Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To leave husband during lockdown

619 replies

MWallsb · 29/03/2020 21:53

Currently living with my husband in a remote area far away from any of my family and friends, who are all in London where I’m from originally. Since getting married last year and subsequently moving to my husband’s hometown, he’s become abusive both physically and mentally. Prior to lockdown, things were just about manageable as he’d spend long hours at work and often worked away for extended periods of time. For the last two weeks, he’s been WFH and things have become unbearable. My anxiety is through the roof and I don’t feel able to cope in the home. It has dawned on me that I need to leave the marriage sooner rather than later. I’m lucky enough to have a great support network of family and friends, however, all are in London. My sister who lives in central London and has asked me to pack my things and travel up to stay with her for my safety until the lockdown is over, after which time I can then look at a longer term plan.

I’m of course aware of the very strict rules in place at the moment with regards to non essential travel. From what I’ve read, it’s acceptable to leave home if travelling to a refuge, but it’s not permissible to leave home to stay with family elsewhere. I have both a car or a train station nearby to get me in to central London, but it’s a 2 hour journey and I’m seeing all over the news about the police stopping people to ask for evidence as to why they are travelling and issuing fines/forcing them to return back home if their reason for travelling is not permissible etc.

If I were to leave, it would have to be without my husband knowing (in the night or making a quick getaway whilst he’s out of the house). I’m terrified I might attempt to travel in to London and be stopped or forced to return home again which would have awful implications for me. I suppose I’m just looking for some advice really in terms of what to do or what others would do in my situation. I feel in desperate need of family support, but at the same time the last thing I need is to get in trouble with the law. TIA

OP posts:
OMFL · 31/03/2020 07:50

i managed to reset my password on my daughters laptop, he broke my phone last night so i am not able to communicate with real world and let them know whats going on. if thats not control i dont know what is. we were supposed to complete on a house yesterday but buyer had last minute issue so it didnt go through, he completely lost his mind. we are all packed up, house is a tip, no beds, and hes behaving like a uncontrollable raging monster. im thinking it was a sign, its not meant to happen. everything his touches falls apart. he has literally destroyed everything in the past year. i think we should continue with the sale and split. end of. hes never ever going to change, over 13 years i have seen how worse he has become and i didnt think it was possible. sorry to OP for jumping on your post. you must feel so free now and be able to slepp and breathe.

TheNightKing · 31/03/2020 08:13

@OMFL please get out. You and your daughter deserve to be safe.

crystalize · 31/03/2020 08:15

OMFL what a terrible ordeal you've been through. I hope this is the final straw for you and you leave that nasty excuse of a husband of yours... hugs x

PolloDePrimavera · 31/03/2020 08:17

@OMFL I'm so sorry. Also sorry as have RTFT but can't remember and now meant to be working but do you have anywhere to go?

incognitomum · 31/03/2020 08:25

@OMFL get out for your dcs

OMFL · 31/03/2020 08:29

he also went out yesterday and returned covered in blood, had a fight with 3 others, why wasnt he pulled up, i thought there was supposed to be a large police prescence, so he got away with it again. i threw his clothes away and cleaned the car like an idiot. this is not normal. i know. i have been in this bubble and isolated for the last 13 years i have become used to it. my kids confessed they hate him, they told him to leave, 9 & 7. lets see what today brings if he gets out of his pit, but having been drinking for the past 48 hours straight, i'm hoping he'll stay where he is. nowhere to go, covid could not have come at at worse time.

SunshineCake · 31/03/2020 08:39

OMFL - please can you call the police and if not, anyone of us would accept a PM and call them for you. I think you can also call for help via an online message link.

HollySideEyes · 31/03/2020 08:43

RTFT.

SunshineCake · 31/03/2020 08:49

If that was to me, holly I have

HollySideEyes · 31/03/2020 08:53

Fair enough. It just frustrates me when people don't. Especially situations like this.

LadyEloise · 31/03/2020 09:10

OMFL
Please contact the police.
You and your children need to be safe.
On our main news last night ( Ireland ) there was a feature on the increase in domestic violence during this lockdown. Authorities are aware of it.
The Daily Mail yesterday featured quite a few domestic incidents with terrible endings.
You have two children to think of.
Get help asap.

Thisisworsethananticpated · 31/03/2020 09:23

OMFL

Call police
Usual crime is down 80%
They know this is critical
You matter
Please call them today

Sending Flowers

SunshineCake · 31/03/2020 09:24

*@HollySideEyes there was no need for your comment. I was clearly addressing a poster who had joined the thread and therefore wasn't the OP. My advice made sense. Your post did not. There was no need for a sarky RTFT post.

CarolHasAnotherUTI · 31/03/2020 09:30

It sounds like @HollySideEyes needs to RTFT Grin

CarolHasAnotherUTI · 31/03/2020 09:32

OMFL please find a way out.

This just popped up on my Facebook feed metro.co.uk/2020/03/30/uks-first-coronavirus-murder-husband-arrested-death-wife-12477459/

For the sake of your children, for them to grow up not seeing the way he is treating you as normal, do whatever it takes.

Momto2girlies · 31/03/2020 09:45

I really hope you made it out! Don't look back. I get your scared, think of being safe, think of sitting with your sister having a cuppa, feeling safe. You'll be fine. My heart goes out to you.

aibuovu · 31/03/2020 09:50

well done ! now report him asap

aibuovu · 31/03/2020 09:51

and take of of the bruises for evidence xx

aibuovu · 31/03/2020 09:51

pictures ^*

FlowerArranger · 31/03/2020 10:02

my kids confessed they hate him, they told him to leave, 9 & 7.

@OMFL.... if this isn't enough to get you to leave...

Call 101 and ask to be put through to the Police DV unit.

In the meantime, better start your own thread so that more wise Mumsnetters can read your story and advise.

LemonadePockets · 31/03/2020 10:04

Absolutely delighted to hear you got to your sisters safely.

You’re so brave and I wish you all the very best !

YouJustDoYou · 31/03/2020 10:16

Fantastic news op that you got out ok

HollySideEyes · 31/03/2020 11:03

Yes I did indeed need to RTFT. Apologies.

WitchDancer · 31/03/2020 11:17

How are you doing today MWallsb?

ZorbaTheHoarder · 31/03/2020 13:21

OMFL, pĺease leave, for your children's sake and your own.

They will remember your efforts to get them away from him.

Good lucķ

Swipe left for the next trending thread