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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To put children in school when I'm not working?

239 replies

hibbledobble · 02/04/2020 18:40

I know that at the moment, school is childcare for key workers only, and that children should only go in when necessary.

I'm a junior doctor, and I have just been sent to covid-19 wards, from previously doing a speciality.

I am happy to help in these extraordinary circumstances, but I am struggling with the current situation. There has been a lot of anxiety regarding the change into an unfamiliar environment, and lack of communication from the hospital. I haven't done general medicine for a very long time.

Emotionally it is harrowing right now, and I find myself crying daily at work. It is really difficult to cope. As doctors, we have been warned that we will all have PTSD by the end of this.

Would IBU to put my children in school some days when I'm not working, to give myself some space to focus on my mental health?

OP posts:
TheSoapyFrog · 02/04/2020 20:21

YANBU at all. It's vitally important that you rest and take care of your mental health.

Andpiglettoo · 02/04/2020 20:22

Do it, without hesitation.

foodtoorder · 02/04/2020 20:22

Definitely put them in and take time to rest. Whatever it takes 🙏

Spied · 02/04/2020 20:24

Just curious.
What if a carer or supermarket worker said they wanted to send their DC to school on their day off?

jinglebitch · 02/04/2020 20:25

I can’t get over teachers on here trying to equate being at school as being “hard”...in the same way that working with dying patients in hospital is hard. Absolutely shameful. And “working for free” in the holidays? All the teachers I know, myself included, are being paid our full wage to work either one week in 4, or one day every 4...I hardly think going in for a couple of days in the holidays is much of an ask. We get to go out, spend time with other people than our families, in schools which are being kept scrupulously clean, and all measures in place to protect us as much as is reasonable. I for one am honoured to be doing my tiny little bit to keep the system running, and am in utter awe of drs and nurses who are actually dealing with all of this horror. Our job is not “exhausting”, trying to keep people alive is exhausting.
Please send your children in whenever you need to OP, and to the previous poster in the police, thanks so much also for your work, and I’m sorry your school are being so unsupportive.

Hannah021 · 02/04/2020 20:25

Its laughable, people destroyer expect drs to be there for them, and when drs need them, they turn their back at them

All drs, nurses, etc can choose to stay at home and help no body... And if we ask you, would u rather the nhs collapses or have drs/nurses take their kids to school, what would u rather??? Stressed out drs will eventually walk out. We need to be there to support, cuz none of us wants to rush to hospital to be told, no drs to help you or your loved ones.

Bloody selfish ppl

LolaSmiles · 02/04/2020 20:26

Definitely do what you need.

If they are in school on your working days then the consistency may offer them some stability and give you time to fill you metaphorical glass back before you pour into everyone else's at the hospital.

Catmanduu · 02/04/2020 20:26

@Destroyer

The op is putting other people’s children at risk the more they are in when they don’t need to be in.

^^ seriously ?
They are attending school anyway.

However if putting children at risk is the priority, then op could get herself signed off with a stress related condition.
Go off on full sick pay. And completely eliminate the risk of her child carrying the virus to school by staying out of work for months and looking after her own kids.
It would be win win for her. Why wouldn’t she? I would bet there’s many that would.

But she wants to preserve her mental health and continue on the front line.

Yet there are judgey people like you, who are probably absolutely clueless about the reality of the job.

And who can’t calculate risk :
Risk of one or two days extra day at school Per week with mostly people children are already mixing with (bearing in mind children are generally not considered at risk from Covid 19) VERSUS complete loss of doctor from front line who the nhs has to Continue to pay.....
Doesn’t take a statistician to work that one out.

Op, do what you need to. And don’t take any notice of the rubbish spouted by joe blogs the public.
I would quite happily bet if it was their relative you were treating, you had taken a very small risk of an extra day at childcare to ensure you could do your best (even be there at all, versus sick).

