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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To put children in school when I'm not working?

239 replies

hibbledobble · 02/04/2020 18:40

I know that at the moment, school is childcare for key workers only, and that children should only go in when necessary.

I'm a junior doctor, and I have just been sent to covid-19 wards, from previously doing a speciality.

I am happy to help in these extraordinary circumstances, but I am struggling with the current situation. There has been a lot of anxiety regarding the change into an unfamiliar environment, and lack of communication from the hospital. I haven't done general medicine for a very long time.

Emotionally it is harrowing right now, and I find myself crying daily at work. It is really difficult to cope. As doctors, we have been warned that we will all have PTSD by the end of this.

Would IBU to put my children in school some days when I'm not working, to give myself some space to focus on my mental health?

OP posts:
ludothedog · 02/04/2020 18:42

Do what you need to do.. thank you for your work and stay safe Flowers BrewCake

mbosnz · 02/04/2020 18:42

Nope.

You need to put your oxygen mask on, so you can look after others.

And thank you.

museumum · 02/04/2020 18:43

I think you’d be perfectly reasonable to do whatever you think best for your family. You should get lots of rest when not on shift to keep your immune system healthy.

But do you have a partner? Are they also a doctor? Because if they’re at home then they would be unreasonable not to look after the children.

Teacher12345 · 02/04/2020 18:43

Surely putting your kids in school and at risk of catching it from their friends in addition to you is likely to hurt your mental health more?

TooMuchBloodyChoice · 02/04/2020 18:44

Firstly Flowers for you and your amazing colleagues

You have a demanding job, both emotionally and physically - you need the rest in between shifts. YANBU

DontTouchTheMoustache · 02/04/2020 18:45

Not even a tiny but unreasonable, i cant imagine how hard it must be and i make a point of checking in with my doctor friends daily because i am worried about the emotional and mental strain they are under.
Keep yourself healthy and do what you need to do to cope Flowers
The 27% saying you are being unreasonable are twats.

Hannah021 · 02/04/2020 18:45

we need you in a good mental state, i don't see a problem with taking your kids to school because you are a key worker anyway, and need a bloody break.

I would take them without thinking

Ilikefreshias · 02/04/2020 18:45

When you're not working you need to be able to rest and recharge so no you are not being unreasonable to put them in school. Thank you for what you do Thanks

Randomness12 · 02/04/2020 18:45

Teacher in what way is that helpful?

OP my Trust is actually encouraging this for the reasons you suggest. Take time, take care and thank you.

Original poster
hibbledobble · 02/04/2020 18:46

teacher Most likely myself and the children have already had it, and if they or I were going to catch it, it would be due to the massive exposure that I have at work. School is incredibly clean compared to long shifts on covid wards.

OP posts:
Chrisinthemorning · 02/04/2020 18:46

I was all ready to say YABU but then I read your OP.
YANBU and thank you Flowers

ChrisPriss · 02/04/2020 18:47

You're a key worker, you're important, send them to school and recharge for the next onslaught. Thank you for all you do xxx

MrsSpenserGregson · 02/04/2020 18:48

I think YABU actually, but I do understand why.

Your children are at high risk of contracting Covid from you, and then passing it to their teachers at school. Teachers like my DH, who are working unpaid during the easter holidays to provide key worker childcare. Teachers who will then bring the virus home and infect their families, who will then end up on your Covid ward being treated by you ...

I'm sorry, I don't have the answer, it is a really shit situation, but by putting your children in school you are putting other people's health at risk.

Hannah021 · 02/04/2020 18:48

@Teacher12345 there are two risks here, there is an already manifesting risk, and that's her mental health state, and there is "oh they could catch it" ... she'd need to deal with the current risk before it gets worse.

Given that you're a teacher, there is clearly a conflict of interest

noideaatallreally · 02/04/2020 18:49

I'm a teacher. I would be more than happy to add them to the students we have in school. Keep safe and keep well x

nerdsville · 02/04/2020 18:49

YANBU. Take the time to look after yourself, you need your physical and mental strength. Thank you to you and your colleagues for everything you are doing for us Flowers

Marieo · 02/04/2020 18:50

You need to put your oxygen mask on, so you can look after others

On her days off? Confused

I don't think given the circumstances you would be unreasonable, guessing you would only do it when you felt you needed to. As you know this will be an endurance race not a sprint most likely, and you need to make sure you are doing what you can to look after yourself, for all of you.

Teacher12345 · 02/04/2020 18:51

@Hannah021 There is and I get that we all need to look after our mental health and god knows we all need a break from the constant energy sucked from us by kids, but I am not sure that risking the spread by sending kids to school when it isn't completley neccessary is the way forward.

PrincessSarene · 02/04/2020 18:54

I came on this thread expecting to read it and say of course you would be unreasonable to put children in school while you’re at home. It is an emergency measure designed to allow key workers to go do their jobs where otherwise they would have to stay home and it’s not there for giving people some nice child free time. (From the tone of your post I am sure you already know this!)

However, having read your post, then first of all thank you for moving to the frontline of this fight. I think we should all be doing whatever we can to protect the NHS and to me that includes taking care of its workers. I would therefore not have a problem with you using this facility to also make sure you are recharged and capable of working at a decent level. This is assuming the school isn’t open to provide cover for just your kids - that might tip the balance in my opinion.

It sounds like you’re really stressed out at the moment, so I hope you find ways to de-stress whatever you decide to do.

VistaOfFreedom · 02/04/2020 18:57

If the kids are already going to school on her workings days, it's really not going to make any difference if they also go in on her non-working days is it?!
Of course they should go to school

WhyNotMe40 · 02/04/2020 18:57

If they are already in school on the days you work, then additionally putting them in on the days you are not working is not increasing the risk to the other children, or teachers I don't think. It will also not increase the risk of them catching it from school, as you say they are much more likely to catch it from you.
So I would say, as long as they are in school otherwise, then YANBU

SummerHouse · 02/04/2020 18:58

You need to do whatever you need to do to keep yourself in a working state. And the nation needs to do whatever it needs to do to support you. If that's sending kids to school so be it. I trust your judgement. If I was your friend I would have your children. Thank you so much. I feel there should be a better solution where children go to individual registered childminders so there isn't a mixing pot of cross contamination but that's not an option.

Original poster
hibbledobble · 02/04/2020 18:58

Thank you for the many kind posts. I am crying again reading what I wrote. I feel totally bewildered at the moment. It's not that I haven't seen deaths before, but the scale and everything else is difficult to cope with. Patients are also dying alone as their families aren't able to visit, which is heartbreaking.

I hope the hospital provides sufficient psychological help, as all of us on the frontline will need it.

OP posts:
museumum · 02/04/2020 18:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

dottiedodah · 02/04/2020 18:58

Firstly thank you so much for all you are doing to keep us safe.I couldnt imagine being a Doctor in even the best of circumstances ,let alone now FFS. Ignore those who say YABU you are bloody well not! You need some downtime to keep yourself healthy ,and able to look after everyone else as well! Take care and look after yourself first .You are doing a great job We will be out clapping for you tonight!