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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To leave husband during lockdown

619 replies

MWallsb · 29/03/2020 21:53

Currently living with my husband in a remote area far away from any of my family and friends, who are all in London where I’m from originally. Since getting married last year and subsequently moving to my husband’s hometown, he’s become abusive both physically and mentally. Prior to lockdown, things were just about manageable as he’d spend long hours at work and often worked away for extended periods of time. For the last two weeks, he’s been WFH and things have become unbearable. My anxiety is through the roof and I don’t feel able to cope in the home. It has dawned on me that I need to leave the marriage sooner rather than later. I’m lucky enough to have a great support network of family and friends, however, all are in London. My sister who lives in central London and has asked me to pack my things and travel up to stay with her for my safety until the lockdown is over, after which time I can then look at a longer term plan.

I’m of course aware of the very strict rules in place at the moment with regards to non essential travel. From what I’ve read, it’s acceptable to leave home if travelling to a refuge, but it’s not permissible to leave home to stay with family elsewhere. I have both a car or a train station nearby to get me in to central London, but it’s a 2 hour journey and I’m seeing all over the news about the police stopping people to ask for evidence as to why they are travelling and issuing fines/forcing them to return back home if their reason for travelling is not permissible etc.

If I were to leave, it would have to be without my husband knowing (in the night or making a quick getaway whilst he’s out of the house). I’m terrified I might attempt to travel in to London and be stopped or forced to return home again which would have awful implications for me. I suppose I’m just looking for some advice really in terms of what to do or what others would do in my situation. I feel in desperate need of family support, but at the same time the last thing I need is to get in trouble with the law. TIA

OP posts:
Luaa · 29/03/2020 22:33

Good luck op. I hope this time tomorrow you are safe and with people who love you.

Spagbol88 · 29/03/2020 22:34

Are you safe tonight op?

EmJay19 · 29/03/2020 22:35

Please go x good luck x

PumpkinPie2016 · 29/03/2020 22:35

Another saying go, and very best of luck OP.

If you can, go when he is out of the house. Or, go in the night but be sure to have packed anything you need into the car boot beforehand- you don't want to be scrabbling around in the night and risk waking him.

Put slip on shoes and a coat somewhere accessible. That way you can be in your car, doors locked within a minute. Go in your pjs - it doesn't matter. You may get stopped but if you explain, especially if you have a few basic possessions with you, the police will understand. They may well even be able to help you.

Let us know how you get on. I hope you are soon safe with your sister.

Wishing you lots of luck.

chocolateisavegetable · 29/03/2020 22:36

Lots of good advice here about the car situation, taking paperwork etc, so just wanted to add my advice to go and to add my best wishes

Shahira78 · 29/03/2020 22:37

Get all your stuff in place now. Leave tomorrow. If the police do stop you, tell them the truth. They would definitely understand. Drive carefully x

cerealmilk · 29/03/2020 22:37

Please go go go. No one will send you back.

Good luck. I hope you can update us when you’re safe. Flowers

Ilovemypantry · 29/03/2020 22:37

Definitely go in the car, not by train where you are at risk from picking up the virus.
Good luck, stay safe 💐

sunnie1992 · 29/03/2020 22:37

I agree with those who say put the stuff you are taking in a drawer tonight, so that packing takes you 5 mins max.

You don't want to risk staying to long because you are packing.

Possessions can be replaced, you cannot.

Good luck xx

happytobeheresparkl · 29/03/2020 22:38

Good luck I hope you escape x

bluebunny123 · 29/03/2020 22:39

Good luck op Thanks

YappityYapYap · 29/03/2020 22:40

Act as normal as you can until the morning so that he doesn't get suspicious and cancel his run. Once the coast is clear, pack your stuff, load the car and go

NotStayingIn · 29/03/2020 22:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Thatslife1 · 29/03/2020 22:40

Good luck.. you will be fine x

ComeTheFuck0nBridget · 29/03/2020 22:41

Good luck. You can do this.

Yester · 29/03/2020 22:41

Passport
Driving license
Bank cards
Birth certificate
Bank statement or proof of his money etc
Change of clothes
Cash if you have any
Important photos
Basic toothpaste etc
Transfer anyhing you can out of joint account

Some snacks and water
Leave a note to say you had to go out to help a friend in an emergency/go shopping/had to get out for a walk

Good luck It is the best thing to do x

DaisyDreaming · 29/03/2020 22:41

Sounds obvious but make sure he can’t see you’ve posted here. As someone said this is the most essential journey you will ever make. Good luck getting out during his run. I’m thinking of you

Sally872 · 29/03/2020 22:42

Good luck OP. You are doing the right thing.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 29/03/2020 22:43

Good luck OP- we’re all supporting you! You can do it!

BeenHereForAges · 29/03/2020 22:43

Go for it OP! Good luck to you

Butterfly84 · 29/03/2020 22:45

Good luck OP. You can do this. I would personally allow 10 minutes max to pack, you don't want to allow for the whole 30 minutes in case he returns early. Pack and get out as quickly as possible. And do not worry or panick that you will leave something behind, it does not matter if you forget a possession, it matters that you get out safely.

Queenoftheashes · 29/03/2020 22:46

Good luck! You’re doing the right thing.

TheMamaYo · 29/03/2020 22:47

Pack all your essentials without him seeing it. If you are scared to leave because he might hurt you if he comes back too soon, call the police before leaving. They can escort you out. Don’t let him know where you are going. And best of luck OP. Life gets so much better once you’re out. Flowers

Emmas85 · 29/03/2020 22:47

Good luck OP, stay safe.

Maryann1975 · 29/03/2020 22:49

Wishing you the very best of luck op. Yester seems to have written a good list of things you need to remember and daisydreamings advice of making sure he can’t see you have written this is really Important. Can I suggest either signing out or making sure you have closed everything down on your phone so he can’t get wind of what you are planning.

Please update tomorrow so we all know you are safe Flowers

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