To think CV19 pandemic will highlight just how shit so many men are?

[GlummyMcGlummerson]

We are obviously in very weird times where there's a general understating that everyone has to step out their comfort zone, adjust things etc be it working from home whilst looking after kids, doing a supermarket shop alone and once in a blue moon and staying indoors all day. However reading, here and on social media in the last few weeks (and RL accounts from friends) that men are unwilling to change the smallest things, including

• Women having to bend over backwards to sort getting to the supermarket because her DH won't do it
• no matter who is the higher earner, women doing both WFH and childcare duties while men get their full working days to themselves
• women being the ones sorting crafts, books, writing etc for home schooling whilst men barely know what school year their child is in.

It does seem that a lot of blokes were happy to have kids and have the fun moments - playing on an evening, holidays etc - but now have the daunting task of doing the hard stuff and can't cope for the life of them.

I suspect that a lot of women put up with this pre-pandemic because it's how they'd always been and she tolerated it because that's what women have been socialises to do. But this uselessness will be a nail in the coffin for many couples. Men have probably got away with a lot because they're Very Busy with work so women got on with things, but working from home probably exposes how Busy men actually are.

AIBU to think that many women will be exposed to just how utterly shit their OHs are?

Disclaimer: sorry not sorry on pointing out it's only men. Never once seen a post about a woman not stepping up to be a mother. Yes NAMALT and I'm sure your Nigel is lovely, but the point is I think a lot of other 'Nigels' will be shown to be nothing of the sort.

You should keep better company

I think my experience is typical. Where do I find better company?

Nearly everyone I know is either single or in a bad relationship. Where are all these great men hiding?

I consider myself very lucky that I am able and can afford to live alone.

Another day where I'm thankful to not be straight and having to deal with men.

Why do so many women rush to defend men on here? It almost never happens in reverse on male dominated forums.

Of course, NAMALT, but why are so many just like this?

Already has. Some dickhead male influencer's post is doing the rounds about how if you haven't picked up a new skill, got a side hustle or gained more knowledge during the lockdown, then you lack discipline, not time. I'm guessing he doesn't have kids. I wanted to ask the bastard to give me tuba lessons and see if he can help me play it without being in pain or having a coughing fit.

A 'side hustle', incidentally, always makes me think of sex work.

Guessing these threads generally attract a certain kind of person. Most of the men (and women) I know have been brilliant.

Most of the men (and women) I know have been brilliant.

Yes, same here. Its definitely not the normal to be surrounded by abusive people but there seems to be posters on here only know awful people

Nope my DH is great he's the one going to the supermarkets each week for us
He helps out with our children equally there's going to be a lot of women too op that turn out to be just as shit not every man is useless or selfish

I suppose time will tell.
We'll see how many couples divorce or split up.

Did someone set off a klaxon somewhere in MRA world ? Because it’s odd that so many people who claim to hate MN and all MNers have suddenly decided to join today and start posting .

My DH is fairly dire with doing his fair share. When DS was a baby he was always working abroad and I dont think he ever really 'got it'.

However, he is good looking, intelligent, very good company and hardworking. There's no way I'd have such a nice house and be able to run my business without his support.

But sometimes I get very frustrated at just how useless he is at doing the basics. He just doesn't see things.

Mumsnet makes me so grateful that I have an actual, proper marriage and not one of these bullshit domestic service arrangements.

My DH does everything because I’m still working full time. Not all men are shit

Mumsnet makes me so grateful that I live alone with my DD with no Nigel to eat all our food and piss all over the toilet seat.
Happy days.

@ ByGrabtharsHammerWhatASavings

Great post, very articulate

@DidoLamenting

Thanks for that truly helpful advice. Why didn't I realise before now that I am an adult? Or that 'sorting it out' as as simple and straightforward as you say. Thanks, you have changed my life.

No - my DH is great and has shared home schooling, 'wife work' and life admin (he calls it dadmin!) equally!!

Ohamlreally - our food bill is really low too. And it's amazing how little housework there is and much more free time I have than other women I know. And how little resentment I have to deal with on a daily basis. And how much more wardrobe, bed and general space I have. Bliss.

DH isn't perfect, same as I'm not perfect either. Most importantly we work as a team, if I ask him to do x y and z he will do it. I have been more hands on with the school work but I'm on social media seeing all the ideas (he's not), I get the emails from the school as you can only have one parent on the information list. He has done some ideas with them, and lead things I don't understand like coding.

Most importantly I haven't felt well so he took over - housework/schooling wasn't all done how I would have done it or to the same standards but I got to rest and had tea brought to me (made perfectly!) So I'm happy and so are the girls which is the most important thing to me.

I've been to the supermarket once since this lockdown started. When I got home I washed my hands in the garden (we have a sink in the garden as we grow lots of fruit and veg and wash them outside). I then went into the house and changed before my wife came near me. I'm not willing to risk her health as I am fitter than her.

You have a lot of bitterness

One might say I hoard it like an apocalyptic stockpile. Much more useful than 24 packs of TP.

Mumsnet makes me so grateful that I have an actual, proper marriage and not one of these bullshit domestic service arrangements.

This. Mumsnet is such an odd part of the world. Most women I know manage to choose decent partners and actually make responsible life choices about having a child with someone, unlike mumsnet where it seems women will just pro create with any old Tom, dick or Harry and don't seem capable of effective communication.

My wife is shit at family things and this current situation is just showing that more.

It's not just men.

@CalamityShame
I really don't think so - hence the problem.
Statistically, for many women, it's singlehood or a shit man.

Whilst I and others choose singlehood, there are lots who don't want that and so they end up with shit men.

You have just spoken my fears!! I am mid 20s and very happy single and childfree but I dread when/if I ever get the urge to settle down and if I ever want a child because I'm terrified of ending up with someone god awful or lazy.