during contact time.
It's not a nice thing to consider, but do you think there's any chance that could happen here?

If needed, can you phrase it as a "delay" instead- say it's because of COVID-19 if needed, but that he will have it done when old enough to consent? (IF he consents). I'm not sure if it would help or not, but if all else fails it may buy you some time?

GetTheSprinkles · 03/04/2020 19:26

Yanbu. Theres a good Netflix documentary arguing against it, get your OH to watch it

Aisforharlot · 03/04/2020 19:28

Nope.
If anyone came at my baby with a scalpel, they’d end up with it embedded somewhere uncomfortable.
And I say that as a Jew who took flak for going against the grain.

Windyatthebeach · 03/04/2020 19:28

I have 8 ds's. Not one has had any issue with keeping their foreskin.
Imo it isn't for me to decide either..

autumnkate · 03/04/2020 19:30

Were you married OP? Otherwise he doesn’t seem all that religious apart from when it suits him.

Duckingell · 03/04/2020 19:32

Stand up for your DS.

Windyatthebeach · 03/04/2020 19:33

His dm's wishes do not override yours op. Seek legal advice.

pleasepleasepleasehelp · 03/04/2020 19:33

SIGH. Circumcision on males is NOT the same as FGM on females. Why do people always say this on these threads? confused

They are 2 completely different procedures!

@Poppygirl96 You should not have posted on here about this. You will not get rational and sensible responses at all.

HavelockVetinari · 03/04/2020 19:33

Do not cut bits off your baby boy in the name of religion - if God wanted that he'd have made men without foreskins in the first place

crispysausagerolls · 03/04/2020 19:35

Husband is Jewish and circumcised and has to accept that our son would not be. Hacking away at my baby’s penis for 0 fucking reason just wasn’t something I was comfortable with.

Hoppinggreen · 03/04/2020 19:37

I think that not cutting bits of your child when it’s not medically necessary is a perfectly rational and sensible response

Zombiemum1946 · 03/04/2020 19:37

YANBU . Nobody needs pieces of their genitals cut off unless for medical reasons. If ds chooses religion when he's of age, then that's his decision .

KrisAkabusi · 03/04/2020 19:44

Circumcision is barbaric. Don't do it.

ByGrabtharsHammerWhatASavings · 03/04/2020 19:52

Please don't cut bits off your child's penis just to avoid an argument with your ex! Also the cleaning thing is bollocks. Hardly any men in the UK are circumcised, if it presented a massive hygiene issue it'd be pretty common knowledge. I've never ever met a man for whom that was a problem, and it's not been a problem for my son either.

DrDreReturns · 03/04/2020 19:58

There's no hygiene issue. I'm not circumcised and I wash under it every day, that's all you need to do.

Balhammom · 03/04/2020 20:16

I tend to agree. However, if you have joint custody, is there a risk he’ll do it anyway?

Windyatthebeach · 03/04/2020 20:18

I would take him to court over this. I doubt a judge would deem it in ds's best interests...

HermioneWeasley · 03/04/2020 20:20

Absolutely not. It’s normal in my culture too and I massively fell out with my family when I refused to have it done to my sons.

allaboardthesinkingship · 03/04/2020 20:23

I completely agree with you. I find it baffling that Americans do it to practically all babies and it's weird to not be circumcised over there!

IndieTara · 03/04/2020 20:27

I have a DD whose father believes in circumcision due to his culture and religion. I've had to have that and many other difficult conversations.

topcat2014 · 03/04/2020 20:28

I Would be refusing point blank

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