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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To put children in school when I'm not working?

239 replies

hibbledobble · 02/04/2020 18:40

I know that at the moment, school is childcare for key workers only, and that children should only go in when necessary.

I'm a junior doctor, and I have just been sent to covid-19 wards, from previously doing a speciality.

I am happy to help in these extraordinary circumstances, but I am struggling with the current situation. There has been a lot of anxiety regarding the change into an unfamiliar environment, and lack of communication from the hospital. I haven't done general medicine for a very long time.

Emotionally it is harrowing right now, and I find myself crying daily at work. It is really difficult to cope. As doctors, we have been warned that we will all have PTSD by the end of this.

Would IBU to put my children in school some days when I'm not working, to give myself some space to focus on my mental health?

OP posts:
OoohTheStatsDontLie · 02/04/2020 18:58

When people are asking if they should do something at the moment, I think the first question should be does it increase the risk to the public? Then does it increase the risk to you? In your case if your children are in school sometimes anyway, I dont think it really increases the risk to anyone if they are say in school 5 days instead of 2. And it doesnt increase the risk to you as that's obviously highest from where you work anyway. So there are no downsides and quite a high positive from you managing your mental health and recharging etc.

Long winded way of saying, go for it!

CatherineCawood · 02/04/2020 19:00

100% fine to do that. Go for it. And thank you Flowers

MasakaBuzz · 02/04/2020 19:02

You are a doctor. That suggests a level of intelligence.

Simple cost benefit analysis- What action will have the greatest impact on the NHS and the fight? You cracking up and coming out of health care altogether, or you putting your kids in school for an extra day or two, and keep on going?

Don’t be a dingbat - put the kids in school.

1066vegan · 02/04/2020 19:03

I'm a teacher. I'd be glad to have them in my class under those circumstances
Looking after them would be the least I could do to thank you for what you are doing for us all.

HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend · 02/04/2020 19:05

I think you need to do what you need to do, personally I’d minimise my children’s risk as much as possible (key worker and my children are not in school).

However I am not you, there is no easy answer to this.

GreyishDays · 02/04/2020 19:06

I think the ‘put your oxygen mask on’ is a reference to how in a plane you need to look after yourself in order to be able to look after those who need you to help. If you don’t take care of yourself you’re no help to anyone.

cerealmilk · 02/04/2020 19:06

Do it. Flowers

MayTheGodsBeEverInYourFavour · 02/04/2020 19:06

You must absolutely do anything & everything that helps you to cope with the stressful nature of your job at this time. Your children will understand, or will when they are old enough. They will rightly be proud of you, & it could provide some stability for them as well, which is, after all, one of the functions of school. Hope you stay well. FlowersFlowersFlowers

Anyone who says otherwise is heartless, & clearly doesn't understand. How would it be helpful to anyone to have the OP, & other medical staff, more stressed & tired than they already are at this terrible time. Get some perspective.

MuseumOfYou · 02/04/2020 19:07

*You need to put your oxygen mask on, so you can look after others

On her days off?*

I don't think it's meant literally; it's a metaphor for looking after yourself so you are fit enough to be able to look after other people. It's what you do when a plane gets in trouble!

riotlady · 02/04/2020 19:08

Yanbu, they’re already going in on your working days and mixing with the children and teachers there, I don’t think going in an extra day here or there will increase the risk much and it sounds like it’s important to tour mental health

McCanne · 02/04/2020 19:09

YA definitely NBU. At all.

Sceptre86 · 02/04/2020 19:10

Do whatever you think is going to get you through the next few months and if that means sending the kids to school then do so. My DH is a junior dr too, he works in a different city and we are all incredibly worried about his physical and mental health. Hats off to you Flowers

Janus · 02/04/2020 19:10

*VistaOfFreedom

If the kids are already going to school on her workings days, it's really not going to make any difference if they also go in on her non-working days is it?!
Of course they should go to school*

This is a very good point, they are going to school anyway so going in on your precious couple days off so you can recharge seems 100% fine to me.

Can I also add a huge thank you to you and all your colleagues for the amazing, tireless and emotional work you do ❤️

FlockofGulls · 02/04/2020 19:11

YAdefinitelyNOTBU

You are working for all of us, and all of us need you to be calm and rested. If this means having a clear day to yourself, then put your children into school - schools are being kept open for the children of keyworkers.

And I bet your children will like to get out and be with other children!

Bubbinsmakesthree · 02/04/2020 19:15

If your DC are going to school on your working days already the additional risk is presumably pretty low (just a bit more time in the same environment with largely the same people). The benefit to you mental health (and therefore your ability to do a vital job) is huge. Do what you need to and thank you for doing a job most of us couldn’t imagine coping with, there is no sufficient amount of gratitude x

rc22 · 02/04/2020 19:16

Approach the school and see what they say. I can't see why they wouldn't be amenable to this. You need to be in good mental health to do your job. You also need to be in good mental health to take care of your children.

plum1304 · 02/04/2020 19:16

As a head running a school with my amazing team YOU and your colleagues are the reason we are open. Please send them to us so you can rest and recover.

DuLANGDuLANGDuLANG · 02/04/2020 19:17

I think you are shero and are most definitely NOT BU.

Talk it over with the head if you need reassurance, I know our school is open everyday and the number of kids attending is pretty small. I don’t think kids on the list are expected to only attend on shift days and frontline NHS staff are all working crazy hours, inc weekends. You need to sleep and shop and clean etc on your day off too.

I hope the government provides you all with mental health support through this and beyond. I can’t imagine how it feels to suddenly find yourself on a battlefield, no HCP has had the training to truly prepare for this.

❤️

Destroyer · 02/04/2020 19:18

Wow. Why are you a special key Worker? Why should you be allowed to when other key workers can’t?

YABU

MeganBacon · 02/04/2020 19:18

Please look after yourself and if you think that is best done by putting the kids in school, do it. Don't hesitate for one second.

Destroyer · 02/04/2020 19:20

Most likely myself and the children have already had it, and if they or I were going to catch it, it would be due to the massive exposure that I have at work. School is incredibly clean compared to long shifts on covid wards.

And then your children can pass it on to the other children of key workers? Nice.

School is not clean, because children are not generally good at keeping themselves clean or distant.

You may not have enough PPE, but schools have none. O. Zilch.

spiderlight · 02/04/2020 19:21

I got as far as 'I'm a junior doctor' - those words alone mean that as far as I'm concerned, you can do whatever the heck is right for you at the moment. A few extra hours in school won't make a great deal of difference to your kids if they're there when you're working anyway, and given the unthinkable stress you must be under, you need that time to at least try to decompress. Flowers

StripyHorse · 02/04/2020 19:22

From the title I was all prepared to say YABU but then I read your post. Of course you are not BU. I can't even begin to imagine what it must be like.

Take the time you need!

Roweeeeena · 02/04/2020 19:23

Yanbu
Please take the kind, positive replies from here and try to avoid the inevitable idiots that will tell you otherwise. The kids are in school anyway, they could catch it on the days you are working. You and your colleagues need to be looking after your mental health more than anyone else right now quite frankly.

Bringringbring12 · 02/04/2020 19:23

Presumably your partner also a key worker? In which case - not unreasonable in the slightest

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