To think CV19 pandemic will highlight just how shit so many men are?

[GlummyMcGlummerson]

We are obviously in very weird times where there's a general understating that everyone has to step out their comfort zone, adjust things etc be it working from home whilst looking after kids, doing a supermarket shop alone and once in a blue moon and staying indoors all day. However reading, here and on social media in the last few weeks (and RL accounts from friends) that men are unwilling to change the smallest things, including

• Women having to bend over backwards to sort getting to the supermarket because her DH won't do it
• no matter who is the higher earner, women doing both WFH and childcare duties while men get their full working days to themselves
• women being the ones sorting crafts, books, writing etc for home schooling whilst men barely know what school year their child is in.

It does seem that a lot of blokes were happy to have kids and have the fun moments - playing on an evening, holidays etc - but now have the daunting task of doing the hard stuff and can't cope for the life of them.

I suspect that a lot of women put up with this pre-pandemic because it's how they'd always been and she tolerated it because that's what women have been socialises to do. But this uselessness will be a nail in the coffin for many couples. Men have probably got away with a lot because they're Very Busy with work so women got on with things, but working from home probably exposes how Busy men actually are.

AIBU to think that many women will be exposed to just how utterly shit their OHs are?

Disclaimer: sorry not sorry on pointing out it's only men. Never once seen a post about a woman not stepping up to be a mother. Yes NAMALT and I'm sure your Nigel is lovely, but the point is I think a lot of other 'Nigels' will be shown to be nothing of the sort.

For a lot of women, their relationship bar is on the ground.

They have genuinely no experience or expectation of being treated kindly or with respect.

They put up with selfishness and thoughtfulness from the beginning

They accept meanness and disrespect without complaint.

They then think its a good idea to have children with these wasters.

They are left holding multiple babies with men that invariably never wanted children, couldn't care less about them, and are indifferent to contributing to their children.

Thats before you get into the horrors on here that are horrifically, emotionally, physically, psychologically and sexually abusing their wives.

Women put up with too much and a lot of their lives would be better if they were taught to expect more.

I realise from MN there are men who turn on women having love bombed them etc., turn on them when they were pregnant, when the baby arrives...

But many others were waving red flags from the beginning.

We can't legislate for every scenario but I think we should be teaching young girls more about what healthy behaviour looks like from an earlier age.

The more young women know about healthy relationships and what the should and should accept, the easier it will be for women to find the strength to leave earlier, get away from awful situations and not have their lives ruined and that of their children.

Absolutely. This is definitely a widespread issue in our society really no denying it. That said dh and my father both great but think that’s no accident. 3 of us sisters saw my parents relationship so have high standards. Dh and both bills pull weight despite “big” jobs.

Frankly if BiL 2 come home from being the senior consultant on a covid ward and do the hoovering and childcare these pathetic men can too 😡

I wonder this about couples now both wfh. How many women who’ve been taking on most domestic and childcare efforts because “he’s got such a busy stressful important job” are now seeing what that job looks like and thinking, hang on a minute here...

(and yes my Nigel is lovely, thanks. But even if this thread WAS full of bitter women who’ve ended up with shit men - surely that’s still then quite a lot of shit men out there, therefore proving OP’s point?)

I can imagine what you'd say OP if men said that about us. Nothing like a spot of generalisation after all. Some men are shit, some women are shut.

When it comes to “can’t be arsed to do the housework or look after their kids”, though, more men are that particular kind of shit than women are.

DH thinks to do food shopping before I do. Also he is far better at making food last. Also he's started growing food in the garden we can eat. He's helping home school our daughter and he's doing the laundry and cleaning whilst trying to recover from this virus. I'm afraid op you just married a shit one!

I do know there's some truth in your post but it's very negative. I say that as a woman who IS doing the vast majority of home schooling, domestic chores etc. This isn't because my DH is useless. Far from it. He's working very long hours in a stressful job, earning money to pay the mortgage, clothe and feed us all. I am only working 17 hours in a stress free job so have a lot more time and mental energy to do other stuff.

OP was making a general point not talking about your Nigel.

Seems obvious to me that more men are more twatish to their female partners more of the time than vice versa.

