To think CV19 pandemic will highlight just how shit so many men are?

[GlummyMcGlummerson]

We are obviously in very weird times where there's a general understating that everyone has to step out their comfort zone, adjust things etc be it working from home whilst looking after kids, doing a supermarket shop alone and once in a blue moon and staying indoors all day. However reading, here and on social media in the last few weeks (and RL accounts from friends) that men are unwilling to change the smallest things, including

• Women having to bend over backwards to sort getting to the supermarket because her DH won't do it
• no matter who is the higher earner, women doing both WFH and childcare duties while men get their full working days to themselves
• women being the ones sorting crafts, books, writing etc for home schooling whilst men barely know what school year their child is in.

It does seem that a lot of blokes were happy to have kids and have the fun moments - playing on an evening, holidays etc - but now have the daunting task of doing the hard stuff and can't cope for the life of them.

I suspect that a lot of women put up with this pre-pandemic because it's how they'd always been and she tolerated it because that's what women have been socialises to do. But this uselessness will be a nail in the coffin for many couples. Men have probably got away with a lot because they're Very Busy with work so women got on with things, but working from home probably exposes how Busy men actually are.

AIBU to think that many women will be exposed to just how utterly shit their OHs are?

Disclaimer: sorry not sorry on pointing out it's only men. Never once seen a post about a woman not stepping up to be a mother. Yes NAMALT and I'm sure your Nigel is lovely, but the point is I think a lot of other 'Nigels' will be shown to be nothing of the sort.

Just to balance this I’ve been in bed for the past week with CV symptoms my DH has proved himself over and over. Sorting DSs school work, playing with him, looking after the dog/house. Cooking all meals. Bathing DS, keeping on top of the house, making sure I have everything I need on top of WFH.

I think what this is showing is that there is a lot of women willing to previously put up with a relationship that they were not equals to have a certain type of life. Now that the life has got more difficult they are not happy to adjust their life without the DH adjusting theirs. Suddenly they are demanding equality where before this the relationship was also decidedly unequal.

Maybe this might highlight to people what is actually important in a relationship in the first place.

I think you're generally right, op. DH had a day off yesterday and I was working, I still (mug that I am) went to queue up to collect his prescription. I have put my foot down about the home schooling, that is now shared. He started off by cherry picking the jobs on the schedule; he made breakfast, while I got an early start to take a 2-3 hour lunch break to home school. I went sleepwalking into that one and changed it after a couple of days. He will step up, but it takes me having to say, "that's not really good enough."

My DC have been amazing, they are pretty good at entertaining themselves while we are working.

I'm embarrassed at the amount of NAMALTs, SWALTs and the 'Not my Norman!'s on here.

It's obvious from statistics that this is a systemic worldwide problem.

@MarieQueenofScots I know what kind of father's they'll make, decent ones, like their dad.

Not all men are crap.

@CalamityShame, I'm embarrassed how much shit grown women accept.

I'm embarrassed at the amount of NAMALTs, SWALTs and the 'Not my Norman!'s on here

^ this all day long

NO NOT ALL MEN but enough to make it a VERY common occurrence and complaint. If it wasn’t common we wouldn’t sodding well hear about it all the time would we

Every single couple I know (except for one acquaintance I spoke to on Instagram) is having the same argument in that the man is working from home while the woman is doing the childcare, home schooling and trying to squeeze some work in too. It's amazing how many men including my h) have super important jobs that can not possibly be disrupted and how many women have pointless crappy jobs that can be happily squeezed in once the kids are in bed.

Thank GOD I got divorced before all this happened, I know exactly how lock down would have been.
Him full of himself because he's working from home while I do everything else AND go to work full time and demanding sex 24 hours a day that I wouldn't have let him have. Oh yes and hogging the computer 24/7.
As it is lock down is great, just me and my cat.
Good riddance.

YES @OutComeTheWolves same here.

My DH is being a really big CF, no matter how many ‘sensible conversations’ we try to have, I’m having to do my job via email off my phone, all meals, all parenting and the added bonus of cleaning up the kitchen about 5 times a day after he leaves coffee grounds/plates/cups etc everywhere. - he told me they have a cleaner at work so he forgets, which is ducking embarrassing if he treats his workplace cleaner person like that.

Pretty sure I’m going to resort to leaving passive aggressive post it notes on the cupboards (and the forehead of three year old child) soon.

The very number of 'single mums' saying they have to flout the lockdown rules because they don't have help shows that many men are feckless.

To be single is one thing but let's not kid ourselves that there's not another answer to putting kids (and other people) at risk by dragging them round the shops.

