Incredibly sad. (Might be triggering)

[Molliemoo10]

This year was the last year for DH and I to try for NHS funded fertility treatment.

Due to the virus we are basically fucked.

My GP told us that the rules for treatment had become incredibly strict and she had already had two people refused in the last month (this was about a month before lockdown)
I'm 35, 36 this year and apparently as 35 is the cut off age the fertility clinic won't even look at it after I'm 36.

So basically we've got until October when I have my 36th birthday.

Obviously the virus looks likely to cause issues until at least September...do you see where I'm going here?

We have missed our chance due to this virus and there is no way we could afford to get help privately.

And before anyone starts, yes we wbu to leave it so late but other issues meant we couldn't try for help sooner.

I understand this isn't really AIBU but I really need a good bit of MN pragmatism and AIBU is the best place to get that!

Hey there, sorry to hear this - I had a five year wait for my baby and did various fertility treatments (all of which had to be paid for because I was too old for funded). I live in New Zealand and it is actually more expensive here than in Europe. We ended up using a Czech fertility clinic which was half the price of here and they were way more experienced - after two unsuccessful rounds here in NZ (8 transfers) we had success with first transfer in Czech Republic and now have a fabulous 3 year old. Their prices are very reasonable - I would thoroughly recommend and if you want to DM me I'm more than happy to share my experience. Good luck! :-) x

Hi op...I'm sorry you are going through this.

Can I suggest (if you haven't already done so) you bow out of this thread. Perhaps even get h.q. to delete. And consider starting one over on the infertility board.

Some people have been kind/helpful but some are displaying a level of ignorance that you shouldn't need to deal with.

Take care.

Would you be totally against adopting?

The op is still hoping to conceive her own child, that is obvious from her posts, she has also said she wants to have her own child. That is quite natural, not everyone wants to adopt nor would be suitable for it. Anyone would think adoption was easy or automatically 'the next step' - it's not! Whatever, if they do decide to look into adoption the decision has to come from them without undue influence.

The op sounds really nice and gentle. I doubt she expected all these biased comments and 'advice'.

Nobody can walk in someone else's shoes. Those of us who have had a child or children without too much trouble do not really know what it feels like to not conceive - maybe if there is someone very close to them.

Good luck op.

@LostInTheWoods1 You’d be surprised. My twins are DE babies and my DS is the absolute spitting image of my DF. Everyone comments on it, even strangers when we are out and about.

It’s very likely that at 47 they used DE. People see that they want to see. Some people tell me my DD looks like me but she really doesn’t!

Wow some of these comments are so incredibly insensitive, I'm really sorry you've had to read these OP.

For anyone suggesting adoption, now is NOT the time. Not when OP has just learnt her plans have been delayed / possibly changed indefinitely. OP needs time to process and grieve for the plans she had.

OP, I'm so sorry about your situation. I don't have much experience of the IVF system, but reading what others have said, and taking into account your age (which is still relatively young in the grand scheme and I would think definitely does not rule you out of IVF just yet by any means), I feel positive for you that this isn't the end of the road for you with IVF. Hopefully your trust will extend the cut off for you, or you will be able to use another trust with different rules.

I do know a bit more about irregular cycles, PCOS, and have myself used metformin for many years. Myo inositol does the same job as metformin, so using one or the other can be helpful to regulate cycles. Another thing if you haven't tried it is Agnus Castus - really good for regulating cycles / restarting them. Can take 2 - 3 months to reach the full effects. Could be worth a try whilst this lockdown situation continues. I don't think you mentioned whether you'd tried clomid? Talking to your GP about this possibility could be another option.

Oh, and the 47 year old - absolutely zero chance those were her own eggs from a fresh cycle. Would either have been donor eggs, or a frozen transfer from a cycle done many years earlier.

Where I live the cut off for treatment for women is 40. I think it's worth ringing around different areas.

@Mintychoc1
The age cut off for fertility treatment on the NHS and other criteria are all determined by the CCG in which your GP surgery is located. It can vary a lot between CCGs.

Given the current crisis with Coronavirus it probably isn’t worth ringing around as the CCG will have other priorities and the information for each CCG can be found on line anyway.

If you haven't been referred to a fertility specialist yet that could still happen. The fertility specialist has to apply for the funding for things like ivf/icsi not for the preliminary investigations. So if you haven't had yet had these done that will be a positive.
These virus will change the face of health care for some time, I can see funding fertility treatment dropping way further down the list than it already is sadly.
I hope you do get there though, the ivf process seems so far out I'd reach when first starting it.

This is absolutely heartbreaking. If you started a go fund me page or something similar for private treatment I’d love to contribute. I don’t have much (probs be out of my overdraft tbh) but you shouldn’t loose such a massive opportunity due to this horrific situation! Xxx

I know in the current climate it's selfish of me but I wanted my own baby, I wanted to be pregnant and to have the whole experience.
I don't want someone else's child, I want my own.
(I know I sound like a petulant child and yes I am ashamed)

Then rhat makes me a petulant child as well but I'm not ashamed and neither should you be.

This was my main reason for not wanting to adopt, along with what FunkyKingston said together with the continued birth-parent involvement etc etc.

No shame in that