Phoebesgift · 02/04/2020 20:27

It doesnt take mental skill to work in a supermarket.

Changeofname79 · 02/04/2020 20:28

You are definitely not being unreasonable. In fact some of the schools near us are only taking keyworkers children mon-fri and not just on the days when they are working.

You need to be able to function well when at work. I would be surprised if any teacher did not understand this. Unfortunately the DCs are passing it round on the days they are in anyway so I don't think this would make any difference.

Catmanduu · 02/04/2020 20:28

*I would quite happily bet they would be agreeing with you if it was their relative you were treating

Changeofname79 · 02/04/2020 20:31

I don't think it's ok to send your kids in if you are working in a supermarket on days off, totally different scenario to a doctor or nurse.

Xjsnejdnd · 02/04/2020 20:33

I’m in a similar situation. Please don’t feel guilty. I work nights and the kids go so I can get some rest before work again. It means I’m more rested, happier and a better mum/nurse. Please make sure you are looking after yourself xx

Spied · 02/04/2020 20:33

Maybe the situation has caused mental strain on the worker. Maybe they are struggling with being in contact with so many people each day. Maybe they feel overwhelmed and need to recharge.
Not skill but manpower.
What about the skilled carer looking after the Dr's grandparent? Overwhelmed and in need of a day off? Irreplaceable surely?
( This is not me btw. Devil's advocate)

StormyClouds · 02/04/2020 20:35

Nope- this is not what schools are open for. You are putting other DC and teachers at risk by sending him.

Usuallytootiredbuthappyanyway · 02/04/2020 20:35

As a teacher at a school open for keyworker children I can 100% assure YANBU. You need to rest in your time off so you can continue with the amazing work you are doing. Thank you

chocolateisavegetable · 02/04/2020 20:35

If this is the one thing you can do to give yourself a little breathing space, you do it and don't feel guilty for a moment

Changeofname79 · 02/04/2020 20:37

@HopefullyAnonymous you totally deserve rest too, what a job you are doing, you sound amazing but you actually sound exhausted even in your posts. Take care of yourself Flowers

I am not a keyworker but corporate NHS and I am exhausted just doing what I'm doing, I literally don't know how you all do it.

babbi · 02/04/2020 20:38

In no way are you being unreasonable. You are being very sensible and practical .
Thank you sincerely for what you are doing for us .
I wish you and your family the very best in these difficult times x

sqirrelfriends · 02/04/2020 20:40

Nope, I don't think anyone could judge you for that.

Thank you for being there.

lalafafa · 02/04/2020 20:40

you need to rest on your days off, send them to school.

Destroyer · 02/04/2020 20:41

This is not a game. The other children and the staff need protecting from the very real and very dangerous Coronavirus. Better one medical person was off sick with mental health problems (off properly sick, being paid and in recovery) than they increase the risk of physical illness (Coronavirus) being spread via children to other children and families and increasing the load on the NHS. We all have our part to play.

itsgettingweird · 02/04/2020 20:44

I still cannot believe there are some people who are not even remotely aware of what our frontline nhs are having to go through everyday.

I'm also really please to see fellow teacher keyworkers here who are like me saying send them down. We know the risks but are willing to do our bit to help you do our bit for our friends, family and neighbours who may need you.

Original poster
hibbledobble · 02/04/2020 20:45

@Destroyer you are missing out that if I was signed off sick, then the hospital would be short another doctor at a time when we are desperately needed. Currently about 40% of doctors are sick or self isolating, this is due in large part due to not having staff testing available.

Less doctors means more people dying. We are already at breaking point at the hospital, and the peak is still to come.

OP posts:
cookiemonster5 · 02/04/2020 20:46

In our area you wouldn't be allowed to put them in. You have to be at work during the hours of 9-3 to be permitted access. I have a friend who doesn't nights and she finishes at 7 am needing to sleep ready for her next shift but she was refused a place.

It's not unreasonable but you need to check your councils rules first.

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