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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Very elderly shopping in Sainsburys today!

309 replies

ohdearmissus · 31/03/2020 15:48

AIBU to feel unusually angry when seeing elderly (80's90's) shopping in Sainsburys today?
Angry enough to be posting here in aibu for the 1st time.
I realise that I am probably naive..but the elderly that I know are self isolating and being responsible...following the instructions we have been given..
I understand that they are likely aware of the risks...but I am trying to work out if I am raging because I'm thinking that if they do become ill..they will expect to be cared for by the nhs.
Quite simply..of the people that I saw today..if they catch coronavirus...baring a miracle...it will be the end for them..Maybe what has made me so angry is that if people are clearly not following the advice (I had thought that most were)...then this is going to continue to spread.
We all have to do our bit.
Happy to be told iabu..but trying to calm myself down by posting here!

OP posts:
damnitnotlistening · 31/03/2020 20:08

Some of them have no choice but to go out and shop. Some of them have no one to help them. Some of them can't do online shopping. Some of them are probably shopping for friends and neighbours as they're ill. Some of them have very genuine reasons.
Some of them just don't understand or don't care as they are ready to pop off if that's their path.
Don't be angry at them all. Be angry at a nation that does not do enough to safeguard elderly in times of crisis.

Ispymyl1ttleeye · 31/03/2020 20:08

Becca

Our household are currently investigating volunteering on our non working days.
We are currently professionally employed & have passed many checks for our employer & have ID

Why would you want to discourage people from volunteering in their local area, under the current circumstances ?

There must be people unable to access food & medicine

peterlon1 · 31/03/2020 20:10

Smells great

Ispymyl1ttleeye · 31/03/2020 20:13

We have volunteered in the past & raised money for various charities in the past

I'm actually quite hurt to think that someone would be "offended by help"

This situation could go on for months...

Sad
NiteFlights · 31/03/2020 20:15

@peterlon1 enjoy! Grin

peterlon1 · 31/03/2020 20:15

If I wasn’t such a bloody cripple I would volunteer brain still works but that’s about it these days lol

PumpkinP · 31/03/2020 20:16

Are you for real?! Even if you are lucky enough to get an online shop doesn’t mean you will actually get it. My sisters Tesco order cancelled on her tonight an hour before it was due to come! Luckily she drives so she’s gone to collect it but if that happened to me I don’t drive so would have to go out to the shops and cancel the order, how do you know the same hasn’t happened to this woman?! Hope people won’t judge me for bringing my kids like on here as I’m a lone parent and they are not old enough to be left alone. Maybe we should just starve instead. No everyone has friends or family to get their shopping.

NiteFlights · 31/03/2020 20:16

they are ready to pop off if that's their path. JFC do people not see how selfish this is.

peterlon1 · 31/03/2020 20:17

I wouldn’t be offended by an offer of help and I hope it won’t go on for months I will go stir crazy

Thisisworsethananticpated · 31/03/2020 20:17

How the FUCK are they supposed to eat OP ? You want them to die of starvation presumably

peterlon1 · 31/03/2020 20:21

@PumpkinP most of us are on your side and sorry for your sister, same as I said to earlier person, their slogan this years is “every little helps” the little bit they did was tell her. I have come the the conclusion that the supermarkets are arseholes cos they know we need them so they treat us like shit.

peterlon1 · 31/03/2020 20:24

@NiteFlights I would if it weren’t for the bloody teeth, meant to have 4 out 2 weeks ago but was cancelled hurts like hell when I eat. But it tastes great thanks

peterlon1 · 31/03/2020 20:28

All my hospital appointments have been cancelled I miss seeing the team that looks after me but I know it’s for my own good as can’t catch this virus would be end of me, heart would give out first, that’s if the shot immune system doesn’t shut down everything else before hand.

Maidofdishonour · 31/03/2020 20:31

My 80 year old neighbour insists on going to Sainsbury’s every Friday because that’s what she has been doing for the last 50 years. Her 50 year old son lives with her and could take her on Saturday but she still insists that she has to go on Friday. Our local shop is doing home delivery but that doesn’t suit because she likes a certain make of yoghurt.

peterlon1 · 31/03/2020 20:34

@MaidofDishonour I know us old buggers are so set in our ways and our likes and dislikes

Becca19962014 · 31/03/2020 20:37

ispy perhaps I wasn't clear.

The person delivering medication had access to confidential information and refused to identify who they were or how they'd got my information. They frightened me by constantly keeping their finger on my bell and hammering on the door until it was opened, ignoring social distancing rules. By time I opened the door i was having a full on anxiety attack and they refused to show any Id or anything at all other than tell me I was being silly.

The person who went next door assulted me, seriously and repeatedly for years without consequence. He now has access to data on the database. I cannot and will not risk him finding out where I live.

I'm not trying to put people off volunteering or accepting help, merely explaining why I won't sign up for it, hence ignoring the isolation notice. Because the only reason he will have signed up is to target vulnerable women on their own (because that's what he does and, that I found out when I went to womens aid who knew exactly who I was talking about with minimal details and that's what he does). He shouldn't be allowed anywhere near a list with vulnerable women on it.

I assume you don't fall into either of those categories.

LynetteScavo · 31/03/2020 20:43

I asked my DM, in her 80's and shielding, if she wanted to join the local FB corona support group.She didn't want to as she can't help people at the moment. I had to point out to her that people may be able to help her. I'm very surprised she isn't going off to Sainsbury's on her bike twice a week. If she did, she would be risking her own health much more than others.

peterlon1 · 31/03/2020 20:43

OMG @Becca19962014 that is an awful situation to be in, you must report this person if not in person get the people who aided you to. He needs to be gotten away from that situation. I know you will find this hard to believe but as a child I was in a similar situation, and bottled it up until I was an adult. Please please seek help you need to keep you safe I wish I could give to further advice and information but I have none. Please stay safe.

Gobbycop · 31/03/2020 20:50

Are you actually for real?

Holy fuck.

peterlon1 · 31/03/2020 20:51

@Gobbycop is who for real?

Becca19962014 · 31/03/2020 20:53

peter it's been reported, many, many times by me and others.

He isn't stupid and has the mental health team running rings around the police on his behalf when reported. At most he ends up back in hospital targeting another woman.

To be blunt until he goes after someone who isn't in a vulnerable position e.g. No family/friends to help he'll keep getting away with it and he knows it.

He met me in hospital where I was for several weeks, with no visitors and staff bitching openly about me. The last few days were hell as that was when he began hurting and threatening me. All I got told upon reporting it was he was more ill, he always targetted "someone" and I should either put up with it or leave. I wasn't on section so when I could leave, did. After I left I met another woman who he befriended in the same position as me.

I've seen it before and unless such a person trips themselves up, there's nothing that can be done.

Police, women's aid all know him. They also all know any attempts to do anything at most mean he's put back in hospital with other vulnerable women.

Becca19962014 · 31/03/2020 20:58

To be absolutely clear I am not suggesting every volunteer is like this man or the one who delivered my medication

However, with the experiences I've had I simply cannot risk being on any kind of register so despite having a letter about being high risk I continue to go out.

I posted what I did to explain that others, whilst not confronted by those who have hurt them volunteering, may feel equally unsafe and thus are going out.

peterlon1 · 31/03/2020 21:01

Becca sent you private message we don’t need to talk about this on open forum

Becca19962014 · 31/03/2020 21:05

I just wanted the person above to know I wasn't being nasty about all volunteers and to understand.

Sorry for derailing your thread op.

peterlon1 · 31/03/2020 21:08

I don’t think OP has been here for some time Becca as she hasn’t added to the conversation for ages

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