Men, step up and wise up!!

Imagine if the tables were turned. Its an absolute disgrace!

Maybe there will be a lot of happy divorce lawyers when this all ends!!

I'm embarrassed how much shit grown women accept.

Back them up then, tell them that there is better out there, but without 'Not my Norman'-ing.

Realistically, though, I know that NAMALT, but are there enough who aren't for all the women who aren't also 'SWALT'?

I really don't think so - hence the problem.
Statistically, for many women, it's singlehood or a shit man.

Whilst I and others choose singlehood, there are lots who don't want that and so they end up with shit men.

I’m gobsmacked that people think this the norm. Out of all my friends and family I know one couple like this. We have said he’s a twat from day one! Every other dad had done his equal share. My son will grow up knowing both working outside the home and looking after family/the house is the responsibility of all the adults.

I really can’t understand why people are suddenly thinking it’s an issue and haven’t sorted it out way before now, it’s either always been an issue or not an issue.

Sorry if it’s been mentioned before but I wonder if CV19 will demonstrate how the success of most relationships / famil dynamics relies heavily on the people involved not having to spend large amounts of time with each other.

@CalamityShame, what do you mean, back them?? When did saying yeah men are mostly shit =backing women?

And all the Norman crap, what's all that about?

Be single or married, who cares, do what you want, but if you're prepared to stay with a guy who is a dick instead of running a mile, don't expect me to back you and say there there, grow up and look after yourself and don't stay with an arse hole.

Dh is great and so are my boys

^ this is an example of 'Not my Norman!'ing.

Just because some of you stuck yourselves with utter arse holes don't tar us all with the same brush

This is not being supportive of women that haven't been as fortunate as you. True, it could be down to their poor choice. But it's not always the case, and even if it were, it still isn't a supportive approach.

When I say back women up without Not my Normaning, I mean saying something like 'Yes does sound useless. You don't have to put up with it. There are better men out there but it's also ok to be single'.

And I've encountered some truly awful women during my life. So what? There are horrible people of both sexes out there, and many wonderful ones too. There are probably 3 billion men out in the world. What percentage of them have you met that you feel so able to draw your conclusion?

My DH isn’t working just now, unemployed. Usually earns 6 + figures. He is spending his time doing diy, cycling, running. I’m spending my time working 60 hr weeks, home schooling 2 DC, washing, cooking, cleaning, shopping. I only earn 1/3rd what he earned (we are both highly qualified but I work in public sector while he went to the private sector) I’m wondering why I’m with him?

Once again, some good ole casual sexism on Mumsnet. Sounds more like some of you just are shit at picking partners. My DH is amazing and so are all the other men in my life. I suspect the bitterness a lot of you women have towards men is a big factor in your clearly bad relationships with them.

but enough to make it a VERY common occurrence and complaint

Nah, Mumsnet is just a man hating site. Most women on here seem incapable of basic day to day decisions such as how often to wash towels, so it's not surprising that they lack the basic communication skills required to have a happy relationship.

LOL, someone must've sounded the MRA alarm.

Nah, I just choose not to making sweeping generalisations about an entire group of people based on the actions of some. Personally, I think sexism is wrong but clearly you don't, anonymousLangFan I assume you are also OK with racism?

LOL, someone must've sounded the MRA alarm

Lol ? Are you 13?

Such a hackneyed response- any one which doesn't support the confirmation bias that most men are awful must be a MRA or a man.

Most women on here seem incapable of basic day to day decisions such as how often to wash towels, so it's not surprising that they lack the basic communication skills required to have a happy relationship

With bells on. It appears to be so much more satisfying to some women to turn themselves into martyrs, do all the "wife- work" and then whinge about it on here at length rather than do anything constructive.

Namelesswonder

My DH isn’t working just now, unemployed. Usually earns 6 + figures. He is spending his time doing diy, cycling, running. I’m spending my time working 60 hr weeks, home schooling 2 DC, washing, cooking, cleaning, shopping. I only earn 1/3rd what he earned (we are both highly qualified but I work in public sector while he went to the private sector) I’m wondering why I’m with him?

Why don't you sort this out then? You know have a conversation about it? The remedy is in your hands.

I'm highly paid and working from home- very long hours. My husband is on furlough. I am doing bugger all re cooking, shopping, housework. He has all day to do it. He didn't need to be told but if he hadn't stepped up I'd have raised the subject.

Thank you for your support to my post @DidoLamenting very rarely do I get anyone on side with me when I dare comment on the man hating threads on here. Its nice to see a reasonable poster :)