I know of numerous men who "won't" do this or that to help their OHs or where a woman ends up with more work because the man is just being a dick. Don't hear many tales where it's the other way around.

Yes there are plenty of nice men and some unpleasant women but that doesn't change the general trend or the phenomenon of the entitled man child.

My FiL who sits there like a lump whilst mil scurrys round makes meal then clears it up too. My 10 year old asked why grandad doesn’t have to help like everyone else.

My dh is being shit. I'm a teacher and WFH as much as is possible. He is a children's author and is WFH as he usually does. He thinks that moving his work into the house from the study is helpful. He is doing less housework. He isnt doing anything with the kids. Then when I complain moans that I'm not either until I reel of a list of stuff I've done with them. I said we should alternate days taking them out for exercise and he even moaned about that when his turn came around. Then he moans and makes passive aggressive comments about how he 'keeps getting things wrong because mummy just keeps moaning at him'. I honestly hate him right now.

OP: “Yes NAMALT and I'm sure your Nigel is lovely, but the point is I think a lot of other 'Nigels' will be shown to be nothing of the sort.”

Plenty of posters: How very dare you! You have failed to consider that not all men are like that and my Nigel is lovely!

Divorce lawyers are going to be very busy when this is over.

Telling the truth about male entitlement is no more sexist than it was to paint a general brush and call white people racist in 1955 Alabama.

What's your lovely man doing to address the statistically invariable wrongdoings of his mates? Oh, nothing? Smiles along so he doesn't lose his mates? Yeah, he's part of the problem and you'll only truly know him if you become very ill or divorce.

Delighted to see that misandry is alive and kicking on mumsnet. If I came out with the equivalent misogynist bollocks I'd be rightly shouted down here.

I think the lockdown, virus and the while situation has highlighted how many people are in relationships that are nothing more than loveless house mates.
Some quite obviously don't even like each other.

So instead of moaning, pack your bags and leave.

If I came out with the equivalent misogynist bollocks I'd be rightly shouted down here.

My heartfelt condolences at your distress for society's true downtrodden, the man.

Lovely, I think you'll find a safe space for men on ... the rest of the internet. Have a wee peek at reddit. You'll be pleasantly surprised.

The statistics speak for themselves.
The cms would not exist if the majority of men ( and it is men) cared for their dc.
Most men try and get out of paying for their own children-FACT.
Most 14 year olds are from broken homes -FACT.

I seriously hope people wake up and stop having kids with every Tom, Dick or Harry. You are likely to split up. Think hard about how your boyfriend/husband has treated you and your kids and family during this brief period.

Yes there are lots of decent men and women out there.
This doesn't mean that lots of men are not decent.

Also for the record it's very finding yourself in the position where your husband let's everything fall to you. The options for most women are put up or divorce, both of which are not ideal.
Most useless dad's start out as good boyfriends. Nobody knows how they will behave once children arrive.
If like to see a world where people don't rush into having children.
A world where it is financially feasible for women to live alone , own a house and he independant. Not get judged for choosing to remain childfree.

I have been very happily single and living alone for over 12 years. The corona event has confirmed to me just how lucky I am. My chances of meeting a lovely Nigel are zero.

I know a few couples, but I don't know of one good relationship where there is no abuse involved. I know women who are being abused but still say NAMALT and tell me I should try to find someone. It's like they want me to be as miserable as they are.

Have a wee peek at reddit. You'll be pleasantly surprised.

You really dont understand how Reddit works at all. Hint, the feminist and women focused boards on there are so much more accurate than here.

Whatsername177

My dh is being shit. I'm a teacher and WFH as much as is possible. He is a children's author and is WFH as he usually does

You are an adult. Sort it out.

You really dont understand how Reddit works at all.

Must be my inferior ladybrain.

Hint, the feminist and women focused boards on there are so much more accurate than here.

I'm guessing that's because of all the extra men to "clever" it up a bit.

You should keep better company mindproject

You have a lot of bitterness @PicsInRed maybe you should find a way of managing what's really bothering you. It's laughable that you think Reddit is a "mens space"

I know a few couples, but I don't know of one good relationship where there is no abuse involved.

What a odd situation. Maybe you should reconsider the people you spend your time with.