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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Very elderly shopping in Sainsburys today!

309 replies

ohdearmissus · 31/03/2020 15:48

AIBU to feel unusually angry when seeing elderly (80's90's) shopping in Sainsburys today?
Angry enough to be posting here in aibu for the 1st time.
I realise that I am probably naive..but the elderly that I know are self isolating and being responsible...following the instructions we have been given..
I understand that they are likely aware of the risks...but I am trying to work out if I am raging because I'm thinking that if they do become ill..they will expect to be cared for by the nhs.
Quite simply..of the people that I saw today..if they catch coronavirus...baring a miracle...it will be the end for them..Maybe what has made me so angry is that if people are clearly not following the advice (I had thought that most were)...then this is going to continue to spread.
We all have to do our bit.
Happy to be told iabu..but trying to calm myself down by posting here!

OP posts:
Port1aCastis · 31/03/2020 18:37

I think the moral of this thread is
Brain in gear before posting
What you see in sainsbos is not always thread fodder

peterlon1 · 31/03/2020 18:38

ah VideographybyLouBloom who are you refering to? cos everybody on here is saying the same thing. I think you missed the thread somewhere

PureedSocksAndPants · 31/03/2020 18:44

I hope no-one looks at my elderly parents out shopping and assumes no one can help them. Ive offered and offered. I phone them regularly, get shopping and medication etc. Also set them up with online shopping but I’m willing to get things too as I know it’s difficult.

But then they tell me they’ve still gone back out again and again because frankly they just want to.

demelzaaa · 31/03/2020 18:46

One 85 year old I know tried to avail himself of Sainsbury's fabled priority home delivery for the elderly. He has used their delivery service many times, after various operations.

After spending nearly an hour on hold on the phone to them, he was told they had "no record" of his previously being a dlivery customer and that the number on his Nectar card, which he uses about three times a week, was "not in the system." He was then told "you will have to come in store and prove your identity." And he tried to repeat his Nectar card number and was hung up on.

peterlon1 · 31/03/2020 18:47

possumgoddess if you can get click and collect lucky you i would travel 20 miles for that but cannot get one at all, and if it is to shop of course you can travel 20 miles. All you have to do if anyone asks is explain. Do you have a blue badge? that will allow you to travel for C&C

demelzaaa · 31/03/2020 18:48

@Halloweenbabyy

I’m pregnant and have had some horrible looks when I’m tescos!

Sorry to hear that. At least the cunts won't be trying to touch your bump!

peterlon1 · 31/03/2020 18:49

I know PureedSocksAndPants when we get past that 65 mark we become more stubborn than ever, annoying buggers ain't we.

CarolHasAnotherUTI · 31/03/2020 18:50

I say it because it sounds like you are suggesting that scientists may have a part to play in causing the problem in order to decide funding to find a cure.

But I apologise for saying it, I'm usually better than that.

peterlon1 · 31/03/2020 18:52

demelzaaa you are lucky you got through to them I have tried and tried and tried and just get cut off all the time. but I understand your frustration on too well, and they don't even have an email address to write to now and in store they do nothing believe me I have tried.

iklboo · 31/03/2020 18:54

raging because I'm thinking that if they do become ill..they will expect to be cared for by the nhs.

They've probably paid decades of NI contributions to do so.

FrancesHaHa · 31/03/2020 18:57

Surely older people are the most likely to be out shopping?

Less likely to use the internet or have access to internet shopping

Lots of older people get a state pension so likely to shop little and often

Not usually at work so more likely to have a weekly routine of going to the shops

Used to shopping little and often so may have smaller fridge/ freezer space

Obviously not all older people in these categories mind you.

peterlon1 · 31/03/2020 18:57

Hi CarolHasAnotherUTI now don't put words into my mouth, all I said was perhaps if we didn't mess around with things so much then some of these things might not be here I wasn't putting the blame on anyone, nor would I. Having said that i was horrified to hear that the Chinese eat Pangolin among other things and i wonder should humans be eating such things? and no apology needed I was just wondering why you said it that was all.

tegucigalpa13 · 31/03/2020 18:58

My DF is 93 and has dementia. He worked as a doctor his entire life and is still a higher rate tax payer. Ironically he would have chosen to end his own life three years ago if he had had his own way as he did not want to die of dementia - but the state insisted he carry on. Given the circumstances we would expect him to be treated by the NHS if he needed treatment.

All the advice about registering for on line shopping slots, applying for special treatment because you are vulnerable, joining in virtual coffee mornings etc is completely meaningless for him and the 1000s like him who do not know what the internet is and could not use it even if they had it installed in their homes. He is lucky because he has family to look out for him in a crisis like this - but there are 1000s without any support network. Many will be dependent on informal care arrangements which will not have survived this crisis.

Many of those who are shopping in supermarkets would be slowly starving to death if they could not get out. And I can guarantee that when we assess the results of these policies there will be some that have done exactly that.

demelzaaa · 31/03/2020 18:58

@peterlon1 that's crap for you. I don't use Sainsbury's much anyway but I will actively avoid them now. This elderly fella was quite upset.

DeadButDelicious · 31/03/2020 18:59

Maybe they don't have someone to ask to help them with their shopping, maybe they don't want to ask some one. Maybe they don't have/can't use the internet? And even if they could delivery lots are like hens bloody teeth near me so a lot of folk are having to go to the shops if they want to eat.

Unless they have been told that they need to shield because of an underlying health condition then they have as much right to pop to the shops for essential items as anyone else. Insinuating that going to the shops for food somehow makes them less deserving of NHS care should they fall ill is disgusting. So yeah, YABU.

peterlon1 · 31/03/2020 19:02

well I have a small fridge and freezer no need for anything bigger just for me, lost the wife(soulmate) 2.5 years ago still cannot get used to her not being here. but like many my age we were around for the start of computers so used them for years, wife did too, both had to for work. and yeah paid my dues in NI contributions twice over as usually had 2 jobs. NHS changed everything to computers some time ago.

Bathroom12345 · 31/03/2020 19:05

DS does the early shift for the elderly at very well known sm. Same people coming every single day. One told the manager she loves the new arrangements and doesn’t want to miss out. Another asked whether it could be extended after this is all over.

Generally they come in every day anyway so have no real intention of changing that. Of course not every old person but DS also sees the same families every time he is on shift. I think if you asked them what they were doing they would say that they feel healthy enough and they have always come out EVERY SINGLE DAY so why stop now.

peterlon1 · 31/03/2020 19:07

Thanks demelzaaa but I am a tough old git really(mind over matter you know) and when the time comes I will make my voice heard in the right direction.

peterlon1 · 31/03/2020 19:11

Bathroom12345 I hope that isn't the sm in the orange that we have all been ranting at cos they won't talk to customers in some of our situations? been customer of theirs for years and many years ago worked for them too for very unhappy with them at present along with others.

MinesaPinot · 31/03/2020 19:11

My mum is 83 and has been in the house for two weeks. We took her some shopping prior to lockdown but she has told me she needs to go out tomorrow. She's got to go on the bus (which is empty) as she needs some shopping, go to the bank and pay her bills. She is not tech savvy, has no internet and doesn't want it. I have offered to take her some shopping and leave it on the step (an hour round trip) but she wants to get out. I asked if there has been anything throughthe door offering assistance but she said no and she wants to get out anyway. She says she is taking wipes, gel and being careful, and she's going early to avoid people as much as possible. She says she needs to get out just for her mental health as much as anything.

I think that may be the same for a lot of elderly folk. Going out to the shop and talking to the cashiers be the only contact they have all week.

peterlon1 · 31/03/2020 19:13

I hope she stays safe and well MinesaPinot

Alsohuman · 31/03/2020 19:19

I guess some of you would think I’m “elderly” (vile word) as I’m 66. I’m being incredibly sensible and shopping once a week. It’s the highlight of the week, it makes me feel almost normal. I imagine a lot of people who are considerably older than me feel the same. And online shopping? Apparently the available slots are late April, what are we supposed to eat until then?

Nat6999 · 31/03/2020 19:23

If it wasn't for the fact myself & da have been here since Christmas, she would have no choice but to go out shopping, ds does her sainsburys online order & I do the Morrison's one for everything we can't get at Sainsburys.

peterlon1 · 31/03/2020 19:24

with you all the way @Alsohuman on difference is I have had to do online as at times I can't get out, these old pins stop working now and then just like the hands, as I said earlier but no one commented will mince that has been in my freezer nearly a year be ok? as cooked it for my dinner.

pissedoffretailworker · 31/03/2020 19:26

I'm sad seeing elderly people who are out shopping but having spoken to quite a few it's a case of they want to. One lady told me her daughter shops for her but she is bored at home so gets 2 buses to browse the open shops and then goes home again all the time her daughter thinks she is safe at home. What upsets me is the amount of people shopping with their kids. Not just women on their own but couples. Why bring your kids to a place that they don't need to be at this time Confused

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